I had a lot of up and downs and there were things I still can't make much sense of. I learned things, met new people, felt my lowest and my highest this year.
My year started out as what I thought was amazing. Except I lost one job I had had for almost a year because I refused to drive during the two biggest storms we had in February. I lost my other job over a silly racist comment that was out of play. And then the truck I had, my very first vehicle, died.
Turned even more south a month later, in March when my boyfriend of about six months, whom I loved dearly and fought for for months and thought our relationship was almost picture perfect, dumped me out of the blue for his ex. I still don't understand what went wrong but it sent me into a depression I didn't think i'd get out of. I had never felt so low or so not myself. I was alone. My roommate of a year moved out this same month and I had to pay rent with no jobs and it was a really low and hard time for me. I had never experienced something like that before. I had never not known why someone was leaving me.
My best friend came up from Texas in March the same time I was dumped and practically saved my life. When the BF dumped me I didn't eat well, spiraled into a deep depression and didn't have anyone. She keeps me strong and always have. Her son and my fur baby are the reason i never did anything drastic although i had totally thought about for sometime. She has always been my savior and i will never be able to show her how much i appreciate her. She's my rock. I love her like my sister.
Well i got a new job, spent the summer(four months I was single) practically fucking any man that gave me attention. I liked some, got hurt by a couple times, discovered things and learned things and importantly gained some good friends, lastly got a new car. Spent a lot of time working and reading books. Hanging out with my new roommate, whom became my best friend for a short period of time. I was happy again, naturally happy. I discovered yoga and a freedom I had only discovered briefly the year before. I experienced death in a close friend. Felt used and used people for things. I watched a lot of TV shows. Spent time discovering what my center was, which i'm still expanding my knowledge and love for the inter peace.
My year then took a complete 180 when my then ex and now current boyfriend again, saw each other four months after we broke up, July, and he dumped the girl he left me for to have me back (we're four months strong now and it's better than ever)(sometimes I make stupid and life changing wonderful choices.)(I think with my heart and vagina). He's since then become more of an independent man then he was, hes moved in with me and we're starting a life together. He's so fucking supportive of me I can't even express it. It's taken sometime for him to come around to what I want to do being a Hopeful but it's something I want and he accepts it in small doses.
Something in me definitely changed this summer and i became a whole new person. I feel better about myself even though im in no perfect shape. But I understand and accept myself and my lack of motivation. I no longer feel ashamed or shy about things that have happened to me. I feel informed and want to make people who go through tough times know its okay to, there IS a light at the end of every dark dark tunnel. There is someone out there who cares, Whether is your mother, your cat, an old friend, or a complete helping stranger. You are not alone no matter how dark the times are. Someone out there LOVES you.