Like a rock.
Deadzone.
just pfffffft, she said, sweeping her hand in a flat line through the air between us.
out
That was a couple of weeks ago and she was talking about my funny little sleep thing I got goin on. We kinda laughed about it and I told her the story about when I slept through that fire.
Its not very funny this morning though.
At 8:00 last night, as we were just finishing up the last of the roast, and clinking our glasses together to another hard-to-come-up-with-another toast,
To girls night out! I say with a smile, clink. And shes putting her boots on.
House party out west side that Im invited to, but really didnt feel like going to and it was going to be her and a couple of her friends going. I already had premonitions of me standing alone and looking for a piece of drywall to frame me in a sheepish lean, and I was seeing a night at home for me to be in the cards. (Secondary strangeness is the fact that the person that is throwing the party is she-who-used-to-be-known-as-hers old boss. Know him fairly well from those years, and I suppose that was another reason I didnt go.)
you go, have fun, Ill give you the keys incase I fall asleep, but Ill probably just be up playing Fatal Frame II
A kiss in the hallway, I step back into my apartment and lock the door behind me.
Its a strange conditioning I notice when my first thought is shit, I gotta take Morgan out still, not getting undressed yet but then I remember..
Well not really remember, because I obviously already knew that the Morgster wasnt here, he was having a little sleepover night at she-who-used-to-be-known-as-shes place with Hugo and Madassin, his two favorite cats in the whole world, the cats he grew up with and probably still drools all over when he gets the chance.
Yes, Im happy to say hes been seein his mom again. havent mentioned that, I know, but that makes me happy.
(That all started with my trip to New York. I broke the silence and rules and emailed her briefly explaining the situation and she agreed to take him for that weekend. She even took days off work to be able to be with him at all times and I cant begin to explain how good I felt about that.
The poor hound had never been in a kennel before, and he never will be. Im happy for both of them to be able to spend time.)
So no, not taking Morgan out. I put the game back in, light a few more candles and turn out the lights. (As if this fucking game isnt scary enough in the day time.. lets make it super creepy dark in here and turn up the surround.) I lay back on the couch, cover myself up with a blanket as its cold in here, and commence the terror.
Twice I have to get up and walk over to plug the controller cable back into the front of the xbox because I fucking jumped so violently when that woman suddenly appeared around the corner, or when that creepy fucking thing crawled up out of the ground towards me that I ripped the cable out of its connection (note to self, buy wireless adapter for xbox)
I played it for a couple of hours, and around 10:00 I think I started to drift off..
mmm.. warm.. comfy.. If I fall asleep here, Ill most likely wake to her standing here beside me. She said she wouldnt be much later than midnight.
Deadzone. Like a rock. Out.
Eyes pop open. Im still on the couch but the blanket has fallen off and Im cold, in the midst of that suddenly awake confusion where sometimes you dont know what day it is, you dont know if youre late for work, and you dont know if thats 4:16 am or 4:16 pm on the VCR clock
4:16???!
Getting up and looking at my watch, its definitely quarter after 4. Shes not here.
WTF? She didnt call?
Stopping any sort of thought process about car accidents or debauchery, I stumble over to the kitchen window where my cell phone is plugged in.
--one missed call
12:16 am.
1 voicemessage.
hey little freak. I was just at your place and I couldnt get in. I tried that key you gave me but I guess I didnt have all the requirements. I knocked and knocked, but I guess you were asleep. Ill be sleeping at home tonight, and I guess Ill talk to you in the morning.
fuck, that's right. The deadbolt I lock from the inside isn't the same deadbolt I lock from the outside. There isn't a key for the one I lock from the inside.. How could I have forgotten that??
Damn. I can suck sometimes, and my sleep pattern is dangerous. Where do I go when I am out like that?
I went to bed, and layed there with the image in my head of her walking all the way up to my apartment here, standing out there in the hallway outside my door knocking, knocking waiting and dripping from the downpour she had to face to get there Picturing her finally giving up and trudging back through the rain to her own cold bed and it took me a while to fall back asleep.
But some people just rock. I talked her a bit ago on the phone and shes just so incredibly fucking cool.
Ok, jumpin in the shower here, headin up bute street with a pocket full of dog cookies for a surprisingly friendly leash hand off.
Deadzone.
just pfffffft, she said, sweeping her hand in a flat line through the air between us.
out
That was a couple of weeks ago and she was talking about my funny little sleep thing I got goin on. We kinda laughed about it and I told her the story about when I slept through that fire.
