penates

Falderal is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as 1: A useless ornament or accessory and 2: Nonsense. Even more interesting is the etymological root: fol-de-rol, a nonsense refrain in songs. That there exists a word for nonsense refrains in songs, and that these nonsense refrains were once common in the popular song form, is heartening. I like nonsense in songs, even if no one else does. It makes more sense to me than anything else.

Im kind of becoming obsessed with the concept of falderal lately. Specifically, how it relates to me and my life (because lets be honest, most of us are obsessed with ourselves, in varying degrees, and even a little bit of seperation from myself, via this word, is as good as humbleness as far as Im concerned.) Ive found that at the absolute low points in my life, everything seems chaotic and hard to make sense of... not so much difficult to understand, but simply too cluttered with meaningless symbols and things for me to deal with in a useful way. Its at times like these that, rather than becoming overwhelmed by these nonsensical things, I revel in them. I can focus my attention on them, and they get me through the day. I may not get anything done, but I can get out of bed, which is certainly a start at something.

Sitting on my ESI-32 sampler, which is basically a black box with a lot of buttons and a few dials, there is an empty can of Pabst Blue Ribbon Light, which itself is next to an almost empty box of Ohio Blue Tip Matches (which are supposedly strike anywhere, but this is mostly bullshit. They are MADE IN THE U.S.A, however.) The can is grey, the box is mostly white. My cell phone is there too, and its battery is almost dead. A few floppy disks (for the sampler) are scattered around, with a bit of white ash spread across their dark surfaces. Its on the sampler too, I just noticed, which makes me wonder if its gotten inside the works yet. There is also a guitar tuner, a Game Boy game (Metal Gear Solid) and a box filled with more diskettes. I probably shouldnt have all of these things on top of an expensive piece of equipment, but I do, and I expect theyre going to be there for some time.

One of the things that fascinates me about this stuff is that in, say, one hundred years, itll all be useless (if, in fact, it isnt now.) I could see the sampler becoming an antique, maybe, assuming anyone in 2104 can figure out what it was supposed to do. The electric guitar, too, will probably still be important for awhile, though the ones I have will almost certainly be rendered unusable by the time Im in my 40s or 50s.

But heres the point: these are the things I live with, and they have meaning to me. They are, in fact, the only things that will survive me when I die (with the possible exception of any children I may have.) How often does this happen? How quickly do the things we surround ourselves with become, to all intents and purposes, falderal?

Its a little disturbing, really, how much I alone define what these things mean, and how much meaning theyll lose when Im not around. But also, as I mentioned, its a bit comforting. They belong to me, and the less durable things will never be possessed by anyone but me. Im not sure why that makes me feel better, but it does.