remember OK soda? i sure do. it was the ultimate generation x beverage in the middle of the 90's. my city, omaha, was chosen as one of the test sites for this delicious beverage. there was artwork from eightball's daniel clowes, and this shit didn't take itself too seriously (thank god)
here it is for you:
THE OK SODA PERSONALITY INVENTORY
1. Pets are fun.
2. I sure like bicycles.
3. Generally speaking, tables should have at least four legs.
4. When I see a gerbil on a treadmill, I'm reminded of me.
5. Gloomy -- it's just one of the ways weather can be.
6. A tingling sensation in your elbows, feet or other body parts should not be mistaken for a feeling of OKness.
7. Newspapers are black and white and red all over.
8. Cinder blocks are no subsitute for a foundation of happiness.
9. Walls should be just tall enough to support the ceiling.
10. There is a mystery element to feeling OK.
11. It's better to be nice than mean, but mean can sure come in handy.
12. A beverage shouldn't get too complicated, or tricky.
13. Close family members often misunderstand my special feeling of OKness.
14. Furnaces are good conductors of heat. Better than good -- great!
15. Let's not quibble over semantics.
16. Stories like "The Poodle in the Microwave" are probably true.
17. OKness can never be determined by testing.
18. Best to leave skunks and porcupines to themselves, i.e. other skunks and porcupines.
19. It is not uncommon for astronauts to experience a feeling of OKness while in space.
20. I like cardboard.
21. Other people sometimes envy my feeling of OKness.
22. If you think you can do something, you probably can, unless of course, you can't.
23. I'd rather be a flower than a shovel, but I'd rather be a shovel than dirt.
24. I never want to control other drivers of cars / pilots of planes / family members / the president
25. I like groups, but I'm not a joiner.
26. TV commercials have made me cry, or soon will.
27. I know I should be better at remembering my bad dreams.
28. Coat hangers -- what an invention!
29. Taken as a whole, the universe itself is pretty much OK, or certainly should be.
30. Children sometimes just blurt out the truth.
31. Plywood makes an ideal work surface.
32. Man's inhumanity to man.
33. OKness is very ordinary and special at the same time.
34. Fingers and toes are more important than elbows and knees.
35. Paranormal experiences thrill/bore me.
36. Numbers -- they're the only things you can truly count on.
37. The truth is more obvious that most people realize.
38. Bags are such good holders of things.
39. There's no real point in worrying over anything. Things will probably turn out for the best, or at least they might.
40. Truth is a friendly brown dog wagging his tail, but watch out: he might bite.
41. Buttons, snaps and zippers all have heir place.
42. Lucky is such a happy feeling.
43. I really find hidden meanings in things.
44. Having things not be OK is never a goal of mine.
45. You never really know what you're thinking.
46. When mowing the lawn in rural areas, remember to keep a sharp eye for frogs and the like.
47. A chair makes a superb sitting surface.
48. A penny saved is a penny earned, but a nickel is five cents.
49. When I shop hard, my palms sweat.
50. Umbrellas do one thing well.
51. Most sandwiches are OK, as are office supplies such as paper clips, manilla folders, etc.
52. I am often confused by other people's reactions to me, or by mine to them, or by my reactions to their reactions to me, or something like that.
53. Friends and favorite TV shows are about equally important.
54. People are often motivated by indecision.
55. Bread is about as useful as food ever gets.
56. A test is nothing to be afraid of.
57. It is better to be on the outside looking in, but watch out if it starts to hail.
58. For sheer transparency, glass is better than tar paper.
59. If you can get on a game show, do it.
60. Hardware stores are a great place to meet people -- especially people interested in hardware.
61. Shetland ponies are both little and big.
62. Erasers are more useful than pencils.
63. If you want to stay in love, don't use the other person's toothbrush/deoderant/et cetera/et cetera.
64. 1, 2, 3 and 11 are all single-digit numbers.
