paperdoll

i'm waiting for the bar codes under our skin

why are we taught to judge ourselves according to numbers? i find that i am still proud of my sat scores and my IQ score. your test scores can do so much to your confidence. it is culturally ingrained on you that these numbers really matter. but why? what do they really mean? what applicable context do they have in my everyday life? testing high on a culturally biased standardized test is really not that exciting. it doesn't change the fact that i am an under achiever or that i struggle with my school work. the numbers say I'm smart but sometimes the struggle isn't worth it. and the numbers tell me what i can and can not do. even high numbers are limiting. society expects certain things from you depending on your scores...and the pressure to preform is unreal...

everything comes back to numbers, you are branded at birth by numbers. you are defined and judged by your numbers, height, weight, length, score on the apgar test. its all just numbers. they measure your numbers before they even give you a name. and it never ends. social security numbers, id numbers, bank account numbers, phone numbers, age, weight, height, GPA, test score after test score...these are the societal definition of your life.

i wish that i was not a number. i wish i counted for something more that a serious of digits strung together against my will. i wish i could go back and retake all the test and do badly. then nothing would be expected of me and i wouldn't be letting anyone down. i wish that decisions about my life were made on something more solid. something that takes into account who i am...on the other hand, maybe the numbers look better...