pica_pica

I dont think I am going to be having much to say for a while.

I want to say I have been out of coffee around here for a week now. I am only drinking green tea at home now. I miss my juggernaut carafe of Dark French Italian. I would drink 6 to 10 cups before even leaving the apartment in the morning, but thats what you get when you sit and write at your desk for an hour every morning. chain smoking and drinking coffee as the birds start to chirp. (Im going to miss that, and I shouldnt be saying that I am going to miss it)

Yeah, I would probably go through about one cigarette per 250 ml of coffee, then I would cough cough cough in the steam of the shower. Im sure my neighbors think I have the black death. Sound really travels in this buildings interconnected network of bathroom ventilation.

Anyways, the coffee I am missing; Im still just drinking it black all the time now, I stopped putting the 3 heaping spoons of brown sugar, the large glurg of creamo about 6 months ago when I did that cleanse, and I never really went back to using it again. straight up, 14 cups of black coffee every day. Thats a lot of calories NOT being consumed, which is probably another reason shit like this has been happening to all my clothing:

If I let go of these pants, they will fall off while all the buttons are done up. Just plop. Straight to the floor.




And when I try to do my belt up tight enough to hold them up, the end of my belt ends up sticking way out past the buckle, like a whole foot or more and the material in the front of my jeans now is all bunched up with the two belt loops from the sides almost touching in the middle.




Ive been feelin pretty country this last little while, but now with all my clothing starting to fall off of me like this, and my belt being at the last hole, my country feel is starting to branch a bit over into hillbilly.


I want to make an infomercial about how much I hate infomercials. They should be banned.

My TV is still VERY rarely ever on. If its not me mucking around with the Xbox mods, or watching a DVD, then the receiver is simply tuned to CBC Radio all day long and that 27 inch screen is black. This morning, however, I had left it on from last night, and I wake to the strange cultural invasion of infomercials. I forgot how much I hated them until this morning as I tried to write my morning pages with the audio off, and simply the odd glance up at the screen to see some image of some fat, middle aged man struggling over the impossible maneuver of a single sit up.
Oh the look of agony on his face!
Oh the discomfort!
There MUST Be an easier way!!

The sad part about them however, is that they wouldnt be breeding and multiplying so rapidly if they havent been proven to be an incredibly lucrative form of marketing. That results in my understanding that in actuality, there are complete idiots in the hundreds of thousands all across the continent sitting glued to their TV, the remote clutched in their pudgy little, chicken grease covered fingers, closets full of ab flex machines, cross-training inner thigh busters, fat burning carb george foreman kitchen grills that will make you 3 million on real estate in 32 easy steps if you just buy this specially modified chicken breast in not 4, not 3, no.. just 2 easy payments of 29.95.

Why dont they just come right out and sell it. Fuck all this pussy footin around the topic. Dressing it up as a set of six pack abs, a trophy wife by the pool in the palm trees, fuck all that

Just sell me happy.
Ill buy.
Happy cream, the Happy-O-Matic 12 speed blender,

Keep the happy pills away from me though. I dont think I want to try them, apparently the suicide statistics of people taking them prove that suicide risk increases while on them. That just seems a little bit wrong to me and Id rather just not partake in that double blind placebo controlled cull thank you very much.


Anyways, dont expect to hear much from me for a while here. Maybe thatll change, but right now Im going through an anger thing.

I know I have explained my definition of Love over and over, and I have explained how I fully intended to battle my human knee-jerk reaction of anger to the treatment and the situations that were repeating themselves from October through to January. How I would remain compassionate and understanding. Etc etc

But I am currently looking at the dog. Sometimes seeing a sorrowful slant to his eye, and I am feeling moments of complete and real anger come over me when I see her abandonment of him as pretty fucking psychopathically weak, and total reneg of her responsibility over a life that has nothing to do with any of the shit that ever went down between us.
Truth is, she was a part of his life for his entire life, she was always there for him, and he definitely notices that shes not now.

I do what I can to try to make up for the void in his life that was her, but I know he is simply sad sometimes and theres nothing I can do about it. Then I wonder if his health has taken this slow turn because of his mental state, and I get really pissed off at her for being so incredibly weak.

I have quit smoking again though, so dont listen to anything I have to say. My pupils are dilated, my skin is red and splotchy and I have a very short fuse.
Cold Turkey baby.

Time Smoke-Free: 1 day, 15 hours, 18 minutes and 58 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 57
Money Saved: $15.31