pepper13

OK so I suppose that it is time that I update, i still have not caught up with everyones journal that I would like to but as promised I will. Sooo anyway every 13 days or so I have to have a really pessimistic journal entry and me not being one to break tradition, here it is. Driving home from the bar I realized something (and yes if you are wondering , I am drunk) I really , REALLY, do not have any friends. I know, I know what you are thinking, He is fucked up and exagerating (and can't spell,fuck it) But it is so totally true, I spendd 99% of my time alone( which can't be good) noone calls me, noone goes out wth me, noone hangs out with me, I don't hang out with anyone. And I know a fucking million people! since my divorce about a year ago, my life has changed so much I cannot even begin to explain. The one thing I do know is that lonliness has been a constant factor in my life and no matter what I do I can't seem to break the rut that I have fallen into. I mean I really do know and hang around a shitload of people ( and I believe that I am generally liked and not avoided, What I am trying to say is that I am a pretty cool fucking person and all that) but This is only when I am out at the bars and drinking! Shouldn't friends hang out and call and talk to you when you are not out getting fucked up? Thats what I think friends would and should do. Well I dont have that, I feel like if I all of the sudden quit going to the bar, I would have almost no human interaction at all!. Don't get me wrong I dont want people to look at me as a whiner or anything like that but isolation is and can be a form of torture. I don't know , I am going through some hard times anyway with not working and money which I can handle and overcome, but this is something that has been in the back of my mind for some time. I mean it is hard enough to be without a woman, but to be without a woman and friends is really fucked up. It's like living in a black hole sometimes