Inertia.
Hmm, I seem to use that word relatively frequently, and always only in a single meaning of the word to me. I mean it by the way of not wanting to lose inertia. Like today:
two months ago, I thought it would be a good idea to completely re-arrange my living room. I thought I really needed to do that to jump start some sort of change in my life, so I did. Well, ever since I moved everything around like that, I haven't really used my living room again. The way it was layed out -- the way it had been layed out for the last 6 years -- was really the only way it can work with a 7.5 foot couch in a 12 foot wide room. Turning that all upside down seemed like a good idea at the time, but for the last 2 months, the energy in this room has been absolutely out of whack. not livable. Sorry Mr Feng Shui, was that your toe?
So on friday morning, as I was writing, I said to myself that I was going to take this weekend to try to come up with some new layout and perhaps even move it all back to much the way it used to be. I didn't actually go as far as to map out exactly when I was going to do that, I was just going to do that. Well, Saturday came and went. Saturday night, went out for beers with coolheart and met ..er girl. (
) both people very cool. Glad to have made your acquaintance mr chilly ventricle. After the Railway, we went down to Crush on Granville by Davie because my old armpit muse was doing some fundraiser thing there for a local prostitutes alternatives counseling and education group. Sexpo it was called, and it was women only until 10:00. I dont even really know what she was doing with it, but I was looking forward to seeing her when the general public was allowed in after 10:00. The three of us showed up there at about 10:15, and there was a lineup already outside of the club. We sort of backed up and off to the side a bit to check out the vibe of the people lining up to get in, and all three of us agreed it did not appear to be our scene. Coolheart and girl when up ahead to check out the Morrisey, while I handed my drivers licence off to the bouncer so I could do a quick walk about inside the club to find Trish and let her know we were heading up to Morrisey.
I couldnt find her. I asked a couple of the women that were obviously there from the Sexpo if they knew her, and they said shed left already.
I became a little bummed out by that, but whatever, it wasnt a for sure thing. I said MAYBE I would come down after 10.
The morrisey was packed, and I decided to just call it a night. I was home by 10:40.
When I got up today, I was just in a funk. Thats all, no explanation. I didnt do a whole lot today. Surfed the net, took the dog out for a short walk, stared a lot, and by around 2:30 pm, I was laying on the couch in its completely uncomfortable placement wondering when I was going to get around to moving everything around. You know how it is sometimes when the voice in your head is telling you to just get up and do it, but your body is just layin there, ignoring the voice?
Well that was me this afternoon. Finally the voice won and I just bolted up off the couch and immediately began to take all the books off the bookshelf. It was going to move too, and I was going to finally organize all those books. Of course, I have not gone through that bookshelf in over 4 years, so I inevitably ended up springing heart bound traps. I found an envelope of pictures of course, and like a traffic accident I slowed right down to open that flap. That took me back and it was a little bit painful, but I suppose pics you havent seen in a long time will always have an emotional grip on some part of you. We did look happy. Further into the shelving unit, I find stuffed in between some medical text books, 3 cards. Two from my birthday, and one from Valentines day last year. You know the ones.
I will always love you, no matter what, through good and bad you are the love of my life . Those ones. Of course, I gently put those aside.
I finally got the bookshelf completely empty. And I pulled it away from the wall. I found something strange inside the hearts of the dust bunnies behind that bookshelf:
Roses.
Just the severed heads of dried roses, long since broken off of the stems.
Robyn would always dry the roses I gave her. Sometimes they would be a single long stem, othertimes Id actually get a dozen, but she would always hang them and then once they dried shed lay them across the shelf I made for her. There is still one up there, I dont remember the occasion it comes from, maybe it was just one of those no reason roses.
Anyways, I guess over the years, some of the heads broke off and fell down behind this bookshelf. Feel a bit like I have just discovered a hidden mass gravesite.
I swept everything out from the back there, and I saw something poetic in that. Im just not sure what yet, but those large grey dust orbs, each with the heart of a dried rose, hiding behind that bookshelf for all these years from who knows what original gesture of love.
Anyways, not dwelling.
In the middle of this cleaning, I heard my msn messenger bing. I came over to the computer here and gave the mouse a kick to bring the screen up. It was Leah. I said a quick hello and then said I didnt want to lose the inertia I had going.
Then I looked it up.
inertia (-nrsh)
n.
1. The tendency of a body to resist acceleration; the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest or of a body in motion to stay in motion in a straight line unless acted on by an outside force.
2. Resistance or disinclination to motion, action, or change.
Hmmm. I have never ever used it with any thoughts that it could mean the second definition, but upon reading that, I was like hmm, I suppose the truth is, I am a bit of both.
Something has been becoming real for me in the last few weeks, and that realization has come down pretty heavy on me. I finally see that now.
