Last night sucked ass. I am an asshole and nobody likes me. That's not true but, I broke up with Justin and I feel like a jerk and he's all cool about it and still wants to hang out with me and I feel so bad I can't even look at him. I don't know why i started crying driving home maybe it was the sad music I was listening to. I just know that everythings going to change, well, obviously. But I know we can never be friends and hang out and I was just starting to really like him too. Then I want nothing more than get sloshed with Ann and drown my worries in vodka. So I call ann and she's still babysitting but she's going to call me when she's on the way. So then I decide to tend to my poor razor-burned privates when i hear a deep raspy "KIIIM " coming from my window. Shocking the hell out of my unzipped self. Then i realize that it's carrie at my window, she rang th doorbell but I didn't hear and my parents are too lazy to open the door. We go to starbucks and meet ann there like always, not paying for our drinks like always. We act out our stories of the past couple of days since we've seen each other last, chain smoking and fueling ourselves with triple shots of espresso hoping that tonight we'll need it. Ann tells carrie about how we got stood up the night before by daniel and james. They said they'd be over when the tv show they were watching was over and after waiting 3 hours they fucking call to say they're going to a club with a bunch of people instead. Lets see go to a club and get drunk or go hang out with two hot chicks waiting for you in a jacuzzi where you have a definite chance of getting laid. Idiots. Ann pretends it doesn't bother her but I saw the look on her face everytime she saw headlights pass by the house hoping that it was them, for the passed 3 hours. I'm pissed, ater being shot down wednesday, thursday and friday night. So anyways where was i ? Ok so ann says daniel never called her after that not even to apologise or anything, soshe's debating whether or not to call him, the desire to get drunk is overwhelming so she puts her pride aside and calls him and asks what he's doing, then tells him we want to get drunk, he's like well that's nice but Tylers over and he can't do that. Ann feels stupid and shot down. I call James and see what he's doing and he's going to bed so I'm shot down too. Ouch. Ann calls aaron and he's going home but he'll call seth to see if he wants to get drunk, but alas another strike. Wow we're on a hot one. What' Alex doing, he's always got a party going on or knows of one, no, Alex is deadly ill. WTF! No one likes us anymore. We call amber and she wants us to come over and that's great, ambers having fun getting tossed at her house but amber's house is far and how will we get home especially me who has work at 7:30 am the next morning. So ann suggests that we go to fishawi, ok, what else are we going to do, we don't want to give up being that it's saturday night. I've never been there being 18 so what the hell. Fishawi's is gross, densely populated by wiggers, hip hoppers, and hoochies and we are enormously out of place. our "server" suggests plum flavored tobacco and of course we think we're going to get something good, hopefully laced, so we order that. Plum is didgusting I wanted to barf. Ann wants a water but she doesn't want to get up becasue everyone will look ate her and you have to squeeze yourself through the masses just to get to the vending machine. So I volunteer to look retarded and I go and of course the machine won't take my dollar and the server comes up to me and he talks loudly and slowly to me like i don't speak english and says "water! there!" and points to the other vending machine. Ok i feel like a huge dumbass for trying to buy water. Lame. Afterwards I feel ill. We go to inn n out and bump Easy E going thru the drive thru and a bunch of bikers are cracking up cuz were all singing "all I want is some pussy." so as I' writing this Justin calls me trying to talk to me while choking back tears it sounds. And i want to cry too, I'm sorry I'm an asshole, I just can't go back to loving justin after james theres no way. i can picture myself having kids with james, i actually want to, but I don't see that with justin. With justin it's a different kind of love, i love hanging out with him and I love plotting all sorts of evil and I love the way that he thinks I'm so cool, but I'm not in love with him. I am such a fuck and I know I'm going to get what I deserve. I'm going to fall in love with james and he's going to dump me and then finally I will know what it's like. I am going to miss staying up all night i already know i can't do that with james, pansy actually needs sleep, puh. alright I've already written more than enough. Christ look at all I wrote. I should do this more often but now I need a ciggy. 