photobscura

I hate pap smears.

That was probably the worst experience I've ever had at a dr.'s office. I think i rather have cervic cancer than go back. It sucked, and the worst part is that I have to go back in two months to try again. Uh I hate it! I'm just so angry. Why did it hurt? What the hell were those things? Aren't we technically advanced by now that we can place something in a women's vagina that isn't the same tools used by a cave man? If it hurts again I don't think I'll ever go back.


I guess I didn't relax cause it felt like something was scrapping against me. Then she said it would have to go higher and it kind of scared because it was like she was going to go somewhere that would hurt a lot more so I started freaking out and told her to take it out.

I'm so angry, I know it sounds melodramatic but I almost feel kind of raped. I keep crying on and off and I feel so violated. I think it's because when I told her to take it out it took her a few seconds. Seconds, not so long, but when it feels like a metal tool is scrapping inside of you against, well, you know it seems like a lot of time.

I'm gonna try to start drawing. Sometimes when I stop drawing and I try to draw somethign free hand it comes out good. Then I keep drawing and it starts going down hill from there lol. I think that's just the way my brain is, when I do something good or correctly my brain is like "wait a minute, somethings wrong." So I start doing something right.

Well anyway, I tried drawing something free hand today. I think it turned out well for someone who's a crappy artist.