paynexrains

I had a phone conversation with a friend today. She said that she is tired of all the 'drama' between some of our other friends. I agreed. I'm a no-drama person. I don't believe in holding a grudge against someone or hurting someone out of revenge. I really think that if my friends sat and thought about how good they have it compared to so many people over-seas (or even in our own back-yard), they might begin to see themselves in a different light. It's that wonderful, 'he-said' 'she-said' that I can't tolerate past the first sentence. You'll wake up tomorrow, bloody and bruised, shivering in a gutter wondering where all your friends went if you act like that. It comes with experience, I guess. Life, love, and everything inbetween. I just wish I could show some of my friends the movie of my past so they can understand better. I'm still young, 19, and I have a lot to learn before I die. Maybe only a little; I never know when the day will come when it will all become nothingness. Until then, I write my music, play my songs, give love where love is due, and hope no one has spiteful feelings toward me. I really hope to take on photography... It's always been my dream. I am who I am, take me or leave me to die alone, I'll still be smiling...

I'm still looking for a new place. It's difficult when you're just starting out. I mean, I have a great job and wonderful friends, but I'm about to be homeless in a week. Guess I better buy a van and install a bed. Heh, I kid. I'm sure I'll find somewhere to crash for a bit until things get better. It's not the first time I've been in this situation... It is odd, though, now - since I have a good job... to be without. Though I'm the same person when I have nothing, or when I have it all. I guess there's something in my mind that's different than a lot of other 'wreckless teenagers'. Maybe this maturity was born from the way I was brought up by my parents, but I'm not too sure of that. I moved out when I was 15.

Seems like I'm moving out every day.

=payne=