Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats Tip

panda

Canada

SG Since 2004

Followers 718 Following 154

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • SG
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Wednesday May 18, 2005

May 18, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
well I'm finally back home in Canada.
I say finally, but it hardly feels like I was gone

ever been having the best dream ever...then wake up to a rainy day?

tonight I'm in the weirdest of moods, I've been so unmotivated to update my page here or to respond to anything here online...yet I stay up till 3am in front of my computer getting high...writing emails then not sending them, checking my favorite pages, starting paintings and then leaving them untouched.

I suppose this recent moodswing is the result of comming down from a metaphorical high of probably one of the best weekends of my life. Somehow I knew this was comming.

but nonetheless an update must be made! haha smile

Prom was so much fun! although I probably had more fun in the relaxed setting of the pub Thee Park the night before...seeing all the SG folk in their "norm" being able to talk to everyone more and just chill. Prom I was kinda all over the place and got antsy really fast...bouncing from the bar to the band to the outside to smoke. I felt pulled in all directions that night...it was great at times and seeing everyone dolled up was fantastic. still think that Manda, Tegan, and Alabama were the hottest ones there...paaaaah!

oh and Dusty....omigawwwwwd!

a special shout-out must go out to Frenchy and Fotopimp for being my volunteered guides this past weekend. without you two I dunno how I'd have found my way anywhere! you guys rawk! and I missed you both the minute I hopped on the shuttle to the airport. I owe you both bigtime for showing me the sites and escorting me to the events. If you guys ever come to Ottawa your ass is grass!...umm..in a good way.

another shout-out must go to all the awesome travellers I met at the Green Tortoise hostel! You all made me realize that I had dropped so much of my free-spirited youth so long ago. its funny I was only there for five days and I felt like i was leaving good friends behind...I cant imagine the pain that must follow leaving there after months of stay.

That producer I mentioned and his partner in crime (haha) fell through on an evening out with me but totally made it up to me on my last evening in town with a private DJ set at his partners house. umm... business partner, not...uh..well you know! They tour together as a duo but one of them isnt allowed into Canada for the moment thats why I only met one of them in Toronto. Anyway the producer I knew before my trip had to go home early but me and the other attention deficit partied till morning and he burned a CD of some tunes we picked out together. Its now my favorite CD. I should burn a backup copy of it for myself cuz if that ever scratches its frickin irreplacable! Anyway I told him to get his shit together so I could see them both in Canada someday soon. Fearing it wont come soon enough tho frown

in the half-hour before I left the hostel I had a little panick attack before the airport shuttle came...I was hoping to save it for a less embarassing location but my eyes just welled up and the tears came...yeah call me over sensative or what have you. fuck it. but I guess it just sunk in...BOOM...that I was leaving, going home to the bullshit. going back to living my life as a stressed out single mom with no freedom, no flare for life etc. Leaving the hostel was full of hugs goodbye and picture-taking with the friends I had met. I seriously didnt stop the tears rolling till I got to the airport..luckily it was 9pm so it was dark and no one else in the shuttle could se me sniffling.

the ride home was equally rough. I thought I'd be able to sleep on the plane but a mentally disturbed man caused a nuisance delaying our plane for security reasons...I didnt sleep a wink cuz I was so uneasy.

I'm still unsure how to handle things that went on this weekend. I usually take things with such grace but I know that this sudden depression of suddenly being back in the norm is only empasizing uncertainties and insecurities that would normally be a shrugg off the shoulder for me.

way to make myself sound like a total friggin head case tho eh? haha...wheres a bottle of Effexor when you need it damnnit! smile

more stories and pictures soon to come...was gonna upload them tonight but damn! it took me like 3 hours to write this entry! haha.

Peace out San Fran! keep in touch
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
brocklee:
AHHH THE PHOTOPIMP AND ZE FRENCHY...DANGEROUS ...DANGEROUS>>lol...my sg brothers ARRR!!!
May 20, 2005
redkelpie:
CINDERELLA .......BEWARE of BROKEN GLASS !!!
May 25, 2005

More Blogs

  • 08.26.10
    3

    Friday Aug 27, 2010

    it has been simply too long but I thought I[d poke my head in to say …
  • 04.01.07
    12

    Sunday Apr 01, 2007

    so this past week I've been doing a lot of photoshoots.... getting ba…
  • 08.23.06
    12

    Wednesday Aug 23, 2006

    Read More
  • 08.15.06
    7

    Tuesday Aug 15, 2006

    I did a test shoot with a photographer...the same who will be doing m…
  • 07.05.06
    3

    Wednesday Jul 05, 2006

    hey all you rawkstarrrrrs! so I'm gonna do a breif update.....I'm …
  • 04.10.06
    14

    Monday Apr 10, 2006

    wow it has been too long! I've been meaning to write more...and I …
  • 12.28.05
    18

    Wednesday Dec 28, 2005

    so christmas is over...what a disaster! I'm so glad its over SO GLAD!…
  • 12.25.05
    10

    Sunday Dec 25, 2005

    Read More
  • 12.19.05
    10

    Monday Dec 19, 2005

    I HATE WINTER! my heat just went out......furnace is outta oil I g…
  • 12.16.05
    11

    Friday Dec 16, 2005

    oh my GOD! today has got to be the morning from HELL!...that is, if …

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
12
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,598 SuicideGirls
  • 1,115,589 followers
  • 14,941,306 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,446,399 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo