ok, it's official. I'm getting sick.
Bronchitis I think.
Who made up words like "phlem"? Cuz they sure were good at it.
I wonder how you say phlem in Hebrew. I bet it sounds even better.
oh yeah baby, I'm all sexy again.
I wonder if somebody in this building thinks I am a bad person for doing my laundry at 5:45 am?
(well, its not as bad as leaving your stuff in both dryers overnight and whoever you are.. you suck. I HATE taking other peoples stuff out of the dryer, but really now)
I wonder what the REAL truth is regarding going to the gym when you are getting sick....?
This morning, I am telling myself it's probably better that I don't go. On the one hand (which I totally believe in) it's just rude and inconsiderate to go to a place like the gym when you're obviously contagious. Keep your nasty germs off the handles of the lat machine please.
Other than the obvious respectful nature of that decision, I do really wonder if it's good or bad to work out when you are starting to get sick. Is it going to give your immune system a bit of a kick and rush the sick through? Or is it going to overload your already stressed out system and make it worse?
Dunno. Seems like a bad idea. Not going. Well... I'd have already been there for the last 37 minutes if I was going anyways, so that's pretty much a given that today is not a gym day.
I've been feeling pretty good of late. I'm not entirely sure why. I don't mean good like in a physically healthy way, (because obviously, I am currently not) I mean good in a recharged for life kinda way. Something major has changed inside me, and I am so totally open to it. Now that its back inside of me, it seems so simple. Makes me wonder why I had such a difficult time feeling this way before.
The last week or so I have been trying to figure out where this peaceful feeling came from where its coming from. Is it simply the reconnection with that glowing crystal core that had until recently ceased to throb in my solar plexus?
Yeah, a bit.
But I think its more than just that. I think that perhaps that crystals reappearance in my self only happened because of what I just went through these last 7 months or so.
I have finally realized that its also a lot to do with the fact that Im coming out the other side of all that nastiness that was my winter while maintaining my integrity. Ive not been the bad guy, I am not responsible for creating any new pain. I simply did what I knew was right, and I stuck to it. I am in a position in my life now where I can go forward with the peace of knowing I did the right thing. I did the hard thing.
I was certainly thrown hard core into an emotional maelstrom, the attacks that were coming my way in October, November, (and I can't even think about christmas) were cruel, heartless and progressively more aggressive as I continued to not react the way she obviously required me to react. Nothing I ever did in the last 12 years has ever been harsh enough to justify such a cruel and pointed onslaught.
I wouldnt play war though. I sure felt the want at times, I could feel the anger boiling in me and I could hear the justification to react back to her with an equally illogical outburst of spite. I fought it though, hard.
I remained honest, respectful and dare I say it -- loving throughout the entire thing. I absolutely lived that experience through love and compassion. Yeah we had our issues in the past, yeah we both did some pretty terrible things to each other, but that was way back then, and I knew that I could only control what was happening today, now. No new pain.
It's an incredibly fucked up world it seems. Human beings seem way too capable of inflicting unspeakable pains on others, and there's not much I can do to stop any of that shit out there. People seem to be too capable of lashing out with the full intention of hurting others. I am not one of them, and have simply been trying to make sure that the tiny little things around me are never adding to the global shite that appears to be going on. Doesn't it ever make you wonder how much better this world would be if people just took a second sometimes, and thought about their next action?
Well, it most certainly did not result in a positive reaction from her. I accept now that I can't control that, but I cant even begin to describe how bad I feel sometimes when I look at Morgan and he seems to look so sad. Thats not right, he should not be punished for anything and him not being able to see her is punishment as far as Im concerned. Especially now with Nemo gone, I feel really bad for him and I dont quite know what I can do for him to make his life happier. It must be so empty here for him now in the daytime. He is a humungous responsibility and one that we both signed up for when we got the puppy. No matter what, that responsibility has not left her, yet she has taken this weak and immature path, and I guess she was simply not able to deal.
I am sorry for her for that, I cant imagine she is in the same position right now of knowing she handled this correctly. She is not able to move forward saying she created no new pain, and I would hope that somewhere inside her she too feels a need for some resolution, because this must feel wrong to her. I really dont think she was behind all of her decisions. I dont think she thought for herself at times, and if I was a different man I would probably like to go and smack that friend of hers upside the head for giving such stupid advice.
All of that is unfortunate, but I am finding myself here today as this new summer starts to roll in, and even though I may be incredibly disappointed in the way this turned out, I am at the point now where I am able to continue on with a bit of a personal smile hiding inside me. Just the simple knowledge that I did right. I dont have any new scar that I am responsible for, no new regrets.
Its kind of like getting to the top of a summit after a long and almost impossible climb. Its that kind of personal satisfaction.
Well, its kind of like that. but its more like a quiet, internal satisfaction that is under the surface of suffering because absolutely everybody else in your climbing group succumbed to one thing or another along the path on the way up here.
Yeah, I made it, but I stand here alone, so theres no grin, no high fives, just a deep breath and this incredible view.
Bronchitis I think.
