parlay

I'm working on my problems this week, it seems. And though they are numerous, there are few that are more glaring lately than most.

I am compulsively avoidant. I will email someone for two weeks, then feel embarassed or bored and just drop them. No call or warning, and no response when they complain. I imagine that everyone thinks that I dislike them or think they aren't worth my time. Indeed, it's not that at all. It's just that if I encounter any problem - even if it is only my own slow response time - I recoil.

I listen to my voicemail about once a week - maybe. I feel this cold dread when I think about dialing voicemail and seeing what messages people might have left. Now, let me clarify. These are people who I know and care about - friends, family - and there is no chance that the messages they leave will be offensive or problematic. But for some reason I can't bring myself to listen to them. And because of this I actually create problems. My mother is quite angry and keeps sending me emails asking me if I am alive. Which I do answer, by the way.

I have the same problem with ebay. I make a new ebay account every time that I want to buy something because I bid on crap that I have no intention of winning or buying. I go crazy with bids and then realize I don't mean to honor any of them. And it's silly, because often they are things that are cheap and that I wouldn't mind having. But I can't seem to commit to even ebay auctions.