Tuesday, September 27th, 4:59 am.
Wow its dark out there.
Im up though, pendulum.
I dont remember much of my dreams, but I think perhaps I may have dreamt about that dream I had on Sunday morning.
I suppose thats totally possible. If you had a particularly powerful dream that wakes you into a motionless state with eyes simply open and not looking, still breathing slow and deep sleep breaths as you think about those visions, one of those dreams that at least fuck up your morning for that day or make you afraid to go to church incase the sermon mentions what you saw, then you might just dream about it again.
Not dream IT again. No, just dream about that dream. Perhaps have a regular dream but throw it down into the same set thats left over from Saturday night where they shot that first one.
Like sneaking in as kids onto the bloodstained sand of the Colosseums floor to run, scream, roll and roar like lions in a make believe spectacle
(Aw no fair! Why do I always have to be the Christian?)
I was in bed early though, in bed after a quick and easy and why-the-fuck-do-I-not-do-this-more dinner of steamed broccoli, kale, basmati rice and a George Foreman grilled chicken breast. (Bit of lemon juice on the veggies instead of butter no really, try it). 9:00, warm and feeling good, feeling hope.
And I dont like to think like this. I dont like to think that I can be so marionetted, emotionally that is.
Yesterday, I was finally handed a huge project at work that Ive been fighting for and my world changed. Back to hope, back to feeling at least some inkling that hard work will eventually pay off.
Its been a tough year for that a year of impotence. From putting so much thought, Love and work into making sure I did all the right things regarding that crazy shit from a year ago only to watch helplessly as things and people got worse and worse, then pouring myself into work.. focus on work New relationships, to put so much emphasis on honest communication in the hopes that it will actually result in good things only to find that people generally arent hearing you through their own filters, I hate to give up, but sometimes the fruitlessness seems inevitable. And I hate that it got to me, I hate that it had the ability to change my perspective, to get through
I began to feel like the total opposite of king midas, and to have that one seemingly small change at work come in, I felt a surge of life again. For Gods sake, challenge me.
So Im up with a gut full of digested kale, wondering where the lock may be for my gym stuff. Right, the shelf a shelf I can see it on a shelf somewhere
And pomegranates are back in season. I finally found my pomegranate.
Wow its dark out there.
Im up though, pendulum.
I dont remember much of my dreams, but I think perhaps I may have dreamt about that dream I had on Sunday morning.
I suppose thats totally possible. If you had a particularly powerful dream that wakes you into a motionless state with eyes simply open and not looking, still breathing slow and deep sleep breaths as you think about those visions, one of those dreams that at least fuck up your morning for that day or make you afraid to go to church incase the sermon mentions what you saw, then you might just dream about it again.
Not dream IT again. No, just dream about that dream. Perhaps have a regular dream but throw it down into the same set thats left over from Saturday night where they shot that first one.
Like sneaking in as kids onto the bloodstained sand of the Colosseums floor to run, scream, roll and roar like lions in a make believe spectacle
(Aw no fair! Why do I always have to be the Christian?)
I was in bed early though, in bed after a quick and easy and why-the-fuck-do-I-not-do-this-more dinner of steamed broccoli, kale, basmati rice and a George Foreman grilled chicken breast. (Bit of lemon juice on the veggies instead of butter no really, try it). 9:00, warm and feeling good, feeling hope.
And I dont like to think like this. I dont like to think that I can be so marionetted, emotionally that is.
Yesterday, I was finally handed a huge project at work that Ive been fighting for and my world changed. Back to hope, back to feeling at least some inkling that hard work will eventually pay off.
Its been a tough year for that a year of impotence. From putting so much thought, Love and work into making sure I did all the right things regarding that crazy shit from a year ago only to watch helplessly as things and people got worse and worse, then pouring myself into work.. focus on work New relationships, to put so much emphasis on honest communication in the hopes that it will actually result in good things only to find that people generally arent hearing you through their own filters, I hate to give up, but sometimes the fruitlessness seems inevitable. And I hate that it got to me, I hate that it had the ability to change my perspective, to get through
I began to feel like the total opposite of king midas, and to have that one seemingly small change at work come in, I felt a surge of life again. For Gods sake, challenge me.
So Im up with a gut full of digested kale, wondering where the lock may be for my gym stuff. Right, the shelf a shelf I can see it on a shelf somewhere
And pomegranates are back in season. I finally found my pomegranate.
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I don't really know what to say but a hug to you would be appropriate.
Ok, bud - make the world a better place and let us know how you did it so we can say nice things about you