panda

so me and my boyfriend decided to call it quits.

I'm sad but relieved at the same time because I know that now thers no pressure to be that perfect relationship and there'll be no hidden resentments anymore because we're just friends and maybe the pressure to hang with one another wont seem like such a task.

we planned to go to Toronto next weekend and I think I'm stil going to go as I've been dying to go to Koolhaus to se Grayarea play for months although I'm scared its gonna be a lil weird. we're going with three other people tho so maybe the presence of mutual friends will be enough to break the tension.

I dont want to hear anyone being all like "good you're a hot girl and can get anyone you want". its the last thing I want to hear right now as I'm bitter that I wasted so much emotion and tried so hard to make things work that I feel cheated out of possibly enjoying my life. I dont see myself etting attatched to anyone for a while, I've just been burnt too many times.

I still love him I just wish he could have told me what was on his mind and I could have been there for him instead of him thinking that I was trying to twist his arm into something he wasnt ready for. He'll always be my best friend but things just wont be able to work on any higher level than that.

it saddens me thats its over and I'm left picking up the pieces now, but I'll just have to put myself back together and get on to my life.

Oh and I finally told him about SG too....I had to get it out. and silly me, hes onay with it, argh! as if I was so scared to tell him about it. oh well whenh we go down to Toronto I wont feel so bad if I sneak off to meet Oryx to talk about our next photoshoot .