Have you ever been so tired of things that you just wanted to say, fuck my future! and run off into the sunset and do whatever you believe will make you the happiest? Well Im at that point right now a major breaking point. I look at what I have in front of me and Im very willing to throw it all away for a certain something because I dont know anything else that would make me happier.
Now I know this sounds impulsive and brash but Ive put much more thought into than you would think I should. I know how Id live and I know how Id be and Im ok with my parents reaction and Im ok with the fact there would be no turning back. Right now med school doesnt seem to make a real difference to me and neither does the rest of the future I once decided for me.
Right now sitting around being able to breathe and not have to worry about all my problems would feel so good. Not having to wonder why Im so lonely and why my life doesnt make any sense anymore. To have love sitting or laying next to me wrapped in warmth and desire to have comfort and protection from all that hurts and saddens me.
But its really not that easy because happiness can reject you. Everything that makes me happy right now can spit in my face and tell me to leave and never come back. Everything that I want doesnt have to let me have it matter of fact it runs even now. Every time I take a step closer it takes a few back. It can make claims and accusations and throw slings and arrows
My heart just seems like a big target now for happiness to try and hit with its shots of love. Do I really want this very painful thing? I have this bright future this possibly better future? Why would I have it away? Why on something that could hurt me and has hurt me so many times.
I do it because I want to I do it because I need to I do it because there is a chance things will come out all right. If I play the right cards or sing the right song maybe happiness will spare me and just let me be with it. I have to try a little less and say a little less and feel well feel a little less. With that my future becomes uncertain and I become something else but I get to be happy with happiness.
For those people worried about me giving up on med school... don't worry... I was venting... you think I'm gonna get my ass kicked by my Jewish parents for not going to med school? pfft.. .no... jeez... I was just venting... so don't worry
Now I know this sounds impulsive and brash but Ive put much more thought into than you would think I should. I know how Id live and I know how Id be and Im ok with my parents reaction and Im ok with the fact there would be no turning back. Right now med school doesnt seem to make a real difference to me and neither does the rest of the future I once decided for me.
Right now sitting around being able to breathe and not have to worry about all my problems would feel so good. Not having to wonder why Im so lonely and why my life doesnt make any sense anymore. To have love sitting or laying next to me wrapped in warmth and desire to have comfort and protection from all that hurts and saddens me.
But its really not that easy because happiness can reject you. Everything that makes me happy right now can spit in my face and tell me to leave and never come back. Everything that I want doesnt have to let me have it matter of fact it runs even now. Every time I take a step closer it takes a few back. It can make claims and accusations and throw slings and arrows
My heart just seems like a big target now for happiness to try and hit with its shots of love. Do I really want this very painful thing? I have this bright future this possibly better future? Why would I have it away? Why on something that could hurt me and has hurt me so many times.
I do it because I want to I do it because I need to I do it because there is a chance things will come out all right. If I play the right cards or sing the right song maybe happiness will spare me and just let me be with it. I have to try a little less and say a little less and feel well feel a little less. With that my future becomes uncertain and I become something else but I get to be happy with happiness.
For those people worried about me giving up on med school... don't worry... I was venting... you think I'm gonna get my ass kicked by my Jewish parents for not going to med school? pfft.. .no... jeez... I was just venting... so don't worry
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:p