The only thing that keeps me going during times of apathy like this are songs. Usually sad, slow, and pretty. I remember the time when i was 17 and i broke up with my first girlfriend after a long, tumultuous relationship. I put my head down on the desk and played "It's Going To Get Worse Before It Gets Better" by Piebald on repeat for God knows how long. It remained the most played song on my Last FM account for like 3 years.
Now I listen to Sufjan Stevens' "Chicago A.C." and try to smile about something. I don't know if it's a sad song or not. In the last few weeks I've thought about killing myself more times than I have in the past few years. At the end of the night, I avoid sleep as much as humanly possible. Then i sleep in for countless hours.
I think the truly amazing thing about this kind of feeling is that you don't really want to get better. It builds upon itself in that all you want to do is dwell in your misery. When people try to cheer you up, you become frustrated with them.
From "Polar Opposites" by Modest Mouse
"I'm tryin
I'm tryin to
Drink away the part of the day
That i cannot sleep away"
Now I listen to Sufjan Stevens' "Chicago A.C." and try to smile about something. I don't know if it's a sad song or not. In the last few weeks I've thought about killing myself more times than I have in the past few years. At the end of the night, I avoid sleep as much as humanly possible. Then i sleep in for countless hours.
I think the truly amazing thing about this kind of feeling is that you don't really want to get better. It builds upon itself in that all you want to do is dwell in your misery. When people try to cheer you up, you become frustrated with them.
From "Polar Opposites" by Modest Mouse
"I'm tryin
I'm tryin to
Drink away the part of the day
That i cannot sleep away"
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Theres a strage Scottsman in your house!!? Never invite them into your house! hahahaha but seriously how do you understand him? Everytime I talk to one with a strong accent I'm like WTH!!? Can't understand a word. So now there's one on your couch and I'm hoping your still alive.
Yeah I love my job despite having a twat for a boss. I work as a graphic designer so there's always something different to do. And downstairs at my work are all these huge amazing printing presses and I go down and talk to the other workers there when I need a break from something.
Coatcheck for 5 hours!!? Thats crazy. No wonder you drink at work. ha.
I really want to drink Captain Morgan because it has such a cool name But I HATE rum. Its the only bad thing about priates. Do you like it?
I type 101 words a minute. But its in my own language.
And yes, on one condition. I get to spend Sping/Summer in America then Spring/Summer in NZ. No winters