Well I tried to be bad but I'm just not any good at it. People seem to like me better when I'm an asshole, but I don't like myself better. I guess I have to settle for letting it out in small doses rather than all at once. Anyway, that isn't the subject for this post, so I'll just get on with it.
The strive for perfection. Perfection is of course unobtainable, the key to the previous sentence is the phrase "strive for". To strive for perfection, to work hard at something knowing you will not succeed but to test the limit of how far you can take yourself. Some people may relate this to ambition, having a goal, but the way I've always thought of ambition is being material. Ambitious people want things they can obtain, not necessarily physical objects, but still an obtainable goal.
This distinction will be important as this post continues. When speaking of striving for perfection, I cannot help but think of the Japanese. Swordsmen, training for years and years, sacrificing their bodies and lives for an ideal of perfection. Testing themselves in ways that would make navy seals weep for their mothers. Swordmakers, spending their entire lives learning the single trade of forming a blade and all the sciences associated with it simply to make a blade that may be very marginally than the next best Swordmaker's. Martial artists, devoting countless hours to get just a little bit better.
Of course, this isn't something that only applies to people in warlike professions, or ancient cultures. Musicians, painters, scientists, take your pick. They strive for perfection, to better themselves even a little bit every single day, so that one of them can be the next Einstein, Hendrix, Warhol, you name them. They have a drive to make their mark on the world and change things in a way that can never be reversed or ignored. I admire them greatly for it. I find myself consumed by the thought of striving for perfection on a daily basis, and yet I have nothing specific which pulls at me to do so.
I have no real ambition, the idea of working hard to make a lot of money feels like an empty promise, "for the things you own, end up owning you". I worked a great job for a couple of years, making pretty good money, and the more I made the more I spent and bought and signed up for, until before I knew it I was working solely to keep paying for those things. I've eliminated that from my life at this point, and have no interest in going back. I have nothing specific which calls to me, no drive to push myself to get better at anything. I have ideas of things I would like to try, and things I would like to be better at, however nothing that consumes my every waking moment or calls to me in my sleep.
One of my friends is a musician, who I think is a particularly gifted guitar player. The guy picks up a guitar at the age of 17, and it just makes sense to him. For 7 or 8 years now that I have known him, he plays guitar all the time, he writes music, he learns different styles, he buys equipment. He has been in a couple of bands some for decent amounts of time and others not. But he has never ceased writing his own music regardless. The guitar drives him, it consumes him, and I find myself dripping with envy.
The question I would like you all to think about is this; Do we all have something that can create that drive for us, or are some of us born with it and others not? I certainly have not yet discovered what I am passionate about, and the idea that I never will is frightening. I refuse to be another person working to pay for more material bullshit I don't need. Money will be a means to an end, the assistant who helps to support my drive. If only I could figure out what that is.
The strive for perfection. Perfection is of course unobtainable, the key to the previous sentence is the phrase "strive for". To strive for perfection, to work hard at something knowing you will not succeed but to test the limit of how far you can take yourself. Some people may relate this to ambition, having a goal, but the way I've always thought of ambition is being material. Ambitious people want things they can obtain, not necessarily physical objects, but still an obtainable goal.
This distinction will be important as this post continues. When speaking of striving for perfection, I cannot help but think of the Japanese. Swordsmen, training for years and years, sacrificing their bodies and lives for an ideal of perfection. Testing themselves in ways that would make navy seals weep for their mothers. Swordmakers, spending their entire lives learning the single trade of forming a blade and all the sciences associated with it simply to make a blade that may be very marginally than the next best Swordmaker's. Martial artists, devoting countless hours to get just a little bit better.
Of course, this isn't something that only applies to people in warlike professions, or ancient cultures. Musicians, painters, scientists, take your pick. They strive for perfection, to better themselves even a little bit every single day, so that one of them can be the next Einstein, Hendrix, Warhol, you name them. They have a drive to make their mark on the world and change things in a way that can never be reversed or ignored. I admire them greatly for it. I find myself consumed by the thought of striving for perfection on a daily basis, and yet I have nothing specific which pulls at me to do so.
I have no real ambition, the idea of working hard to make a lot of money feels like an empty promise, "for the things you own, end up owning you". I worked a great job for a couple of years, making pretty good money, and the more I made the more I spent and bought and signed up for, until before I knew it I was working solely to keep paying for those things. I've eliminated that from my life at this point, and have no interest in going back. I have nothing specific which calls to me, no drive to push myself to get better at anything. I have ideas of things I would like to try, and things I would like to be better at, however nothing that consumes my every waking moment or calls to me in my sleep.
One of my friends is a musician, who I think is a particularly gifted guitar player. The guy picks up a guitar at the age of 17, and it just makes sense to him. For 7 or 8 years now that I have known him, he plays guitar all the time, he writes music, he learns different styles, he buys equipment. He has been in a couple of bands some for decent amounts of time and others not. But he has never ceased writing his own music regardless. The guitar drives him, it consumes him, and I find myself dripping with envy.
The question I would like you all to think about is this; Do we all have something that can create that drive for us, or are some of us born with it and others not? I certainly have not yet discovered what I am passionate about, and the idea that I never will is frightening. I refuse to be another person working to pay for more material bullshit I don't need. Money will be a means to an end, the assistant who helps to support my drive. If only I could figure out what that is.