pillasco

When I was 14 I had a good friend who was always depressed. She was a smart girl... pretty... funny... just a great person all around really. But her dad was abusive and she didn't understand why. I thought I was helping her through it but... of course a 14-year-old boy is not capable of such things...

We were at a party... and she told me she was going to kill herself... I didn't take her seriously... and told her to quit playing. She got very upset at me... hit me... scratched me... screamed at me... and I didn't know what to do. I stormed away not knowing what was going on.

Later that night she tried to kill herself.... basically blaming me and her father for her attempt. She failed... and I was crushed... thinking I was the one that had let her down... made her feel that what she had done was necessary. It took me years to stop blaming myself.

At 14... I carried a burden I should have never tried to carry... and it still haunts me some. I of course never talked to the girl after that.... she moved away... far from her dad... and me. She died in a car crash a few years back. I found out a little after she died.

Don't ask me what made me think of that....

It seems now.. I only have one hard class this semester... so things shouldn't be too bad...

Count down to February 1st...