65. If salt tastes salty, then cantaloupes taste cantaloupy.
66. We have nothing to fear but fear itself, fear and fear-related symptoms, such as crying.
67. OKness is not something to guard against.
68. Most things have a knack for just being themselves.
69. The square root of anything doesn't really matter.
70. Comedy is funnier than science, but science is more scientific.
71. Aluminum siding is both sturdy and attractive.
72. The thing about other people's opinions is, I bruise easily.
73. I remember making things out of mud as a child or young adult.
74. Socks or shoes -- which goes on first?
75. Hopefully, things will turn out for the best.
76. Politicians are full of hot air, as are some of your larger balloons.
77. When things get me mad, boy do I get angry.
78. Fish make excellent swimmers.
79. I think I would make a good talk-show host.
80. Lying has never interested me -- much.
81. I sometimes feel that baths are too wet.
82. At zoos, I often wonder who should be kept in cages -- animals or people?
83. To prevent rolling, place your bowl firmly on a level surface.
84. Turning up the heat is a bad substitute for emotional warmth.
85. If you could ever get one, a duplex would be great.
86. If it's toll-free numbers that you want, then it's toll-free numbers that you'll get.
87. There is no real trick to feeling OK.
88. I spend too much time thinking about things like wanting to be famous.
89. Encountering a fork in the road makes me doubt myself. But then, so does a road with no fork.
90. True or false questions are often neither.
91. As they say, the principal's your pal.
92. What other people think of as reality, I think of as achuke (huh?)
93. I would feel more comfortable if planes flew on the ground.
94. Sometimes, people who feel OK don't deserve it.
95. People observe me closely because they want my feeling of OKness for themselves.
96. Moles and other burrowing animals have it rough.
97. Station wagons hold a lot.
98. I'm not one to talk behind other peoples' backs, unless I need to for personal reasons.
99. Those who have a feeling of OKness can recognize that feeling in others.
100. I prefer drinking things that are wet, as opposed to prickly or dry.
101. The irony is, unless you actually need glasses, they can make your vision worse.
102. A roller coaster is an apt metaphor for just about anything.
103. Hot, dry, boring. This is the desert.
104. Sometimes, the TV screen seems to give me secret messages.
105. Hummingbirds.
106. If you'd like to see your oral hygeinist socially, you should meet him/her at the dentist's office.
107. Rocks are generally both heavy and dull.
108. OKness is spreading throughout the population, whether they know it or not.
here it is for you:
