pica_pica

If I look like I am having fun, well. I was kinda. It was like a ride at the fair and it didnt cost me any ticket stubs.
First of all, a HUGE THANKYOU to hotbonbon for the accompaniment to the horsepistol this morning. I was a teeny weeny
I was just about to say I was a teeny weeny bit freaked out but I think I like it better just leaving it at
I was a teeny weeny.

Dont much like hospitals, and I have to admit Im not very good at getting stuff checked out when it comes to medical things. I usually end up sorta self diagnosing myself, and realizing that whatever it is will probably go away after some time and care. This particular situation however, was a bit too extreme and out of the ordinary to let slide. On top of that I can totally read the actual thoughts that the doctor is thinking as they are looking me over, and the symptoms I was exhibiting definitely had my doctor concerned. That played out and infected my own thoughts on the matter and I was like oh fuck.

So thank you again to hotbonbon for driving me there this morning, that rocked, and you rock.

I got to the hospital right on time, I found the proper clinic area inside the labrynth of hallways and stairs, announced my presence to the receptionist and sat down to read about what was going on in the world in a copy of TIME magazine from November, 2002. Afghanistan is harbouring bad people that hurt buildings and we are going to go and smoke em out.

Suddenly a voice is calling my name. I look up and I am probably obviously stunned looking.
After what seemed like an embarrassingly long pause, I say

thas me . Here. Im
Him.

Hopefully she just thought it was something to do with my brain injury and simply took silent notice of my inability to form complete sentences in her medical journal.

patient exhibits signs of incoherence, dilated pupils, slurred speech and hyperexcretion of the salivation glands

The neurologist I am here to see cant be a doctor. I dont know why I didnt think so, but the last neurologist I saw was a 62 year old Israeli man with incredibly hairy knuckles which matched the hairy knuckle of a mole he had on the side of his cheek, and he used to stick very long thin metal needles deep into the muscle belly of my legs and ask me to try to wiggle my toes. He wasnt very sexy, but he was the coverboy of neurologists as far as I was concerned.

This svelte form standing at the far end of this spinning kaleidoscope tunnel is dressed all in black, long black hair and her most amazingly chiseled facial contours are a caricature of my definition of beauty.

I stand and grab my backpack wishing I hadnt brought it. Makes me look like a school boy, I think. I walk up and shes standing with hand extended, eyes on mine and shes smiling. I shake her hand and she introduces herself.

Im Dr. Spacie she says.
Yes, you are. I catch myself thinkingmore like Dr. Dreamy.
I think I said my name, or I said hi or something. Perhaps it was areml belblemllegish

Please walk this way she says, and she turns to lead the way down the hallway.

I follow her down the hallway to her office and catch myself thinking you must be kidding I cant walk like that, thats Honed!

Well, she was just beautiful, thats all. Her voice was even somehow soothing, and not in an erotic way (although Im sure it could be).

She asked me all the regular questions, and took me into the examination room.
Please take your boots and socks off, and have a seat here she pats the table. She smiles a lot for a doctor.

I hate my feet. I have hobbit feet. Size 14 cold and white hobbit feet. Damn. Couldnt we have a glass of wine or something over some dinner and conversation first? You dont really need to see my feet do you?
Next thing I know, Im laying prone on my back, and shes got some cold metal thing pressed against the side of my foot.
you feel cold? she asks.
yes

now? other foot.

yes

feel a little prick here? she pokes something sharp into the bottom of my big hobbit toe.

yes

Eventually, she grabbed some sort of light wand thing with a magnifying glass and turned the lights off.
look straight ahead she says and shines the light into my pupil. She brings her face right up to mine in the dark and her bangs brush against my forehead and Im thinking this is just crazy for me to be actually attracted to my doctor.
She checks the other eye, and I feel her breath on my cheek.
Im holding my breath, save for one small inhalation through my nostrils.

The lights come on, and she pulls the bloodpressure arm band from its holder on the wall.
I always have really really low blood pressure. When I was in the clinic last week it was only 108 over 70 and its ALWAYS down there.

I always have really low blood pressure I say.
I pull up my sleeve, and she wraps it around me. Pump pump pump, she puts the stethoscope on the inside of my elbow and sssssssssss.

Then she does it again. pump pump pump. Sssssssssssss.

hmm she says.

its rather high right now. 150 over 80.

Of course, I dont say anything other than muttering oh, thats strange its usually low.
Busted.

Well, after all the tests she puts me through, she says lets go back to my office and have a frank discussion about this

I have always disliked frank when hes invited to situations like that.

She closes the door and we sit. Shes still smiling at times, but I can tell this is the talk.


in the movie version of my life, it's Bebe Newirth,



and me, a young Nicolas Cage sittin in that chair across from her,





What it appears to be," Bebe says,
"is an aneurism. You are exhibiting all the symptoms of that, but the fact that you have had the headache three times leads me to think that its not. Usually, what you experienced in the gym would be the first warning. The second time you experienced it, youd be dead. Nonetheless, I think we should get a CT scan, and I think that needs to be done sooner than later. Today, if possible.

So I was pretty impressed with the speed at which this whole thing went down. From the initial consultation with her in the morning, she was able to muscle me in to get the CT scan done an hour later, and then they developed the pics from that scan right away and she asked me to come back up to see her after that was finished. She was obviously concerned that there was something goin on here.

The process of the CT scan was so strange. The die they have to shoot into you through the IV creates this strange taste in the back of your throat, and makes you feel like you are wetting yourself from the heat it generates in your pelvic region. Very very weird. I opened my eyes at one point in time while I was inside the machine and read a little sign that said
Dont look into the laser. Radioactive

Nice.

Well, I went back upstairs after the machine, and Dr. Dreamy was at lunch. I waited in the little room for her and when she came back in she came up and sat down beside me. I honestly thought I was catching some vibes from her. Is there some sort of rule that precludes people from asking their doctors out for a coffee? Probably.

Well, Im still alive. Im still alive and I will be for a while yet. No aneurism. They dont know why what happened happened, but apparently its quite common.
Exercise Induced Exertion Headache and its an enigma. It exhibits all the signs of an aneurism, and it could possibly be vascular in its cause, but they dont really know what it is. It simply goes away after a while.
They can prescribe beta-blockers and bloodthinners for it, but thats just a guess at a cure.

Lacking any proof of an aneurism, the fact that I was blowing blood out of my nose the next morning was just a coincidence.

So YAY I live.

So, is it illegal in Canada for Doctors to have relations with their patients?