pavlovsdog

So I was reading Wikipedia entries about Anarcho-primitivists and Neo-luddites and I thought to myself; "Who edits these entries?"

I, myself, don't think technology is that bad a thing, but there are times in which I wonder if having all these gadgets and information at our fingertips 24/7 really makes life easier. Let me tell you about two miracles of the modern world that I've recently experienced.

Everyone has stories about people re-connecting on MySpace. You know that old friend you've lost contact with, that old flame you thought you'd forgotten, maybe your cousin in California you don't even really know. Well I'd always look upon these "miracles" with an air of cynicism. It just seemed so clich to me, miraculously re-connecting with that long lost someone. I didn't believe in it. That is until it finally happened. The other day I got a MySpace message from my very first serious girlfriend. It was like getting a message form the dead. This is a girl I hadn't seen or talked to in over fourteen years. Let me put it into perspective a bit: Tom Hanks was only on that island for four years, Odysseus was lost at sea for ten years. It's been fourteen years since I've been in contact with this girl. Now I know how Penelope felt. In reality I knew she probably was not dead, or at least I hoped she wasn't, but I had no idea where she was or if I'd ever talk to her again. So in actuality it was almost as if she was indeed lost at sea. Then last week there she was in my inbox. It was hard to believe. I first thought it was just some dumb person trying to get me to look at his/her webcam or something, but I hesitantly clicked on it only to find it was indeed my lost at sea first love. What I found inside was fourteen years of rough seas, stormy weather, adventures, and calamity. It made me cry to think about how little I knew this person anymore. Somehow lost friends live in your memories frozen in time. You think that's how they'll always stay, but as much as we hate to believe it, people change. This was not the wide eyed innocent teenager I knew so long ago. This was a woman to which apparently life had not been to kind to. In subsequent messages she told me about a horrible car crash she had been in where she did in fact almost die, of dropping out of high school, of being rejected by her mom after going to live with her, of failed marriages, and depression. It was very disheartening stuff. However she also talked about great things that had happened to her; living and surfing in the Virgin Islands, graduating from art school, and the birth of her two daughters. The whole thing really threw me for a loop. She had changed so much. In comparison I feel I've changes so little. She left me her number and told me to call sometime. I know will eventually, but I have to build up my courage. It's like talking to a ghost.

If that wasn't enough, here is the second thing that made me really think about swearing off technology. Another first, being broke up with over text message. Technology has made it too easy to brush somebody off. Now I don't talk much about my relationships on here, because I find it really boring when all a person does is talk about his/her significant other. Also, and it's really sad, but I don't know if I can ever love anyone enough to constantly gush over them in my journals. Maybe that's why my natural stasis seems to be singleness. Anyway I've been seeing this girl for a few months now. I liked hanging out with her, but I think we both knew it wasn't really going to lead to anything else. So last Friday I was supposed to go see her friend's band, which I don't really like, play at a club here in Asheville. I told her that I was going to go see a movie first but that I'd try to get there after it ended. She said that if I didn't really want to go to the show, I didn't have to. After the movie was over I called her to see what was happening. She didn't answer. I was tired and had to drive to Memphis the next day, so I messaged her saying that I was sorry, but I was going home. About an hour later she sent me a text message saying, "I think we should not see each other for a while." While this was not earth shattering, it just seems a little depressing that she couldn't have an actual conversation about it.

So while it's really amazing how all this technology can enable us to re-connect with our ghosts from the past, its sad when it doesn't actually allow us to really communicate with each other.