Its not very funny this morning though.
At 8:00 last night, as we were just finishing up the last of the roast, and clinking our glasses together to another hard-to-come-up-with-another toast,
To girls night out! I say with a smile, clink. And shes putting her boots on.
House party out west side that Im invited to, but really didnt feel like going to and it was going to be her and a couple of her friends going. I already had premonitions of me standing alone and looking for a piece of drywall to frame me in a sheepish lean, and I was seeing a night at home for me to be in the cards. (Secondary strangeness is the fact that the person that is throwing the party is she-who-used-to-be-known-as-hers old boss. Know him fairly well from those years, and I suppose that was another reason I didnt go.)
you go, have fun, Ill give you the keys incase I fall asleep, but Ill probably just be up playing Fatal Frame II
A kiss in the hallway, I step back into my apartment and lock the door behind me.
Its a strange conditioning I notice when my first thought is shit, I gotta take Morgan out still, not getting undressed yet but then I remember..
Well not really remember, because I obviously already knew that the Morgster wasnt here, he was having a little sleepover night at she-who-used-to-be-known-as-shes place with Hugo and Madassin, his two favorite cats in the whole world, the cats he grew up with and probably still drools all over when he gets the chance.
Yes, Im happy to say hes been seein his mom again. havent mentioned that, I know, but that makes me happy.
(That all started with my trip to New York. I broke the silence and rules and emailed her briefly explaining the situation and she agreed to take him for that weekend. She even took days off work to be able to be with him at all times and I cant begin to explain how good I felt about that.
The poor hound had never been in a kennel before, and he never will be. Im happy for both of them to be able to spend time.)
So no, not taking Morgan out. I put the game back in, light a few more candles and turn out the lights. (As if this fucking game isnt scary enough in the day time.. lets make it super creepy dark in here and turn up the surround.) I lay back on the couch, cover myself up with a blanket as its cold in here, and commence the terror.
Twice I have to get up and walk over to plug the controller cable back into the front of the xbox because I fucking jumped so violently when that woman suddenly appeared around the corner, or when that creepy fucking thing crawled up out of the ground towards me that I ripped the cable out of its connection (note to self, buy wireless adapter for xbox)
I played it for a couple of hours, and around 10:00 I think I started to drift off..
mmm.. warm.. comfy.. If I fall asleep here, Ill most likely wake to her standing here beside me. She said she wouldnt be much later than midnight.
Deadzone. Like a rock. Out.
Eyes pop open. Im still on the couch but the blanket has fallen off and Im cold, in the midst of that suddenly awake confusion where sometimes you dont know what day it is, you dont know if youre late for work, and you dont know if thats 4:16 am or 4:16 pm on the VCR clock
4:16???!
Getting up and looking at my watch, its definitely quarter after 4. Shes not here.
WTF? She didnt call?
Stopping any sort of thought process about car accidents or debauchery, I stumble over to the kitchen window where my cell phone is plugged in.
--one missed call
12:16 am.
1 voicemessage.
hey little freak. I was just at your place and I couldnt get in. I tried that key you gave me but I guess I didnt have all the requirements. I knocked and knocked, but I guess you were asleep. Ill be sleeping at home tonight, and I guess Ill talk to you in the morning.
fuck, that's right. The deadbolt I lock from the inside isn't the same deadbolt I lock from the outside. There isn't a key for the one I lock from the inside.. How could I have forgotten that??
Damn. I can suck sometimes, and my sleep pattern is dangerous. Where do I go when I am out like that?
I went to bed, and layed there with the image in my head of her walking all the way up to my apartment here, standing out there in the hallway outside my door knocking, knocking waiting and dripping from the downpour she had to face to get there Picturing her finally giving up and trudging back through the rain to her own cold bed and it took me a while to fall back asleep.
But some people just rock. I talked her a bit ago on the phone and shes just so incredibly fucking cool.
Ok, jumpin in the shower here, headin up bute street with a pocket full of dog cookies for a surprisingly friendly leash hand off.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
fukidunno:
Wow, the day. Never say never.
Never say never. 
yeknomyknuf:
It's good to hear all the happy things you've got going on. Reading your journal is always like reading a chapter in a book and I enjoy it. I wanted to stop by since I haven't for a while. I yank out my Xbox controller a ll the time too, playing much less frightening games. I can't even play Bloodrayne by myself with the lights out 
Give Morgan headscratchies for me.
Give Morgan headscratchies for me.