Pennsylvania is the darkest state known to FUCKING man! If you're from PA, please move because I'm about to call in a military favor* and have it blown off the map. Good god.
So, in case you don't know, I'm originally from Detroit.** Well this year, our lovely friends at the airlines not only wanted to charge me $450 for a flight to Detroit, but they also wanted to lay me over (haha) in South Carolina and then Florida for that price. A direct flight to Detroit is 1.5 hours. With all those layovers, it would have been an 8.5 hour trip. During that 8.5 hours, I would have been lugging carry-on luggage and paying to check the bags I couldn't carry on. What a crock right? Charging for checked luggage? but that's another blog. This is about me vs Pennsylvania.
So, in my infinite wisdom, I say, "Why would I pay $450 for my ticket, $100 for my checked luggage (both ways), and $80 for a cab to the airport and then back? I know, I'll just rent a car and drive to Detroit!"
Sidenote: I have done this drive several times and it's normally fine.
Thus, I rent a car and drive to Michigan. Lo and behold, the weekend I leave for Michigan the east coast gets covered in several fucking feet of snow. yay. So I leave for Michigan as DC and South Jersey call in the National Guard for help. Smart. Luckily, most of my drive is on I-80 and that was pretty free and clear of snow. Pretty clear. Not perfect but ok. Thus I make it to Michigan without a hitch.
"But Patriot, what about the return? What about your battle royale with Pennsylvania?" Shut up, I'm getting there.
So, I spend a Christmas week in Detroit with the family and have a very lovely and relaxing snow-free trip. Yay. And guess what? The day I leave to drive back to Detroit, the midwest gets pounded with the largest storm known to man. Upon leaving Detroit, there was about 3" of snow on the ground and plenty of the freshest stuff falling fast. I make it out of Michigan and Ohio almost without a problem. The salt trucks and plows were working hard. Thanks guys. And then came the 330 miles of PA that had to be driven. As soon as I hit the PA border, the snow began to fall harder, the sun disappeared somewhere around California and the salt trucks disappeared. So here I am, in a rented Toyota Camry*** driving through the damn Poconos with about 4" of snow on the Highway. ON THE HIGHWAY! I can't even see the lines for all the snow. I can barely see in front of me because of the falling snow. And guess what our lovely friends in PA don't believe in??? LIGHTS! FUCKING LIGHTS! it's almost 2010 Pennsylvania! Maybe it's time to start adding electricity and lights to your highway systems! So now I can't see the highway lines, can barely see in front of me and PA decides to let me navigate the windy path through the damn mountains without so much as a light or reflector anywhere. If it weren't for my TomTom, I'm pretty sure I would have driven off a damn cliff. And the worse part is, usually you can use oncoming traffic as an indicator as to where the road is, right? Oh no, not in PA. They have the oncoming traffic on the other side of the mountains. That way you get all the navigation fun you can handle. What should have taken me about 5 hours to drive through, took almost 9. Having to drive 30mph in the desolate darkness of a winter storm in Pennsylvania, made my 10 hour drive from Detroit to NYC a 14 hour ordeal, complete with stress and nerves. Woot!
So, long story short, Pennsylvania? We're fighting. I'ma cut you.
Moral of the story? Avoid Pennsylvania at all costs. Try Canada, they have lights.
*They owe me for saving their asses in Da Nang.
**Detroit what?!
***Boo Japanese cars. Shut up, I'm from Detroit.
So, in case you don't know, I'm originally from Detroit.** Well this year, our lovely friends at the airlines not only wanted to charge me $450 for a flight to Detroit, but they also wanted to lay me over (haha) in South Carolina and then Florida for that price. A direct flight to Detroit is 1.5 hours. With all those layovers, it would have been an 8.5 hour trip. During that 8.5 hours, I would have been lugging carry-on luggage and paying to check the bags I couldn't carry on. What a crock right? Charging for checked luggage? but that's another blog. This is about me vs Pennsylvania.
So, in my infinite wisdom, I say, "Why would I pay $450 for my ticket, $100 for my checked luggage (both ways), and $80 for a cab to the airport and then back? I know, I'll just rent a car and drive to Detroit!"
Sidenote: I have done this drive several times and it's normally fine.
Thus, I rent a car and drive to Michigan. Lo and behold, the weekend I leave for Michigan the east coast gets covered in several fucking feet of snow. yay. So I leave for Michigan as DC and South Jersey call in the National Guard for help. Smart. Luckily, most of my drive is on I-80 and that was pretty free and clear of snow. Pretty clear. Not perfect but ok. Thus I make it to Michigan without a hitch.
"But Patriot, what about the return? What about your battle royale with Pennsylvania?" Shut up, I'm getting there.
So, I spend a Christmas week in Detroit with the family and have a very lovely and relaxing snow-free trip. Yay. And guess what? The day I leave to drive back to Detroit, the midwest gets pounded with the largest storm known to man. Upon leaving Detroit, there was about 3" of snow on the ground and plenty of the freshest stuff falling fast. I make it out of Michigan and Ohio almost without a problem. The salt trucks and plows were working hard. Thanks guys. And then came the 330 miles of PA that had to be driven. As soon as I hit the PA border, the snow began to fall harder, the sun disappeared somewhere around California and the salt trucks disappeared. So here I am, in a rented Toyota Camry*** driving through the damn Poconos with about 4" of snow on the Highway. ON THE HIGHWAY! I can't even see the lines for all the snow. I can barely see in front of me because of the falling snow. And guess what our lovely friends in PA don't believe in??? LIGHTS! FUCKING LIGHTS! it's almost 2010 Pennsylvania! Maybe it's time to start adding electricity and lights to your highway systems! So now I can't see the highway lines, can barely see in front of me and PA decides to let me navigate the windy path through the damn mountains without so much as a light or reflector anywhere. If it weren't for my TomTom, I'm pretty sure I would have driven off a damn cliff. And the worse part is, usually you can use oncoming traffic as an indicator as to where the road is, right? Oh no, not in PA. They have the oncoming traffic on the other side of the mountains. That way you get all the navigation fun you can handle. What should have taken me about 5 hours to drive through, took almost 9. Having to drive 30mph in the desolate darkness of a winter storm in Pennsylvania, made my 10 hour drive from Detroit to NYC a 14 hour ordeal, complete with stress and nerves. Woot!
So, long story short, Pennsylvania? We're fighting. I'ma cut you.
Moral of the story? Avoid Pennsylvania at all costs. Try Canada, they have lights.
*They owe me for saving their asses in Da Nang.
**Detroit what?!
***Boo Japanese cars. Shut up, I'm from Detroit.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
patrlot:
Pass, i was actually supposed to stop off and visit a friend in Pittsburgh and had to cancel... Just north of you was where it was the worst!
satire_:
You know the superstition where you hold your breath while going through a tunnel? That is what i want to do whenever I go through PA... but im afraid of passing out behind the wheel. 