My god what a long day at work. I was getting so sidetracked in my though processes. I just kept seeing the image of Nemo from this morning in my minds eye while the client was asking me questions about things to do with RF interference and the 2.4 gig Nemo handsets on the 802.11 abcess. He asked me if they had to put the 2.4 gig phones to sleep if they would be sad to move to 5 gig phones and there was blood coming out of the interference.
I just patted him on the head and got into the van at the end of the day.
I couldn't wait to get home. The smoking thing popped up a couple of times as I was working with one of the only smokers left in the company, but I won out. I certainly recognized the sensation of the need in my body to light one up, but that need wasn't a want. I simply did not want one.
Again, I actually enjoyed the craving. It wasn't some terrible thing I had to grin and bear... instead it was the last dying breaths of some pathetic little monster inside me. I actually enjoyed the feeling of the want, and I enjoyed the feeling of the strength to say "Fuck You"
Nonetheless... I couldn't wait to jump in that van and get the hell home to Nemo. The day dragged on.
Finally I was able to boogie. I sped back to the shop, dropped the van and the boys and the laptop off, jumped on my mountain bike and pumped hard and heavy around the seawall home. (amazing that after only 4 days of not smoking, I can already TOTALLY notice a difference in my breathing during things like that)
I got into the apartment, and of course he was no where to be found. I noisily and obviously opened a can of wet, and waited for his appearence.
Well, he's still not good, but the bleeding appears to have stopped. I am pretty sure it was something that had abcessed and now drained.
I am also pretty sure it's the beginning of the end.
All I can do is try to make him comfortable, but I would be simply selfish to try to keep him around through this. In all honesty, all he's done for the last 7 months is hid under the bed or in the closet. He doesn't come around for pets, he doesn't purr. He doesn't come up to sleep on the bed anymore. He's just not having a good time.
I think he may be missing the other cats, I don' t know... but I can't see a better life for him.
I'd be lying if I tried to say I didn't think of she-who-used-to-be-referred-to-as-her during moments like this.
Not in an angry way. it's more of a sad way. I miss who I thought she was at times like this, as I see parts of what we knew as our lives continue to die.
I know we're not together, but this is something that was a part of us and it's all grown up to be able to be able to be together for a moment like what I think this is going to be.
I know he's my cat. But he lived about 12 of his 16 years with her, and I can't help but think that she'd want to know.
well, that -- and I think I'd want her to be there too.
Yeah, yeah, she pulled some really nasty shit, and yeah, I actually finally got pissed off about it, and yeah it was pretty brutal I dont know where I am with all that yet.
I have thoughts on that, but todays not the day to get into those. Im just thinking Neem stuff.
Sorry guys... I'm totally aware how much of a downer I have been at times, and I am consciously trying to not be one. That being said.. I'll perk up again here. I can feel it. There are some things changing here that are finally moving in on the right path, but this Nemo thing is a bit of a side step...
Life though huh? I still try to remain honest here, and I'll promise a funny story is going to happen to me in the next few weeks. In the mean time however... strife.
I just patted him on the head and got into the van at the end of the day.
I couldn't wait to get home. The smoking thing popped up a couple of times as I was working with one of the only smokers left in the company, but I won out. I certainly recognized the sensation of the need in my body to light one up, but that need wasn't a want. I simply did not want one.
Again, I actually enjoyed the craving. It wasn't some terrible thing I had to grin and bear... instead it was the last dying breaths of some pathetic little monster inside me. I actually enjoyed the feeling of the want, and I enjoyed the feeling of the strength to say "Fuck You"
Nonetheless... I couldn't wait to jump in that van and get the hell home to Nemo. The day dragged on.
Finally I was able to boogie. I sped back to the shop, dropped the van and the boys and the laptop off, jumped on my mountain bike and pumped hard and heavy around the seawall home. (amazing that after only 4 days of not smoking, I can already TOTALLY notice a difference in my breathing during things like that)
I got into the apartment, and of course he was no where to be found. I noisily and obviously opened a can of wet, and waited for his appearence.
Well, he's still not good, but the bleeding appears to have stopped. I am pretty sure it was something that had abcessed and now drained.
I am also pretty sure it's the beginning of the end.
All I can do is try to make him comfortable, but I would be simply selfish to try to keep him around through this. In all honesty, all he's done for the last 7 months is hid under the bed or in the closet. He doesn't come around for pets, he doesn't purr. He doesn't come up to sleep on the bed anymore. He's just not having a good time.
I think he may be missing the other cats, I don' t know... but I can't see a better life for him.
I'd be lying if I tried to say I didn't think of she-who-used-to-be-referred-to-as-her during moments like this.
Not in an angry way. it's more of a sad way. I miss who I thought she was at times like this, as I see parts of what we knew as our lives continue to die.
I know we're not together, but this is something that was a part of us and it's all grown up to be able to be able to be together for a moment like what I think this is going to be.
I know he's my cat. But he lived about 12 of his 16 years with her, and I can't help but think that she'd want to know.
well, that -- and I think I'd want her to be there too.
Yeah, yeah, she pulled some really nasty shit, and yeah, I actually finally got pissed off about it, and yeah it was pretty brutal I dont know where I am with all that yet.
I have thoughts on that, but todays not the day to get into those. Im just thinking Neem stuff.
Sorry guys... I'm totally aware how much of a downer I have been at times, and I am consciously trying to not be one. That being said.. I'll perk up again here. I can feel it. There are some things changing here that are finally moving in on the right path, but this Nemo thing is a bit of a side step...
Life though huh? I still try to remain honest here, and I'll promise a funny story is going to happen to me in the next few weeks. In the mean time however... strife.
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I too was a pack and a half a day kind of guy (but for 15 years). I can honestly say that it isn't as bad as I thought it would be going cold turkey, but it definately is not easy.
And yes I can already notice a difference in my breathing!! It's fantastic!!
Stay strong.
It's not easy.
It's worthwhile, but it's not easy.
Unless you're at one of the easy points.
But then it's hardly worth your while.
Comfort, strength and peace.