Who made up words like "phlem"? Cuz they sure were good at it.
I wonder how you say phlem in Hebrew. I bet it sounds even better.
oh yeah baby, I'm all sexy again.
I wonder if somebody in this building thinks I am a bad person for doing my laundry at 5:45 am?
(well, its not as bad as leaving your stuff in both dryers overnight and whoever you are.. you suck. I HATE taking other peoples stuff out of the dryer, but really now)
I wonder what the REAL truth is regarding going to the gym when you are getting sick....?
This morning, I am telling myself it's probably better that I don't go. On the one hand (which I totally believe in) it's just rude and inconsiderate to go to a place like the gym when you're obviously contagious. Keep your nasty germs off the handles of the lat machine please.
Other than the obvious respectful nature of that decision, I do really wonder if it's good or bad to work out when you are starting to get sick. Is it going to give your immune system a bit of a kick and rush the sick through? Or is it going to overload your already stressed out system and make it worse?
Dunno. Seems like a bad idea. Not going. Well... I'd have already been there for the last 37 minutes if I was going anyways, so that's pretty much a given that today is not a gym day.
I've been feeling pretty good of late. I'm not entirely sure why. I don't mean good like in a physically healthy way, (because obviously, I am currently not) I mean good in a recharged for life kinda way. Something major has changed inside me, and I am so totally open to it. Now that its back inside of me, it seems so simple. Makes me wonder why I had such a difficult time feeling this way before.
The last week or so I have been trying to figure out where this peaceful feeling came from where its coming from. Is it simply the reconnection with that glowing crystal core that had until recently ceased to throb in my solar plexus?
Yeah, a bit.
But I think its more than just that. I think that perhaps that crystals reappearance in my self only happened because of what I just went through these last 7 months or so.
I have finally realized that its also a lot to do with the fact that Im coming out the other side of all that nastiness that was my winter while maintaining my integrity. Ive not been the bad guy, I am not responsible for creating any new pain. I simply did what I knew was right, and I stuck to it. I am in a position in my life now where I can go forward with the peace of knowing I did the right thing. I did the hard thing.
I was certainly thrown hard core into an emotional maelstrom, the attacks that were coming my way in October, November, (and I can't even think about christmas) were cruel, heartless and progressively more aggressive as I continued to not react the way she obviously required me to react. Nothing I ever did in the last 12 years has ever been harsh enough to justify such a cruel and pointed onslaught.
I wouldnt play war though. I sure felt the want at times, I could feel the anger boiling in me and I could hear the justification to react back to her with an equally illogical outburst of spite. I fought it though, hard.
I remained honest, respectful and dare I say it -- loving throughout the entire thing. I absolutely lived that experience through love and compassion. Yeah we had our issues in the past, yeah we both did some pretty terrible things to each other, but that was way back then, and I knew that I could only control what was happening today, now. No new pain.
It's an incredibly fucked up world it seems. Human beings seem way too capable of inflicting unspeakable pains on others, and there's not much I can do to stop any of that shit out there. People seem to be too capable of lashing out with the full intention of hurting others. I am not one of them, and have simply been trying to make sure that the tiny little things around me are never adding to the global shite that appears to be going on. Doesn't it ever make you wonder how much better this world would be if people just took a second sometimes, and thought about their next action?
Well, it most certainly did not result in a positive reaction from her. I accept now that I can't control that, but I cant even begin to describe how bad I feel sometimes when I look at Morgan and he seems to look so sad. Thats not right, he should not be punished for anything and him not being able to see her is punishment as far as Im concerned. Especially now with Nemo gone, I feel really bad for him and I dont quite know what I can do for him to make his life happier. It must be so empty here for him now in the daytime. He is a humungous responsibility and one that we both signed up for when we got the puppy. No matter what, that responsibility has not left her, yet she has taken this weak and immature path, and I guess she was simply not able to deal.
I am sorry for her for that, I cant imagine she is in the same position right now of knowing she handled this correctly. She is not able to move forward saying she created no new pain, and I would hope that somewhere inside her she too feels a need for some resolution, because this must feel wrong to her. I really dont think she was behind all of her decisions. I dont think she thought for herself at times, and if I was a different man I would probably like to go and smack that friend of hers upside the head for giving such stupid advice.
All of that is unfortunate, but I am finding myself here today as this new summer starts to roll in, and even though I may be incredibly disappointed in the way this turned out, I am at the point now where I am able to continue on with a bit of a personal smile hiding inside me. Just the simple knowledge that I did right. I dont have any new scar that I am responsible for, no new regrets.
Its kind of like getting to the top of a summit after a long and almost impossible climb. Its that kind of personal satisfaction.
Well, its kind of like that. but its more like a quiet, internal satisfaction that is under the surface of suffering because absolutely everybody else in your climbing group succumbed to one thing or another along the path on the way up here.
Yeah, I made it, but I stand here alone, so theres no grin, no high fives, just a deep breath and this incredible view.
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(And regarding your profile picture, to quote Buck 65: "Thank God for David Lynch . . . ")