Hmm, I seem to use that word relatively frequently, and always only in a single meaning of the word to me. I mean it by the way of not wanting to lose inertia. Like today:
two months ago, I thought it would be a good idea to completely re-arrange my living room. I thought I really needed to do that to jump start some sort of change in my life, so I did. Well, ever since I moved everything around like that, I haven't really used my living room again. The way it was layed out -- the way it had been layed out for the last 6 years -- was really the only way it can work with a 7.5 foot couch in a 12 foot wide room. Turning that all upside down seemed like a good idea at the time, but for the last 2 months, the energy in this room has been absolutely out of whack. not livable. Sorry Mr Feng Shui, was that your toe?
So on friday morning, as I was writing, I said to myself that I was going to take this weekend to try to come up with some new layout and perhaps even move it all back to much the way it used to be. I didn't actually go as far as to map out exactly when I was going to do that, I was just going to do that. Well, Saturday came and went. Saturday night, went out for beers with coolheart and met ..er girl. (
) both people very cool. Glad to have made your acquaintance mr chilly ventricle. After the Railway, we went down to Crush on Granville by Davie because my old armpit muse was doing some fundraiser thing there for a local prostitutes alternatives counseling and education group. Sexpo it was called, and it was women only until 10:00. I dont even really know what she was doing with it, but I was looking forward to seeing her when the general public was allowed in after 10:00. The three of us showed up there at about 10:15, and there was a lineup already outside of the club. We sort of backed up and off to the side a bit to check out the vibe of the people lining up to get in, and all three of us agreed it did not appear to be our scene. Coolheart and girl when up ahead to check out the Morrisey, while I handed my drivers licence off to the bouncer so I could do a quick walk about inside the club to find Trish and let her know we were heading up to Morrisey.
I couldnt find her. I asked a couple of the women that were obviously there from the Sexpo if they knew her, and they said shed left already.
I became a little bummed out by that, but whatever, it wasnt a for sure thing. I said MAYBE I would come down after 10.
The morrisey was packed, and I decided to just call it a night. I was home by 10:40.
When I got up today, I was just in a funk. Thats all, no explanation. I didnt do a whole lot today. Surfed the net, took the dog out for a short walk, stared a lot, and by around 2:30 pm, I was laying on the couch in its completely uncomfortable placement wondering when I was going to get around to moving everything around. You know how it is sometimes when the voice in your head is telling you to just get up and do it, but your body is just layin there, ignoring the voice?
Well that was me this afternoon. Finally the voice won and I just bolted up off the couch and immediately began to take all the books off the bookshelf. It was going to move too, and I was going to finally organize all those books. Of course, I have not gone through that bookshelf in over 4 years, so I inevitably ended up springing heart bound traps. I found an envelope of pictures of course, and like a traffic accident I slowed right down to open that flap. That took me back and it was a little bit painful, but I suppose pics you havent seen in a long time will always have an emotional grip on some part of you. We did look happy. Further into the shelving unit, I find stuffed in between some medical text books, 3 cards. Two from my birthday, and one from Valentines day last year. You know the ones.
I will always love you, no matter what, through good and bad you are the love of my life . Those ones. Of course, I gently put those aside.
I finally got the bookshelf completely empty. And I pulled it away from the wall. I found something strange inside the hearts of the dust bunnies behind that bookshelf:
Roses.
Just the severed heads of dried roses, long since broken off of the stems.
Robyn would always dry the roses I gave her. Sometimes they would be a single long stem, othertimes Id actually get a dozen, but she would always hang them and then once they dried shed lay them across the shelf I made for her. There is still one up there, I dont remember the occasion it comes from, maybe it was just one of those no reason roses.
Anyways, I guess over the years, some of the heads broke off and fell down behind this bookshelf. Feel a bit like I have just discovered a hidden mass gravesite.
I swept everything out from the back there, and I saw something poetic in that. Im just not sure what yet, but those large grey dust orbs, each with the heart of a dried rose, hiding behind that bookshelf for all these years from who knows what original gesture of love.
Anyways, not dwelling.
In the middle of this cleaning, I heard my msn messenger bing. I came over to the computer here and gave the mouse a kick to bring the screen up. It was Leah. I said a quick hello and then said I didnt want to lose the inertia I had going.
Then I looked it up.
inertia (-nrsh)
n.
1. The tendency of a body to resist acceleration; the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest or of a body in motion to stay in motion in a straight line unless acted on by an outside force.
2. Resistance or disinclination to motion, action, or change.
Hmmm. I have never ever used it with any thoughts that it could mean the second definition, but upon reading that, I was like hmm, I suppose the truth is, I am a bit of both.
Something has been becoming real for me in the last few weeks, and that realization has come down pretty heavy on me. I finally see that now.
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Feelings felt
any suggestions? is yours trained?