pinkzebra

This is an update to the previous entry I wrote today. You can see it below.

So everyone knows that tone in someones voice when they say, "I have to tell you something". I don't hear those words or the tone used to say it very often and it makes my heart sink and race at the same time.

First let me start off by explaining my family...it'll better help you to understand the situation of what happened earlier. My mom's family is big and very messed up. There's 8 kids total including my mom and they grew up in a military family where my Tata (grandfather) was barely home and they had a verbally and physically abusive mother (my Nana). I love both my Nana and Tata because well they're family. But my mom's family are distant from eachother...half the siblings don't even talk to eachother, there's always drama and my Nana refuses to let my Tata talk to any of his own kids or us grandkids. She watches over his every move to make sure he doesn't call any of us.

Okay so now you know a little bit about my family and their behavior.

Well my mother called a few hours ago with those dreadful words, "We need to talk..." and as soon as I answered the phone I heard that tone in my mom's voice as she said, "Hey, what are you doing?". I know she was trying to keep her composure but I can tell when somethings wrong.

So here's what she told me:

Apparently back in December my Nana called my Uncle Augie and told him that my Tata had died on the 2nd of Dec. Of course my Uncle called the rest of his sibling to tell them what had happened with my Tata. My mom was upset of course...but for some reason she felt there was more to it then she and my uncle were being told. Now, my mom didn't tell me that my Tata had died back in December but she did tell my brother because they'd gotten in an argument about family and she felt it was necessary. She didn't want to tell me because like I said she felt there was something more to it...plus I was going through a lot at that point wth my depression and all.

Naturally I was upset at this point and crying. I couldn't understand why she didn't tell me...but I found out with the next thing she said. My mom said that just last week she got a phone call from my Tata and Aunt Cynthia that still lives with my grandparents. He pretty much called to say that he knew she lied and that he wanted the family to know he was in fact still alive. It took him so long to call because as stated before my Nana watches him and well my Aunt Cynthia, too. She doesn't want them contacting family...she's a crazy controlling old woman.

Now part of my Nana's lie has become truth since she first said it in December. My Tata was supposed to have surgery on his knees because he's been having problems with them. Well before he had the surgery they had to do an overall health check to make sure everything else was fine with him because he has heart problems and he's pretty old. Well during the check the discovered he has a severe spinal cord injury. They dont know how he got it and he doesn't know how he got it either as his memory is kind of shot. The deal is though...now he has to have surgery for his spinal cord injury or he will die. But if he has the surgery due to his heart problems and the severity of the injury there's a 90% chance he will die anyway. And even worse if he happens to fall in that 10% and make it through the surgery there's a 98% chance he will be paralyzed and they said he'll die within 6months to a year if that happens. So pretty much he's going to die no matter what. I mean I know everyone dies at some point. I can accept that fact and my Tata told my mom that he's accepted the fact that his time is coming soon and that he's okay with it. The thing I'm so upset about is how my Nana could do this to our family. How could she cause so much hurt and now anger to the people who should be important in her life.

I cried for about an hour over this. I'm at a loss for words. I'm so angry with my Nana. I just can't understand...and I probably never will. I'm just so hurt by all this. My Tata has his surgery on Wednesday. My mom supposed to call me as soon as she gets any word on how it's gone. Of course it's going to be hard since my Nana watches over my Aunt Cynthia's every move as well. My Nana doesn't even know right now that all of the family knows that my Tata is in fact still alive.

My body is just racing with all these feelings and thoughts right now. My hubby has been supportive but of course he can't do anything to make it better. But I'm thankful for him...I wouldn't have made it through half the stuff I've had to deal with if it wasn't for him.

I still just don't know how to feel about this all...but I'm trying to prepare myself for news I could get on Wednesday or soon after.