This journal is just going to be me rambling on about what is going on in my head. If you really don't want to read this, then don't. Not many people really care anyway.
My head is just going round and round about what my duty should be. I have this great guy that would do anything for me and who I trust completely. He is too good for me and I keep thinking about him but also about this other guy. This other guy I have known for a while and he is completely wonderful and has everything that this other guy doesn't.
Then Monday I visited my brother and he tells me that my grandpa is going to run out of money soon. This will mean that he won't be able to pay this lady to come and help look after him. Now this grandpa is a man that turned his back on me when I was 18 for changing my last name so that it wouldn't be his anymore. (Long story with that) Well my grandmother and him apologized for that about a year and a half ago, then she died a few months later. I didn't think it would hurt as much as it did, when they really weren't in my life much. I don't want to do what they did and turn my back on him, but he does have other family. I just think that if I don't help out, I will forever have this guilt of not helping. His son, who is my birth father is already planning on selling his house. So my assumption is, he doesn't really get it.
If I help this man, then he has to be my life. I know not many people would think that that needs to happen but if I would do this, it isn't going to be half ass. If you commite to something you do it, with 100%. I just don't think another relationship would be possible. I just don't know if I can.
And trying to figure this out is making me sick. Alright well anyway.......
I will be gone for the next 4 days. Everyone have a fabulous weekend.
Love to all
My head is just going round and round about what my duty should be. I have this great guy that would do anything for me and who I trust completely. He is too good for me and I keep thinking about him but also about this other guy. This other guy I have known for a while and he is completely wonderful and has everything that this other guy doesn't.
Then Monday I visited my brother and he tells me that my grandpa is going to run out of money soon. This will mean that he won't be able to pay this lady to come and help look after him. Now this grandpa is a man that turned his back on me when I was 18 for changing my last name so that it wouldn't be his anymore. (Long story with that) Well my grandmother and him apologized for that about a year and a half ago, then she died a few months later. I didn't think it would hurt as much as it did, when they really weren't in my life much. I don't want to do what they did and turn my back on him, but he does have other family. I just think that if I don't help out, I will forever have this guilt of not helping. His son, who is my birth father is already planning on selling his house. So my assumption is, he doesn't really get it.
If I help this man, then he has to be my life. I know not many people would think that that needs to happen but if I would do this, it isn't going to be half ass. If you commite to something you do it, with 100%. I just don't think another relationship would be possible. I just don't know if I can.
And trying to figure this out is making me sick. Alright well anyway.......
I will be gone for the next 4 days. Everyone have a fabulous weekend.
Love to all
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
same thing with your grandfather. I mean..I dont remember my grandpa or my g'grandpa..and I wish I did. but sounds like your situation is different. you said they appologized for what they did..not that it makes it any less painful but..why dont you think you could have him in your life again.
I guess my way of thinking is...he's old. he'll probably die soon..and why beat yourself up for years to come saying "i should've helped him" when you can do it now and who knows, maybe have a couple nicer memories of him once he's gone.
on the other hand..maybe you should just sit tight and see who else steps up. you cant do everything ya know..and you just got into a new place,ect...it wouldnt be horrible of you to say you just cant do anything right now.
have a good weekend!
oh and I dont think I can get the 12th off work.
I think guilt and anger tend to go hand in hand, and if you are doing something out of guilt you may find yourself alternating between the two states. I see this in people a lot (and have experienced it myself).
It is much better if you can do something from a genuine position of LOVE. (In a perfect world this would be possible).
In my experience, the more I do to take care of my father, the less appreciative (and more abusive) he becomes. Nothing personal, just doctors giving out huge dosages of steroids and not doing any followup (arrrg!!!).
They say ethics is the most challenging branch of philosophy. That is, of course, assuming that is exists at all.