pinkily

ok. Talked to Tony tonight (well this morning) at 5 AM break. He worked, I didn't. But we talked. He says he knows that she scratched up his car. He knows I didn't do it. He still wants to talk to me. I asked if he just wanted to be friends, and he said he didn't really know, he just has a lot going on. I told him I would just be friends if thats what he wanted, but he never really answered. I also told him that I want to still be dating him, but that is up to him, cause he has the more fucked up situation. I realize now that there are different "rules" to dating someone who is married. I'm just used to not having to follow them I'm used to being able to call him whenever I want, or hang out with him on my off days. But I can't anymore, because she lives there. If I try to break the rules, shit happens. I realize this now. So I have to be good on my days off, and not try to contact him.

They didn't go to the "counseling" Tuesday. The counselor person was unable to make the appointment. Not sure when they're gonna make an attempt to go again. Tony said its a preacher they're going to, and I told him that worries me, because I'm afraid they will try and make them "fix" their marriage. He assured me that's not whats going to happen, they'll just be getting counseling on how to be civil to each other after the divorce, not fight in front of Kayla, etc etc. I hope he's right. He also said that his lawyer told him all the divorce paperwork has been filed, so its in the works. I'm assuming they'll still have to figure out how to divide up stuff, like debt and what not, and of course custody of Kayla. Not sure when all that will happen.

I have to be strong. And I'm gonna try. I have to not get mad over stupid petty stuff, because he doesn't need that.

I have to have faith.

I had been in the worse mood all night, cause I was afraid he didn't want to talk to me at 5 AM, but when he walked outside with that goofy grin I couldn't help but smile and melt. I just wanted to hug him so bad.