Here we go again........
I'll try to make it quick.
Friday--Tony's wife allowed her motherto take Kayla, have her all day, and then the grandma refused to bring her back home. Tony was in a bad mood, but not because of me. Since the job I was doing wasn't running, I decided to make him something. I took some cardboard and taped it into a box, then took rubberbands and tied them together to make a bow--bought him a pack of M&M's and stuck it inside with a note, and left it by his machine on 5 o'clock break. He found it, and said it was nice, and he had an ear to ear smile.
We hung out for a few in the parking lot after work-he tried to steal a kiss but I didn't really let him. Everything was good at the time. He went to get Kayla, and I went to the bar.
Saturday--I went to the bar after work, got drunk. At start of shift, I asked him if he was mad at me, cause I had left him some drunken voicemails that day. He said no...but he never got the voicemails. Come to find out, the bitch got in his phone again, and deleted them, along with my phone number and everything else. We went outside to talk at 9:30 break. I ended up getting mad, because she keeps fucking things up, trying to get me away from him, and I threw my phone across the parking lot and started crying (again!) I told him fuckin' nevermind cause I don't have a phone anymore so he won't have to worry about her finding my number or anything. But we found all the pieces of my phone, and it still works. I also got mad because he parked all the way across the parking lot from me, which I figured had to be because of her. Since he started night shift he has parked right next to me everyday--he used to park next to me when he was on day shift too, when we first started talking, just because he was cute like that. Later on I asked if he was mad at me again, and he said no, he was still in a mood from the day before, and her messing with his phone only added to it. Around 10:30 or so, he tells me that she's been texting him, that someone fucked with his car. I ask "your truck? In the parking lot?" and he said no, his car at home, his Mailbu. I'm like what the fuck?? He shows me a text that she sent, that says "someone scratched it up, wrote liar on the hood, and ass on the door". I was like what the hell.....so I go back to my machine.....and reality hits me. She's gonna blame me for fucking up the car. So I start talking to my friend Charlene, and just start crying. She defaced his property for the sole purpose of making me look like a psycho. I texted him and told him that she was gonna blame me, and he said yeah, she did. He told me that he knew I care too much to ever do something like that, which REALLY meant a lot to me at that point, but I was still very upset. I didn't talk to him at lunch break, but I texted him and told him that his life would never get better as long as I'm in it, because she's not going to give up. She's going to keep making his life hell, and I would make the sacrifice and quit talking to him so that he doesn't have to suffer so much. She does it to him because she knows I'm still here. She knows that he would chose me over her.
He texted me at 2:30 and said his life is getting better, and at least I still talk to him. So I had to say "Don't you GET it?? I give in! I lose! I don't want you to suffer anymore than you have to or have already." He made some comment about how the happiness he got from being with me was worth the suffering. Our conversation pretty much ended shortly after that, because he left work at 2:30 break, and I figured he and I were done, completely.
I worked O. T. tonight--yeah, completely forgot that he was there. I didn't realize it until 9:30 break, when I thought I saw him down by the cutter. I didn't talk to him all night........until about 3 AM. I sent him a text thanking him for what he said the night before, about how he knows I care to much to do something stupid like that. He said he knows now that it was her, cause everything points to her.
My sis and I were getting ready to leave, and she asked if I was going to say bye to him. I said no. So we left...but I did take my time with leaving, cause I was hoping he'd come out to his car while we were still out there. He parked next to me. I was happy. He never came out, but I cleaned the frost off his windows for him. I sent him a text and told him I was sorry for not saying bye, but I figured he didn't want to talk to me these days. He wrote back and said that he still wants to talk to me, and thanks for the window cleaning. He also told me that what happened isn't my fault-I said I blame myself, and its not going to change.
I don't really know where we stand right now. I still feel like a piece of shit, because of everything that's happened, and all the shit that goes on in his life. And my sister always ends up making me feel worse, saying that I don't treat him any better than her, cause I get pissed off over insignificant things, like him not parking by me. If he's so intimidated by her that he won't park by me, doesn't that mean I might be losing him? Or could it be a subtle hint that he doesn't want me around? I mean, c'mon, thats the things I think about. I can't fucking help it. I live every fucking day being scared that he's just going to give up on me. again.
I have 2 days off. My horoscope today told me to write a love letter. I might. Who knows.
He works Tuesday, and Wednesday. I work Wednesday, 7pm-1am, which is what he originally signed up for too. Not sure if that's still what he's workin'. The plan was that we would work a half-night, then leave work and hang out with each other til 7 AM and she would have no clue. We might end up hanging out and talking, discussing the situtation, cause we probably won't have a chance to do so until then. Half of me wants to not talk to him anymore--because if she makes him lose something that he truly does want, he will hold it against her. And he will go through with the divorce. At least that would be my hope. But the other half wants to be there for him, to cheer him up when she treats him like shit, to let him know that he can do so much better than that, and that he deserves to be treated better than that.
They're supposed to be going to some kind of mediation or counseling for their divorce on Tuesday.
I don't fucking know anymore.
I hate that bitch, and all I gotta say is bring it ON! I have never fought anyone......but I sure as hell will scrap with her if the opportunity presents itself.
I'll try to make it quick.