THE OK SODA PERSONALITY INVENTORY
1. Pets are fun.
2. I sure like bicycles.
3. Generally speaking, tables should have at least four legs.
4. When I see a gerbil on a treadmill, I'm reminded of me.
5. Gloomy -- it's just one of the ways weather can be.
6. A tingling sensation in your elbows, feet or other body parts should not be mistaken for a feeling of OKness.
7. Newspapers are black and white and red all over.
8. Cinder blocks are no subsitute for a foundation of happiness.
9. Walls should be just tall enough to support the ceiling.
10. There is a mystery element to feeling OK.
11. It's better to be nice than mean, but mean can sure come in handy.
12. A beverage shouldn't get too complicated, or tricky.
13. Close family members often misunderstand my special feeling of OKness.
14. Furnaces are good conductors of heat. Better than good -- great!
15. Let's not quibble over semantics.
16. Stories like "The Poodle in the Microwave" are probably true.
17. OKness can never be determined by testing.
18. Best to leave skunks and porcupines to themselves, i.e. other skunks and porcupines.
19. It is not uncommon for astronauts to experience a feeling of OKness while in space.
20. I like cardboard.
21. Other people sometimes envy my feeling of OKness.
22. If you think you can do something, you probably can, unless of course, you can't.
23. I'd rather be a flower than a shovel, but I'd rather be a shovel than dirt.
24. I never want to control other drivers of cars / pilots of planes / family members / the president
25. I like groups, but I'm not a joiner.
26. TV commercials have made me cry, or soon will.
27. I know I should be better at remembering my bad dreams.
28. Coat hangers -- what an invention!
29. Taken as a whole, the universe itself is pretty much OK, or certainly should be.
30. Children sometimes just blurt out the truth.
31. Plywood makes an ideal work surface.
32. Man's inhumanity to man.
33. OKness is very ordinary and special at the same time.
34. Fingers and toes are more important than elbows and knees.
35. Paranormal experiences thrill/bore me.
36. Numbers -- they're the only things you can truly count on.
37. The truth is more obvious that most people realize.
38. Bags are such good holders of things.
39. There's no real point in worrying over anything. Things will probably turn out for the best, or at least they might.
40. Truth is a friendly brown dog wagging his tail, but watch out: he might bite.
41. Buttons, snaps and zippers all have heir place.
42. Lucky is such a happy feeling.
43. I really find hidden meanings in things.
44. Having things not be OK is never a goal of mine.
45. You never really know what you're thinking.
46. When mowing the lawn in rural areas, remember to keep a sharp eye for frogs and the like.
47. A chair makes a superb sitting surface.
48. A penny saved is a penny earned, but a nickel is five cents.
49. When I shop hard, my palms sweat.
50. Umbrellas do one thing well.
51. Most sandwiches are OK, as are office supplies such as paper clips, manilla folders, etc.
52. I am often confused by other people's reactions to me, or by mine to them, or by my reactions to their reactions to me, or something like that.
53. Friends and favorite TV shows are about equally important.
54. People are often motivated by indecision.
55. Bread is about as useful as food ever gets.
56. A test is nothing to be afraid of.
57. It is better to be on the outside looking in, but watch out if it starts to hail.
58. For sheer transparency, glass is better than tar paper.
59. If you can get on a game show, do it.
60. Hardware stores are a great place to meet people -- especially people interested in hardware.
61. Shetland ponies are both little and big.
62. Erasers are more useful than pencils.
63. If you want to stay in love, don't use the other person's toothbrush/deoderant/et cetera/et cetera.
64. 1, 2, 3 and 11 are all single-digit numbers.
65. If salt tastes salty, then cantaloupes taste cantaloupy.
66. We have nothing to fear but fear itself, fear and fear-related symptoms, such as crying.
67. OKness is not something to guard against.
68. Most things have a knack for just being themselves.
69. The square root of anything doesn't really matter.
70. Comedy is funnier than science, but science is more scientific.
71. Aluminum siding is both sturdy and attractive.
72. The thing about other people's opinions is, I bruise easily.
73. I remember making things out of mud as a child or young adult.
74. Socks or shoes -- which goes on first?
75. Hopefully, things will turn out for the best.
76. Politicians are full of hot air, as are some of your larger balloons.
77. When things get me mad, boy do I get angry.
78. Fish make excellent swimmers.
79. I think I would make a good talk-show host.
80. Lying has never interested me -- much.
81. I sometimes feel that baths are too wet.
82. At zoos, I often wonder who should be kept in cages -- animals or people?
83. To prevent rolling, place your bowl firmly on a level surface.
84. Turning up the heat is a bad substitute for emotional warmth.
85. If you could ever get one, a duplex would be great.
86. If it's toll-free numbers that you want, then it's toll-free numbers that you'll get.
87. There is no real trick to feeling OK.
88. I spend too much time thinking about things like wanting to be famous.
89. Encountering a fork in the road makes me doubt myself. But then, so does a road with no fork.
90. True or false questions are often neither.
91. As they say, the principal's your pal.
92. What other people think of as reality, I think of as achuke (huh?)
93. I would feel more comfortable if planes flew on the ground.
94. Sometimes, people who feel OK don't deserve it.
95. People observe me closely because they want my feeling of OKness for themselves.
96. Moles and other burrowing animals have it rough.
97. Station wagons hold a lot.
98. I'm not one to talk behind other peoples' backs, unless I need to for personal reasons.
99. Those who have a feeling of OKness can recognize that feeling in others.
100. I prefer drinking things that are wet, as opposed to prickly or dry.
101. The irony is, unless you actually need glasses, they can make your vision worse.
102. A roller coaster is an apt metaphor for just about anything.
103. Hot, dry, boring. This is the desert.
104. Sometimes, the TV screen seems to give me secret messages.
105. Hummingbirds.
106. If you'd like to see your oral hygeinist socially, you should meet him/her at the dentist's office.
107. Rocks are generally both heavy and dull.
108. OKness is spreading throughout the population, whether they know it or not.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
wardy:
Thanks for the comedic relief!!! most excellent
squire:
109. Reading this thing all the way through disappointed me.
