Monday Apr 27, 2009

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Wedding is soon, soon for the wedding. Gosh so soon.
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harleen:
That's really soon! Let me know if there's an address we can send a little something something to you both <3
harleen:
6th of June! Looking forward to it. Will you be on honeymoon?

Saturday Apr 18, 2009

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I hate stuff that beeps

Phones
Alarms
Ovens

and particularly the angry, shitty beep noise my car makes when you tey to put the alarm on and the door isn't shut properly.
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spamtwo:
they should make all sat navs sound like HAL 9000 biggrin
niobe:
Happy Earth Day! smile

Sunday Apr 05, 2009

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We went to an awesome lezza wedding yesterday.
My wife to be did the Dirty Dancing lift with the groom and danced to MC Hammer with granny.
We were at that stage of drunk where you truely believe that you are the greatest dancer.

It was a lovely day.....I cried......it started to dawn on me that our wedding is not very far away at all!...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
harleen:
Hello sweetness - I'm gonna be in Liverpool for a friends birthday / tattoo convention in June. Are you planning on going? There's a pirate themed night or something at the uni on the Saturday, which we apparently are going to. I might dress up as big bird though, pirates are so 2004.
harleen:
Saturday 6th June biggrin , that's as much as I know at the minute x

Tuesday Mar 24, 2009

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I had a Tuesday night at work without discussing erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and wanking!
And a night time carpet picnic.
And I have the day off tomorrow.

I feel vaguely normal.
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sticks:
A discussion without talk of erectile dysfunction is like a day without sunshine.
zombieelvis:
I'm not sure there's anything dysfunctional about not being able to get erect. It'd solve an awful lot of my problems. I'd be climbing tress and playing with train sets and stuff, which is exactly the sort of awesome thing I used to do before erections came along. Anyone complains to you about erectile dysfunction, give them a meccano set and remind them how great it was in the old days.

I'd much rather be building a truck with strips of hole-punched metal than busying myself in a pair of messy flaps, waiting for the whole disgusting spectacle to be over.

Sunday Mar 15, 2009

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Spring

She waited:
breath held,
lungs bursting,
for spring to come and take the edge
(the mirror sharp
skate blade
broken glass
icicled edge)
off; to bring the relief
of green
and blue. Waited.

Waited through dryer lint
grey skies
flattening and heavy
falling wet and cold
on already chapped cheeks;

waited, still, red fingers numb,
through dark drives to work
and dark drives home...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
zombieelvis:
No, but they have hoods. Tall pointy white hoods.

Nice poem. I both subscribe to and enjoy your Smelly Lezzer cannon of work, but wonder if you could perhaps post something from your lesser -known 'Aids Mop' period?
zombieelvis:
I just got an urge to poo.

Saturday Mar 07, 2009

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Gah, I have to clean my car today.
It smells of council estate.
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zombieelvis:
Can I sit in a cupboard and wait for your grannies to walk past? Can I lunge at them with an eclair? Can I ask what it's like to be so old and know so much about the world? Can I ask what it was like during the war? Can I ask what Jesus really looked like? Can I ask what the best way to get grass stains from my pants is? Will they dance with me like they did in the old days? Do they have wheelchairs? Can I push them around the car park a while? Can we go shopping? Will they buy me a cake? Or a toy? Will they remember me at Christmas? Can I go and stay with them? Can I move in with them and win their affection and eventually replace you both in their wills? Will they make me say prayers? I hate saying prayers. Can we tell stories instead?
harleen:
Your car smells of stale pee? Dirty cow...

Tuesday Feb 03, 2009

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What an odd week I'm having, makes me feel all out of sorts. Or is it because I'm out of sorts that I'm having an odd week?

I'm often amased at my capacity to be reasonable and maintain control. To do the grown up, proper thing.

Thing is what I really want to do is react how all my instincts are telling me to. To...
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the_fox:
I'm happy to do the irresponsible thing on your behalf.

Saturday Jan 24, 2009

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First session of tattoo tweaking done!
Much much happier with it.......and cheaper.......and without all the incessant moaning.
spamtwo:
Cheats never prosper, well actually they do, unless they get caught biggrin
sallyseersucker:
Come join our newly formed SG Nike+ Team!

Tuesday Jan 20, 2009

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Ha!
I am getting thinner!
I want to weigh myself but I'm not allowed to until the 11th of Feb.
Some of the cheeky fuckers on the programme sneakily weighed themselves though. Bastards, I want to. I feel like I'm missing out.

I keep finding random crap in my house. Does anyone want a Beano jigsaw book?
mukki:
everyone else laughs...
everyone else thinks that I'm making a joke...
yet I shag a bike and only you recognise me for the filthy bastard I am... that's special, real special

*wipes away tear*
spamtwo:
why are you not allowed to weigh yourself until the 11th?

Wednesday Jan 07, 2009

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Ooooo I might go back to school!

Like proper school, for 4 years and everything.
spamtwo:
Infants or Juniors wink
the_happy_pig:
Why does this instantly spring to mind?


Friday Jan 02, 2009

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Pity poor Perdy, for her nose is cold, her toes is froze and she is maaaaaaaad.
johnnyforeigner:
Damn you God, for making Perdy this way shocked Get well soon smile
spamtwo:
You need to stop hanging around parks doing exercise. It can only be bad for you tongue

Get well soon

Monday Dec 29, 2008

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Day 1 of Enter The Kettlebell.

Boxing warm up
10 sets of 20 swings with a minutes active (jogging) rest between.

Unfortunately I can't seem to get in the running training through the week at the moment so I'm swinging myballs instead and running at the weekend.

God it feels good to not be bloated and hungover today.
The park was lovely and frosty this...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
spamtwo:
Swinging your balls in public? Good luck with that. I really must do some excise at some point in the next year tongue
mukki:
i had to give up boxing, as i fart whenever i swing.

that is why i had to give up swinging too. not too bad, but i only have two hobbies left on my cv now.
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