pajamamama

MATCHBOOK ROMANCE LYRICS

"Promise"

What would you say if I asked you not to go
To forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
Would you take my hand and never let me go
Promise me you'll never let me go

And now the stars aren't out tonight,
But neither are we to look up at them
Why does hello feel like goodbye?
These memories can't replace,
These wishes I wished and dreams I chased
Take this broken heart and make it right

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

I never thought I'd be the one to say
Please don't, well please don't leave me

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

You're not making this easy (easy, easy, easy...)

Take my hand and never let me go,
Take my hand and never let me go,
Promise me...
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
Make this last forever

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy

I'll fall asleep tonight, 'cause that brings me closer to you

so onto more heavy stuff that I think I need to just vent about. I just got off the phone with my Dad...I have been talking to him since 10 am...its 11:41 now. Why is this man's problem?! Why can't he hear me...why doesn't he listen what doesn't he get. He asks me how I am and I tell him I am not okay...why are you not okay...because I am dealing with a bunch of shit and trying to sort things out in my head and I am having a hard time with it...well what kind of stuff he wants to know...well gee Dad a lot about you...REALLY about me? Like what when you were little what about?...Well Dad going to therapy and remembering what happened and what you did to me is sort of hard to get over...Oh really why is that?...Well gee cause you beat the shit out me and my brother and my Mother and you left me and only came back to me when you didn't have a girlfriend to lean on and you used me and abused me and made me feel like I deserved it, I wasn't good enough, I never was, and now you want me to just get over that and be your friend and listen to your problems...there was a pause from him...he never shuts up...I am your daughter not your friend you were suppposed to take care of me not hurt me...you were supposed to protect me not be the one I need protection from, I was not supposed to be your punching bag and your therapsit at any age but talking to a seven year old about your sex life it just wrong on so many levels. He says...well I said I was sorry...you know what sorry isn't good enough right now. I need time I need space...I need to get over it...I don't need you calling me all the time and making me feel shitty. Then he says...well I know I did a lot bad things but...NO BUT...FUCK THAT...I WOULD NEVER HURT MY KIDS...even on my worst days. I reminded him of the time I was 7 and he brought me with him to a clients house and left me in the car for like 6 hours while he did a "job" like drinking until he can't stand up and then he drove to a bar...where I climbed behind the counter with the bartender and called my Mom for a ride...good lord...I need time...and I had to remind him of the time he told me he was dying of Cancer just to get my sympathy when I was like 7 or 8 so I would just hang out with him...why so you could be mean to me??? What the hell was that! Then after finding out it was a lie we change the locks and you take an axe to the door to get it?!?!?! Is that how you solve things NO, that is WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!! I so learned the wrong way to deal with things and problems growing up. Just smile and pretend to be happy and that everything is okay...don't speak up...don't complain...don't be sad...don't cry...just be happy for having the life you have...well I was not happy and now 30 years later and a lot of crap relationships it is hard to change all that. My Mom is not helping at the moment either. She is the MOST passive aggressive person I have ever met in my life...she comes up and does my dishes...like 5 of them...didn't ask her to do them she just did...then the uses it against me all day and makes me feel quilty for things. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO IT WOMAN! I do them myself ALL the time! Go AWAY and just leave me ALONE! Okay...I feel better...deep breaths.... I just need to get it out. Thanks for reading anyone that does...and I am sorry for venting.