Goodmorning SG!
Sigh- Tuesday, another day closer to the weekend
.
Work will be busy today and dead the rest of the week.
I had my nieces over for labor day weekend and took them shopping on Sunday. Got all three of them new outfits and sunbathed on my sundeck and had a picnick.
Although i kept sending them to timeout for being brats i kept myself busy. I think that's what i need. A kid to look after.
I would always complain about wanting to be alone but, i think too much when i am. Then i get bored and feel useless. Idk.
Today feels like "Blah" . Back to the same routine. Nothing new or looking forward to anything interesting.
My sister keeps being difficult and Pookey isn't helping much with his comments or actions towards me.
He's actually acting as though he suspects me of cheating. He keeps going through my phone, asks who called, where i went and so on and so fourth. It's throwing me off. It's like, if he's so afraid of me leaving him for someone else, why doesn't he try to improve? Why doesn't he try to "win" me over again? Like he tried when we first got together.
He's not a very creative person, which limits him to surprising me. Which in a way disapoints me because the day he proposes, it won't be very special. We've talked about it so i see it comming, IF all works out fine. So if he were to just get on his knees and pop the question i would probably just nod and say "finally". Kinda bums me out.
I love this guy to death but sometimes i ask myself, what's holding us together? We don't have a kid, we hardly spend time together, we hardly sit down for long periods of time and talk about each other, there's very little passion, no surprises, it feels as though we're more freinds than anything. Friends with benefits lol.
I was listening to Shakira's new song "She wolf" and i felt like i could relate to it. I was listening to the spanish version, she makes a good point when she says instead of staying home and watching TV and listening to excuses and arguements she's just going to go out and come home in the arms of a gentleman.
sigh- no comment.
I feel like i need thrill, success, excitement, surprises (GOOD surprises lol), accomplishments, etc.
Everything feels so dull. Like this is it? No, it can't be, there's got to be more.
I look at my friends and most of them are in tougher situations, either they still live with their parents and have kids or have their own place, not where they would want to be but at least they have their own place and their kids. I don't have kids, have a real great place, have a nice car and have more freedom than they do. I'm grateful for what i have but it's not enough.
I want to become more involved in art. I want to continue my creativity but i want to change it all the time. I want to be in charge of my time. I want to travel. I want to throw fashion shows. I want to design things. I want to decorate my house the way I would want to. I want the ability to speak different languages. I don't want to have to drive to Tustin anymore. I don't want to have to wake up everyday at a certain time, do the same routine and look foward to the weekend. I want to be my own boss and THE boss
.
Am i asking for too much? Am i not surrounded by the right people? Am i looking at the wrong direction? Am i doing something wrong?
3 years from now i want to look back and realize how much i have accomplished and be proud of it.
I want to own a house already. A nice big house where i can take my sister and her kids and my parents and live good. Stress free, as though they are on vacation everyday.
I don't have time for school. But i have so many ideas, so much creativity and i don't know how to use it without going to school. It's so ready to burst.
Just before i can reach point C, i'm back at point A.
I don't know if i lack support or motivation. My situation depresses me sometimes becasue it's not where i want to be.
i don't want to answer phones all the time. I don't want to be in a possition in which i feel like my job is threatend. I want to go to work carefree and wake up and choose if to or not go to work. To come up with new ideas get all choked up about it and sketch it out.
Sigh- dreams. Lol they can really get the best of you lol.
Sigh- Tuesday, another day closer to the weekend
.
Work will be busy today and dead the rest of the week.
I had my nieces over for labor day weekend and took them shopping on Sunday. Got all three of them new outfits and sunbathed on my sundeck and had a picnick.
Although i kept sending them to timeout for being brats i kept myself busy. I think that's what i need. A kid to look after.
I would always complain about wanting to be alone but, i think too much when i am. Then i get bored and feel useless. Idk.
Today feels like "Blah" . Back to the same routine. Nothing new or looking forward to anything interesting.
My sister keeps being difficult and Pookey isn't helping much with his comments or actions towards me.
