I see people and i judge and categorize them. Just in the last 10 minutes i've labeled two people as creative geniuses. I am utterly convinced that i am not now, nor will i ever be, a creative genius... And i am infinitely jealous of these people. I feel like i can see a single journal entry or piece of writing or artwork or something that a person has done and just know whether or not they are a creative genius. I don't think that a person has to be a creative genius for their art to be of value or worth. Quite conversely i feel that despite the fact that i am a creative genius, i still have a shitload of potential to create things that are beautiful and wonderful in a totally different way. I just see creative geniuses as a certain type of individual. I could never explain to you in finite words exactly what it is. but you just know. There are a number of them on this site... Sometimes you have to dig for them. Sometimes they're obvious...
Obviously i love and hate them. Entirely because i want to be them really.
i don't hate them at all but hate myself for not being everything i want to be. Even now i hate myself for not being more effective in my social interaction. I hate the fact that i know of only two people who still read my journal. I hate the fact that there are people in the world that i so desperately wish to know on a personal level, but if i cannot change the way i function as a person i never will. It is usually those creative individuals that i wish to seek out. Not all of them fit under my "genius" label. Somebody asked me once if i could be anywhere in teh world right now with anyone, who would it be and where? I said i would like to be chillin somewhere with Dave Matthews just talking life. If not Dave Matthews then one of the lead songwriters from System of a Down, as they both seem like fascinating people. And the reality is that they're people and if i relate to them so much, they will probably seem so much less like fascinating people in that distant fantasy sense and more like people that i like and get along with and relate to. Unfortunately all i do is obsess over these thigns that i want and how i feel i could get so much out of them... But i spend my days at home working in the yard, sleeping, playing guitar, and dreaming of a future i do not work to build.
A wise person recently reminded me that moments like these come and go and that in time it will pass and i will return to my fervor of dreaming and seeking. And maybe my dreaming and seeking will not be fruitless. But my God. There are a few people in this world that i am dying to know just to ease my mind. If i found i was nothing like them and that they were not the person i make them out to be, i could become disenchanted and maybe then learn to just live within myself. And if they were the person i made them out to be, then i could be satisfied in my own judgement and take comfort in my wisdom.
It's the first time in a while i've actually gone and read a lot of people's journals. I'm having a moment where everybody just seems so damn beautiful and human and i want desperately to hug them and sit with them and talk about every fucking detail of every little piece that is our lives. I want to learn and grow and change things. The more i learn about people the happier i feel. I am so judgemental and i hate it, but i am trying not to be now because i've realized how terrible i can be. I love people. I admire so many people and value them in so many ways and i do not know why that gets lost in my other thoughts.
I am terrified of people but i need them.
Obviously i love and hate them. Entirely because i want to be them really.
i don't hate them at all but hate myself for not being everything i want to be. Even now i hate myself for not being more effective in my social interaction. I hate the fact that i know of only two people who still read my journal. I hate the fact that there are people in the world that i so desperately wish to know on a personal level, but if i cannot change the way i function as a person i never will. It is usually those creative individuals that i wish to seek out. Not all of them fit under my "genius" label. Somebody asked me once if i could be anywhere in teh world right now with anyone, who would it be and where? I said i would like to be chillin somewhere with Dave Matthews just talking life. If not Dave Matthews then one of the lead songwriters from System of a Down, as they both seem like fascinating people. And the reality is that they're people and if i relate to them so much, they will probably seem so much less like fascinating people in that distant fantasy sense and more like people that i like and get along with and relate to. Unfortunately all i do is obsess over these thigns that i want and how i feel i could get so much out of them... But i spend my days at home working in the yard, sleeping, playing guitar, and dreaming of a future i do not work to build.
A wise person recently reminded me that moments like these come and go and that in time it will pass and i will return to my fervor of dreaming and seeking. And maybe my dreaming and seeking will not be fruitless. But my God. There are a few people in this world that i am dying to know just to ease my mind. If i found i was nothing like them and that they were not the person i make them out to be, i could become disenchanted and maybe then learn to just live within myself. And if they were the person i made them out to be, then i could be satisfied in my own judgement and take comfort in my wisdom.
It's the first time in a while i've actually gone and read a lot of people's journals. I'm having a moment where everybody just seems so damn beautiful and human and i want desperately to hug them and sit with them and talk about every fucking detail of every little piece that is our lives. I want to learn and grow and change things. The more i learn about people the happier i feel. I am so judgemental and i hate it, but i am trying not to be now because i've realized how terrible i can be. I love people. I admire so many people and value them in so many ways and i do not know why that gets lost in my other thoughts.
I am terrified of people but i need them.
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hazardous to health?