pillasco

It hurts a lot when you do something that was stupid to someone you care about. For me... it hurts more than I can explain. I get severely mad at myself, get depressed and physically ill. Some people don't understand why I change moods so quickly... to be honest neither do I. It's not as though I'm moody... because it doesn't happen really often but it does happen. It seems to scare and confuse a lot of people... and that makes me feel even worse. I don't even know how to express myself when it happens... everything comes out wrong... or I've done something bad enough that the person I've affected stops listening to me.

Even right now it's hard to put into words how I feel. For the most part I'm just being melodramatic. There really isn't anything wrong and I'm just putting too much thought into things.... but I'm scared of a lot of things right now. I just need sleep... but I can't sleep. haha I feel so emo right now... my cats are even looking at me funny.

Right now all my family is in Chicago and I'm still in Texas. I could have gone but I decided to stay home for various reasons (a few of them even good ones). So that means I'm taking care of the house and cats.

I have been studying MCAT stuff for the entire week and I think it's rotting my brain along with the lack of sleep.

Today I was cutting my hair with a hair trimmer and it broke mid cut. So I'm standing there with half my head shaved... and no trimmer so I throw on a hat and go to the store of course the 1st store I went to didn't have any trimmers... so I had to go to another one. When I got to the other store they trimmers were kinda hard to find so I had to ask two people where they were. Then I got one and came back and finished the cut... sad eh?

My dad and I are arguing over my laptop decision... The laptop I want is too expensive and I want to try and find a cheaper one on the net and he doesn't like that idea.. so we argue.

Well... nothing else really... more later

Dey, I love you and I'm sorry I can be pissy... mwah...