perplext

attempts to fix problems fail like a 450lb tightrope walker. means to escape drama and conflict and quit bringing down the only person i give a shit about increase daily. waiting for love to blossom in a relationship knowing that its easily blossomed without effort elsewhere leave track marks of heart ache and sleepless nights. why can't feelings that were capable of amassing so quickly before not be resurrected towards someone that likes me? all signs point to shut the fuck up and be happy pussy and yet i feel i'm headed for a crash. driving tired will be the end of me, tiredlessly loving was the end of my mind. sanity is a joke best served with honey roasted peanuts while you sit upright allowing the drill to slowly pierce your skull and let your feeling disappear. just like the care and concern you thought others had for you, everything goes away with time, trying to salvage something broken seems to erode the walls of friendship quicker than a monsoon. a career and location change seem imminent and i can't be happy because its pretty much just to run away from someone i want to be around more. truly caring for people is being an amputee after a war, those that just got fucked are better off. this past year has shown trust no one, no one cares about anyone but themselves, people will say they care only when threatened with the reality that they make no attempts to hang out with you. "rock n' roll" has taken the art of making those you care about feel special and turned it into a game of drink and procreate. i give my current relationship a month, as a deep connection fails to be made. i give my efforts in the music scene here even less as it appears to become less appreciated each minute. i give my new potential employment and life everything, as burying myself in something that will challenge me without stabbing me is what i need. i give wishes of happiness to those that are why i am leaving, so that they can be happy without me bringing them down. i give any friend that gave a shit enough to make an attempt to hang out and remedy problems my thanks. lastly i give my apathy, i've dealt with high school mentalities way too long, when people know what feelings like love and passion and care and worry and fear are all about, i'll respect them, until then i refuse to deal with naiveity and blatant disregard for self image. i give up.