He's actually acting as though he suspects me of cheating. He keeps going through my phone, asks who called, where i went and so on and so fourth. It's throwing me off. It's like, if he's so afraid of me leaving him for someone else, why doesn't he try to improve? Why doesn't he try to "win" me over again? Like he tried when we first got together.
He's not a very creative person, which limits him to surprising me. Which in a way disapoints me because the day he proposes, it won't be very special. We've talked about it so i see it comming, IF all works out fine. So if he were to just get on his knees and pop the question i would probably just nod and say "finally". Kinda bums me out.
I love this guy to death but sometimes i ask myself, what's holding us together? We don't have a kid, we hardly spend time together, we hardly sit down for long periods of time and talk about each other, there's very little passion, no surprises, it feels as though we're more freinds than anything. Friends with benefits lol.
I was listening to Shakira's new song "She wolf" and i felt like i could relate to it. I was listening to the spanish version, she makes a good point when she says instead of staying home and watching TV and listening to excuses and arguements she's just going to go out and come home in the arms of a gentleman.
sigh- no comment.
I feel like i need thrill, success, excitement, surprises (GOOD surprises lol), accomplishments, etc.
Everything feels so dull. Like this is it? No, it can't be, there's got to be more.
I look at my friends and most of them are in tougher situations, either they still live with their parents and have kids or have their own place, not where they would want to be but at least they have their own place and their kids. I don't have kids, have a real great place, have a nice car and have more freedom than they do. I'm grateful for what i have but it's not enough.
I want to become more involved in art. I want to continue my creativity but i want to change it all the time. I want to be in charge of my time. I want to travel. I want to throw fashion shows. I want to design things. I want to decorate my house the way I would want to. I want the ability to speak different languages. I don't want to have to drive to Tustin anymore. I don't want to have to wake up everyday at a certain time, do the same routine and look foward to the weekend. I want to be my own boss and THE boss
.
Am i asking for too much? Am i not surrounded by the right people? Am i looking at the wrong direction? Am i doing something wrong?
3 years from now i want to look back and realize how much i have accomplished and be proud of it.
I want to own a house already. A nice big house where i can take my sister and her kids and my parents and live good. Stress free, as though they are on vacation everyday.
I don't have time for school. But i have so many ideas, so much creativity and i don't know how to use it without going to school. It's so ready to burst.
Just before i can reach point C, i'm back at point A.
I don't know if i lack support or motivation. My situation depresses me sometimes becasue it's not where i want to be.
i don't want to answer phones all the time. I don't want to be in a possition in which i feel like my job is threatend. I want to go to work carefree and wake up and choose if to or not go to work. To come up with new ideas get all choked up about it and sketch it out.
Sigh- dreams. Lol they can really get the best of you lol.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
and you don't haveta go "back to school" to learn to develop some of your creative skills - check out local art schools or the community college or even the regular collage or maybe even craigslist, there's bound to be some short class-sorta-thing you could do to learn something to get you started.
Or even apprentice to some artisan somewhere
*hugs*
I think if you really want to be with some one then you should trust them, what is the point of being with some one who you dont trust.
Well it sucks that there isnt much passion, I hope that will change for you two some day soon.
I want all of the same things, I went to school for art and that is what I want to do, but I have had this big debt over my head for the last 4 years, so I had to get a job that pays well but one that I hate, that debt will be paid off in two months, at that time I will be quitting my job and starting my own business and will have lots of time for art and learning new languages.
You are not asking for two much, its not like your asking to live in a 1,000,0000 house, you just want to do the things that you love and have some excitement, that stuff is simple and amazing, they are things that you can do, you just have to make yourself do it and I know you can, just dont give up.
I love quotes and feel like they can say thing better then I can some times, so here you go.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do... Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. --Mark Twain
"You never see the most significant things that are happening in your life while they are happening"
-Field of Dreams-
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours."
-Ayn Rand-
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
"Well-behaved women seldom make history." ~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich