I often wonder about the meaning of dreams. For the most part I tell myself they have no relevance. But every once in a while I have a dream and it kinda gets to me.
What's got me thinking is the recurrence of dreams that have the theme of infidelity. They are different than just some erotic dream or fantasy, because in the dream I am totally conscious of the fact that I am cheating on someone. In some dreams I am pleased by the freedom of such a decision. In my most recent dream (and the first I've had since I've been with Eva) my conscience was plagued with worry, but it didn't stop me from doing it in the dream. In fact, despite how distraught I was, I clearly remember the sense of satisfaction and pleasure I got being so intense - it makes me wish I could recapture that sensation. It's really weird.
I mean i've never been one to lie and say that the idea of being in a committed relationship longterm is something I long for. If anything, the idea of remaining with the same person for years at a time seems far too constricting for me to ever want to do it. But then I meet someone amazing and obviously that perspective changes. It's sad because I can't really explain what part of my brain is so hungry to pursue other people. I know it's 75% sex drive.. You know - that part of my brain that says "I want to sleep with a lot of different woman before I ever settle down. I need to know what's out there." Because honestly, i'm so picky about who i get romantically involved with, I can't see it being a personal thing at all.
But then of course it seems so aweful, shallow, and wrong to let my sexual curiosity be a deciding factor in important life decisions. But what can i say? Am i expected to live my whole life wondering what I'm missing and feeling regret for giving something up?
I guess i have in my mind the idea that i have some sort of point i need to reach, a benchmark of some kind, at which time I will suddenly know I'm satisfied and willing to settle down. But i don't know if that's jsut a device of my mind to avoid commitment for other reasons.
and of course this is probably the one topic I am not comfortable bringing up to my girlfriend, because I'm too afraid she won't reciprocate and be mad and upset and it doesn't seem worth it.
at the end of the day I don't really think it's THAT big of a deal. It's just when i start having dreams, i wonder if maybe that's the universe's way of saying "this is more important to you than you might want to admit."
so yeah. how about that
edit:
http://suicidegirls.com/girls/Rigel/galleries/Petite+Merde/1/1/flash/
This photoset from Cherry and Rigel is by far the most amazing photography i've ever experienced. The reaction i had to that was not only greater than that of any photoset i've seen before, it was on a different level, in a way I never thought I could respond to a bunch of photographs. After I sped through the gallery, the sensation was that of having just watched an amazingly stunning film - a sort of state of shock. wow
What's got me thinking is the recurrence of dreams that have the theme of infidelity. They are different than just some erotic dream or fantasy, because in the dream I am totally conscious of the fact that I am cheating on someone. In some dreams I am pleased by the freedom of such a decision. In my most recent dream (and the first I've had since I've been with Eva) my conscience was plagued with worry, but it didn't stop me from doing it in the dream. In fact, despite how distraught I was, I clearly remember the sense of satisfaction and pleasure I got being so intense - it makes me wish I could recapture that sensation. It's really weird.
I mean i've never been one to lie and say that the idea of being in a committed relationship longterm is something I long for. If anything, the idea of remaining with the same person for years at a time seems far too constricting for me to ever want to do it. But then I meet someone amazing and obviously that perspective changes. It's sad because I can't really explain what part of my brain is so hungry to pursue other people. I know it's 75% sex drive.. You know - that part of my brain that says "I want to sleep with a lot of different woman before I ever settle down. I need to know what's out there." Because honestly, i'm so picky about who i get romantically involved with, I can't see it being a personal thing at all.
But then of course it seems so aweful, shallow, and wrong to let my sexual curiosity be a deciding factor in important life decisions. But what can i say? Am i expected to live my whole life wondering what I'm missing and feeling regret for giving something up?
I guess i have in my mind the idea that i have some sort of point i need to reach, a benchmark of some kind, at which time I will suddenly know I'm satisfied and willing to settle down. But i don't know if that's jsut a device of my mind to avoid commitment for other reasons.
and of course this is probably the one topic I am not comfortable bringing up to my girlfriend, because I'm too afraid she won't reciprocate and be mad and upset and it doesn't seem worth it.
at the end of the day I don't really think it's THAT big of a deal. It's just when i start having dreams, i wonder if maybe that's the universe's way of saying "this is more important to you than you might want to admit."
so yeah. how about that
edit:
http://suicidegirls.com/girls/Rigel/galleries/Petite+Merde/1/1/flash/
This photoset from Cherry and Rigel is by far the most amazing photography i've ever experienced. The reaction i had to that was not only greater than that of any photoset i've seen before, it was on a different level, in a way I never thought I could respond to a bunch of photographs. After I sped through the gallery, the sensation was that of having just watched an amazingly stunning film - a sort of state of shock. wow
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Most people have that "being shunned" period in high-school or gradeschool so thats why its sort of surprising to encounter it now.
I would love to visit the states again! And NY is the cheapest place to go, there are even flights that go directly to NY from Stockholm which is great. The times I've flown to the US before there were always these long half-way stops where you had to spend hours at some airport and your luggage would always get lost. Most of the time the visits were for my cousins Bat Mitzvahs, so I kept losing "the one" fancy outfit I had brought to wear and always ended up standing there is some weird borrowed outfit.