Edgar Alan PoeTRY PARODY
(to the tune of The Raven by OriginalNick)
It happened at a weekend party, I smoked, sniffed, and injected wildly,
anything and everything that I found lying on the floor.
I wasn't sure what I was doing, but it felt good, it's all consuming,
so I continued as my friends, they shouted at me, "Stop! No more!!"
Hours quickly passed me by, my stomach hurts, the stash is dry...
but I won't give up until I experience that 'ultimate high'.
So, I walked into the kitchen, to find something worth of mixing,
in a paper I put parsley, paprika, and sage galore.
Together I rolled them tightly, lit a match and then with mighty
force, I puffed and sucked until I felt my lungs get sore.
My head twitched, my body's flailing,
my head's filled with daze and hazing--
Thrilled me, filled me, with a sudden burst of feeling never felt before.
As I sunk deep in nirvana, I prayed that I'd never wanna,
leave this place of voyage that I've never been before.
I saw colours never seen, and was places never been...
I soared higher than a kite in gusting winds, had ever dreamed.
My mind, it thrilled in new delight, wild sights and sounds the soaring flight;
then like a flash the darkness fell, and I was falling into Hell...
I flinched at every single sound and twitched as I fell to the ground.
My head was spinning, eyes were red, my blood it ran like solid lead.
I fought to hand on to the sane, but I was in such awful pain.
I shook and quivered, yelled and screamed, these freakish feelings were too surreal.
"Help me, please." I cried out loud.
"Someone save me... SAVE ME NOW!!!"
But no one heard my desperate pleas, fed up, they left, and it's just me.
All alone I tried to cope.
From a pack I lit a smoke.
I sucked it once and then once more, looked up and pleaded to the Lord.
"I am sorry, I did sin... Sunday service, count me in.
You have to save me, you must, YOU SHOULD! And if you do, I swear I'll be good..."
My body's resting on the bed.
My pain is gone. My visions end.
The bargain worked, I will be fine...
I had it wrong though...
I flat-lined..... .........
(to the tune of The Raven by OriginalNick)
It happened at a weekend party, I smoked, sniffed, and injected wildly,
anything and everything that I found lying on the floor.
I wasn't sure what I was doing, but it felt good, it's all consuming,
so I continued as my friends, they shouted at me, "Stop! No more!!"
Hours quickly passed me by, my stomach hurts, the stash is dry...
but I won't give up until I experience that 'ultimate high'.
So, I walked into the kitchen, to find something worth of mixing,
in a paper I put parsley, paprika, and sage galore.
Together I rolled them tightly, lit a match and then with mighty
force, I puffed and sucked until I felt my lungs get sore.
My head twitched, my body's flailing,
my head's filled with daze and hazing--
Thrilled me, filled me, with a sudden burst of feeling never felt before.
As I sunk deep in nirvana, I prayed that I'd never wanna,
leave this place of voyage that I've never been before.
I saw colours never seen, and was places never been...
I soared higher than a kite in gusting winds, had ever dreamed.
My mind, it thrilled in new delight, wild sights and sounds the soaring flight;
then like a flash the darkness fell, and I was falling into Hell...
I flinched at every single sound and twitched as I fell to the ground.
My head was spinning, eyes were red, my blood it ran like solid lead.
I fought to hand on to the sane, but I was in such awful pain.
I shook and quivered, yelled and screamed, these freakish feelings were too surreal.
"Help me, please." I cried out loud.
"Someone save me... SAVE ME NOW!!!"
But no one heard my desperate pleas, fed up, they left, and it's just me.
All alone I tried to cope.
From a pack I lit a smoke.
I sucked it once and then once more, looked up and pleaded to the Lord.
"I am sorry, I did sin... Sunday service, count me in.
You have to save me, you must, YOU SHOULD! And if you do, I swear I'll be good..."
My body's resting on the bed.
My pain is gone. My visions end.
The bargain worked, I will be fine...
I had it wrong though...
I flat-lined..... .........
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
you made me laugh so hard other people came up and tried to look at was on my screen!!
"You know," I say to the PFY as I pore over some building plans. "I
don't think the beancounters are as big a set of idiots as we've given
them credit for."
"How's that then?" the PFY asks.
"This building they've bought - I've done some admittedly rough sums
based around the floor space and previous sales in the area, and I think
we may have got a real bargain!"
"Really?" the PFY says dubiously. "But what does it have to recommend
it?"
"There are seven pubs and two Indian joints within a one block radius, a
tube station a couple of blocks away and a women's fitness centre across
the road."
"Oh," the PFY says. "What about the building?"
"It's an old government department building - from the days when they
were all self-contained."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning this place had a vehicle workshop, a huge store, cafeteria,
plant rooms, the works!"
"So where's the server room going?"
"There's two options - the one that the architects have selected,
taking into account the needs of insulation, access to services and
security..."
"And?"
"And the place were going to go - immediately above the vehicle
service bays - taking into account the proximity to pubs/curry houses
and that Mission Control would then overlook the fitness place."
"But why above the service bays?"
"We could install all our plants in the service bays as opposed to the
computer suite and just duct everything up."
"Doesn't seem to be much of a gain to me..."
"We could section off another part of the bays and use it for tape
safes."
"Yes, but it d-"
"We could cut off another chunk and keep all our spares in it."
"Still..."
"WE COULD CUT A HOLE IN THE FLOOR OF MISSION CONTROL, INSTALL A POLE,
KEEP A CAR IN THE SERVICE BAYS AND CALL IT THE BATMOBILE!"
"Now you're talking!" the PFY says enthusiastically. "But wed need
to have electric doors with fake windows painted on them. Or trees!
Yes, a real batcave! But won't we have a bit of trouble changing the
architect's minds?"
"Nah, we just use some airy-fairy palaver about that location being
ideal for input into building heating, carbon neutral, etc. They eat
that sort of thing up."
You lost me.
Well, with the push for being carbon neutral we just say that well
use the heat from the computer room to heat the building.
And in summer?
We use it to heat the pool.
What pool?
The one in the womens fitness centre. Obviously therell need to
be the odd bit of maintenance work...
. . .
You cant go there, the Director says.
Are you sure? the PFY asks, waving the insulation tester
around.
Its not me! he snivels. Security want it for their main
office, stores want it for the main store and the accountants want it
for storing our paper records.
. . . One large building fire later . . .
Someones going to have to pay for this, the head beancounter
sniffs as the fire brigade hose a stack of ashen paper out of one of the
basement storerooms.
And so they should! the PFY says. Who was it said we should
only do the mandatory servicing on our fire and intrusion alarms?
. . .
So its just you, security and stores then? the director asks
later in the day. And I take it there will be no more suspicious
fires?
You have to be joking no, this has to be settled amicably between
colleagues. The PFY will see how theyd like to do it.
. . .
So its a game of darts then? the PFY says to the stores and
security managers.
Uh-huh, they respond in unison. Cider darts!
. . .
Youre really going to play darts for your rooms? the Boss asks.
Cider darts, the PFY corrects.
Whats that then?
---To be continued