Friday--Tony's wife allowed her motherto take Kayla, have her all day, and then the grandma refused to bring her back home. Tony was in a bad mood, but not because of me. Since the job I was doing wasn't running, I decided to make him something. I took some cardboard and taped it into a box, then took rubberbands and tied them together to make a bow--bought him a pack of M&M's and stuck it inside with a note, and left it by his machine on 5 o'clock break. He found it, and said it was nice, and he had an ear to ear smile.
We hung out for a few in the parking lot after work-he tried to steal a kiss but I didn't really let him. Everything was good at the time. He went to get Kayla, and I went to the bar.
Saturday--I went to the bar after work, got drunk. At start of shift, I asked him if he was mad at me, cause I had left him some drunken voicemails that day. He said no...but he never got the voicemails. Come to find out, the bitch got in his phone again, and deleted them, along with my phone number and everything else. We went outside to talk at 9:30 break. I ended up getting mad, because she keeps fucking things up, trying to get me away from him, and I threw my phone across the parking lot and started crying (again!) I told him fuckin' nevermind cause I don't have a phone anymore so he won't have to worry about her finding my number or anything. But we found all the pieces of my phone, and it still works. I also got mad because he parked all the way across the parking lot from me, which I figured had to be because of her. Since he started night shift he has parked right next to me everyday--he used to park next to me when he was on day shift too, when we first started talking, just because he was cute like that. Later on I asked if he was mad at me again, and he said no, he was still in a mood from the day before, and her messing with his phone only added to it. Around 10:30 or so, he tells me that she's been texting him, that someone fucked with his car. I ask "your truck? In the parking lot?" and he said no, his car at home, his Mailbu. I'm like what the fuck?? He shows me a text that she sent, that says "someone scratched it up, wrote liar on the hood, and ass on the door". I was like what the hell.....so I go back to my machine.....and reality hits me. She's gonna blame me for fucking up the car. So I start talking to my friend Charlene, and just start crying. She defaced his property for the sole purpose of making me look like a psycho. I texted him and told him that she was gonna blame me, and he said yeah, she did. He told me that he knew I care too much to ever do something like that, which REALLY meant a lot to me at that point, but I was still very upset. I didn't talk to him at lunch break, but I texted him and told him that his life would never get better as long as I'm in it, because she's not going to give up. She's going to keep making his life hell, and I would make the sacrifice and quit talking to him so that he doesn't have to suffer so much. She does it to him because she knows I'm still here. She knows that he would chose me over her.
He texted me at 2:30 and said his life is getting better, and at least I still talk to him. So I had to say "Don't you GET it?? I give in! I lose! I don't want you to suffer anymore than you have to or have already." He made some comment about how the happiness he got from being with me was worth the suffering. Our conversation pretty much ended shortly after that, because he left work at 2:30 break, and I figured he and I were done, completely.
I worked O. T. tonight--yeah, completely forgot that he was there. I didn't realize it until 9:30 break, when I thought I saw him down by the cutter. I didn't talk to him all night........until about 3 AM. I sent him a text thanking him for what he said the night before, about how he knows I care to much to do something stupid like that. He said he knows now that it was her, cause everything points to her.
My sis and I were getting ready to leave, and she asked if I was going to say bye to him. I said no. So we left...but I did take my time with leaving, cause I was hoping he'd come out to his car while we were still out there. He parked next to me.
I was happy. He never came out, but I cleaned the frost off his windows for him. I sent him a text and told him I was sorry for not saying bye, but I figured he didn't want to talk to me these days. He wrote back and said that he still wants to talk to me, and thanks for the window cleaning. He also told me that what happened isn't my fault-I said I blame myself, and its not going to change.
I don't really know where we stand right now. I still feel like a piece of shit, because of everything that's happened, and all the shit that goes on in his life. And my sister always ends up making me feel worse, saying that I don't treat him any better than her, cause I get pissed off over insignificant things, like him not parking by me. If he's so intimidated by her that he won't park by me, doesn't that mean I might be losing him? Or could it be a subtle hint that he doesn't want me around? I mean, c'mon, thats the things I think about. I can't fucking help it. I live every fucking day being scared that he's just going to give up on me. again.
I have 2 days off. My horoscope today told me to write a love letter. I might. Who knows.
He works Tuesday, and Wednesday. I work Wednesday, 7pm-1am, which is what he originally signed up for too. Not sure if that's still what he's workin'. The plan was that we would work a half-night, then leave work and hang out with each other til 7 AM and she would have no clue. We might end up hanging out and talking, discussing the situtation, cause we probably won't have a chance to do so until then. Half of me wants to not talk to him anymore--because if she makes him lose something that he truly does want, he will hold it against her. And he will go through with the divorce. At least that would be my hope. But the other half wants to be there for him, to cheer him up when she treats him like shit, to let him know that he can do so much better than that, and that he deserves to be treated better than that.
They're supposed to be going to some kind of mediation or counseling for their divorce on Tuesday.
I don't fucking know anymore.
I hate that bitch, and all I gotta say is bring it ON! I have never fought anyone......but I sure as hell will scrap with her if the opportunity presents itself.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
As for the comment you left me, yep, he's pretty freaking adorable. Once my friend sends me the picture he took of us the other night, I'll post it so you can see it. You know how right before you tell each other that you love each other you start hinting at it? That's totally what's going on right now. *shrugs*
I really do hope things get better for you. I always feel so bad for your situation when you post with details.
*kisses*
I hope this guy appreciates what you are putting yourself through for him. Not sure that ANY relationship is worth the emotional anguish that you have been enduring, though.
*sigh*
Take care. Stay SAFE.