(This new website look is really weirding me out. I've gotten over my childhood fear of change, but any big technology-related upgrades usually throw me for a loop - it takes me a long time to get comfortable with a website which means I'll be spending the next few weeks wondering where things are on SG.)
Having said that, biggish change for me in September. That's when I'll be gettin' hitched. It was in the middle of June last year when I presented these two symbols of our relationship, made by a friend, to my unsuspecting lover. For a long time after that, I struggled with the idea of marriage. I popped the question because I knew he was someone I wanted to be old with - a friend, lover, companion, peanut-gallery who was the "ultimate complement" to my own personality and someone who I admire boundlessly. I was pretty damn sure he felt the same, obviously, or I wouldn't have been so bold. But I'm so very much against the mainstream idea of marriage - the institution and its great big constipated ideals, the fact that legal rights associated with it are limited to a portion of the population who takes them for granted, abuses them, and probably doesn't deserve any of them in the first place - that I wasn't sure it was right for us. In the end, we came to the conclusion that we'll take the benefits we can because they are available to us - I don't want to end up dying unexpectedly alone in some hospital because he isn't family and won't be let in. If we're assured of our own stability, we may be more able to fight for others (I know that sounds strange, even to me...) and overthrow the stale old state from the inside. And that's all just the legal side.
Our ceremony, like our relationship, is being built from the ground up. No vague religious bullshit, no archaic traditions whose meanings no one even remembers anymore. With our loved ones as witnesses, we will be sharing our devotions to one another, to our families and friends, and to the earth. Afterwards, we'll feast and celebrate in delirious tribal style. And after that, we'll go on loving one another just as we have until then - nothing will be different.
Having said that, biggish change for me in September. That's when I'll be gettin' hitched. It was in the middle of June last year when I presented these two symbols of our relationship, made by a friend, to my unsuspecting lover. For a long time after that, I struggled with the idea of marriage. I popped the question because I knew he was someone I wanted to be old with - a friend, lover, companion, peanut-gallery who was the "ultimate complement" to my own personality and someone who I admire boundlessly. I was pretty damn sure he felt the same, obviously, or I wouldn't have been so bold. But I'm so very much against the mainstream idea of marriage - the institution and its great big constipated ideals, the fact that legal rights associated with it are limited to a portion of the population who takes them for granted, abuses them, and probably doesn't deserve any of them in the first place - that I wasn't sure it was right for us. In the end, we came to the conclusion that we'll take the benefits we can because they are available to us - I don't want to end up dying unexpectedly alone in some hospital because he isn't family and won't be let in. If we're assured of our own stability, we may be more able to fight for others (I know that sounds strange, even to me...) and overthrow the stale old state from the inside. And that's all just the legal side.
Our ceremony, like our relationship, is being built from the ground up. No vague religious bullshit, no archaic traditions whose meanings no one even remembers anymore. With our loved ones as witnesses, we will be sharing our devotions to one another, to our families and friends, and to the earth. Afterwards, we'll feast and celebrate in delirious tribal style. And after that, we'll go on loving one another just as we have until then - nothing will be different.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
johnny:
Congratulations, and thanks for the happy news! Being in an "unofficial" ("unmarried", or common law, more precisely) relationship for 12 years, I like your take on marriage. No, I love it. It's even got me thinking about things... Not just the (very important) legal ramifications, but the personal dimension as well... "Nothing will change..." I say amen! You've really made me night a whole lot better. Thanks and congrats! I'll write more soon...
silveronthetree:
Sounds beautiful