peaches

So Monday is the big day, my birthday. Turning 24 and i'm not looking forward to it. I don't want a party, i don't want surprises i really don't want anyone to make a big deal. I know people are going to get me stuff and i already made a wishlist so they can have an idea of what it is that i'd like but i don't want them to make this a big deal.

I know my mom is going to buy me a cake and i don't want her to but i won't say anything because that's her way of showing how much she cares and i won't take that away from her. But that day i wish i can just be away from everyone. If i can just sleep and wake up alone with no one around. Just carry a normal day like any other day. I work everyday so it's not like i'm going to give myself an excuse to party. Birthday wishes won't bother me but i just dnt want anyone to sing and take pictures and whatnot.

I'm just really focusing on what really matters to me the most right now, the trip to TJ. I will work late hours if i have to but i want to keep making money tattooing so i can have enough to take and cover all expenses. That's the only thing on my mind.

I've been pretty bummed the past couple of days. It feels as though i lost interest in pursuing happiness. I'm just so disappointed in how things are going and am afraid of how they will end up. I pretty much stopped trying and carring. If something good comes along the way then great if not then i'll just shrug. I have one main goal right now, and i need to stay focused and complete what has been pending for years which is to get my family back together.

My daddy and i were talking on Skype a couple days ago and we discussed if the US court and immigration deny his return or a reapeal to his case, we'll just move to Canada or Switzerland. I wanted to go to Paris but my dad said that Switzerland is more economically stable than Paris so i'll take his word for it. I would like to go for a weekend and check it out and observe the place. See if i can find a job or if it can be possible to open a tattoo shop over there and if it will be successful or not. I also need to become familiar with the laws and all that.

I guess i feel alone doing all this. But it's something i need to do and i don't care if i do it alone. The last couple of days i've been seeing the world from out of the box. And i was amazed to realize how naive or oblivious i was to everything around me. After stepping out of the box and observing everything, i noticed what they really were. Who people really are and what they are really saying. What things really do and why. How things happen but we're too distracted to see them. I was living in a world that wasn't what i thought it was. But regardless of my dreams, i need to work towards what matters most and what has mattered for years. Nothing will distract me and i will work longer and harder to get there no matter what.