Hey, my last set was at 2019 year, then I was inactive for the next few years, so couldn't see Your messages and couldn't post anything on my page... A lot of shit happened before my last set( I didn't tell about it), and some shit happened after....Thats the reason why I wasn't active on my social media....
I had a lot of troubles with my health.. Still do... Already 6 last years... I didn't tell this before...
That situation was almost 7 years ago...
All my relationships ended with my broken heart and over time things got worse - with my self esteem and psyche..maybe that's why the last guy was the worst. I didn’t meet any normal guys along the way, so I didn’t even know how to see red flags, I didn’t value myself, so I started relationship with abuser, and stayed there for two years ( 2015-2017), thats destroyed my self-esteem, mental and physical health.... We broked up for few times, but I always returned back to him 🙄. I looked like a drug addict, I had constant weight changes and acne ( I had problems with weight and acne all the time, but it got worse ).
Here is how I looked in 2011 and 2014 years (in other toxic relationships) ⬇️
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- 2015 - 2017 - Two years of all sorts of crap, living with psycho, made from me - a paranoid, social phobic, mentally unstable person...
In any relationships I looked - tired, with skin and weight troubles. .
But here I even like how I looked. Period, when I was in abusive relationship 2015-2017 (but this skinny figure is because I was nervous all the time, lol ) ⬇️
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I was tired and decided to leave and DON'T come back.. That was my final decision... I broke up with toxic abusive psycho.. But of course he thought that I will change my mind if he will send me flowers and some presents (spoiler I didn't change my mind 🤣)..
After broke up - past one or two months.. I was sitting at home, and got one more present from psycho, by post( which I didn't ask for, but he knew where I lived )... I felt weird, I thought that - hmm, something wrong with my face, then I turned on a frontal cam on my phone, because I wanna see, why I'm feeling weird about my face, so tadaaaa, here is a - "hapy face" of person who just got a present by post.... Just a good reminder - how you can look and feel, when you are fucking tired, and empty after spending your life with wrong people..... ⬇️
This lasted another 8 months, then ended with police and court....
He written to me for 6 months after we broke up, with begings and tons of shit, with blackmail, sent presents by post ( I didn't ask for that ), had paroles from my social media ( I didn't know about that), and he read all my social media for 6 months or longer!!.. Then stole my original SG pics, which photographer send me by mail, and started to show those pics to my new bf with words "look she is a whore".. All ended with court... Court was given a restraining order prohibiting him from approaching me or having any contact with me...
I start to realized that I had been neurotic since childhood. I was often scolded and brought to tears. In order to be praised in any way, you had to try, and even this did not guarantee that they would be happy with you. maybe that’s why I chose partners whose love and attention I had to earn... Maybe that’s why my health and immunity suffered. constant nervous exhaustion since childhood led to physical exhaustion .
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2017 year. I finally broke up with abuser...We broke up in autumn, and after six months of blackmail and crap, after I found out about my stolen photos and about reading personal messages, I got tired and went to the police and the court. I'm glad that court quickly made a decision, and it took a couple of weeks... a month passed after the court. It's summer..
It seemed to me that - now I would live my normal life. I learned lessons from past relationships. Finally I don't have a ton of text messages from a psycho who was blackmailing and crying into my phone, begging me to return to him.......Then happened friday 13th July.. (Always loved the Friday 13, some spooky date, but not for now..)
Still can't speak about that, so there will be a short story.. My parrot was flew out of the window, we didn't find him....... That was final "bullet in my heart" final "bullet in my mental health"...
He was my best friend, he knew his name, he came to me when heared his name, he followed me when I was going from room to kitchen or bathroom.. He listened my favorite music with me and he shok his head, raised his paw and made "🤟🏻" like the metalheads do... I blamed myself, because few last years I wasn't with him, I was in one or another toxic relationships... He was only 7 years old... His name was Kefi.
We posted flyers on all the houses in our area... we made post on Facebook and on the radio... And what do you think?? Children called me and my mom, with prank, saying that they found the parrot dead, then they hung up and laughed.. Some also called and said that they were roasting my parrot at the stake.. bastards.. There are simply no words.... Of course - that made me even more neurotic and paranoid. I still can’t pick up the phone when an unknown number calls....And I still think that something bad happened, when my father calls.. He called me when this tragedy happened.. For your understanding, my father NEVER calls to ask “how are you?”.. Now he is calling only because he wants something from me, or to tell me about the death of a relative... every time I see a call from him, I get nervous...
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Since 2018 I had a lot of troubles with my mental health, I cried a lot, laying on bed for hours, days, months...Because of that I got trouble with physical health too...That's why I was not often on my social media, or making some new content....
In those few years my health becomes more and more worse...
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And Since my twenties I have been hospitalized every year or two with various inflammations.
Awareness came, but the problems did not go away. For several years in a row I was treated in a psychiatric hospital. Was better for a little, then became worse. Still have troubles with health.. Two years ago I was at hospital, my legs looked this way, aaand, nobody knows why... ⬇️
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Last winter my lymph nodes in the neck looked like nuts under the skin, they hurt and were inflamed for several months. I had a suspicion that I had a cancer... I had surgery on my neck... And You know what? Everything is fine 🤣👌🏻🤦🏼♀️.. Why they were inflamed for several months? Nobody knows....
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I look better now considering everything that happened
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Final... One of important things...
Last June my relatives made a surprise on my Birthday. They got a pug for me (I love brachecephalic animals. they are so sweet and kind )... I called her Yumi ( that means beauty from Japan)
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And You know what....
....She didn't live to see my next birthday at this summer.......
In Friday evening (03.05.24) my dogie went to the rainbow...
She suddenly became ill in the evening.. There is no 24-hour veterinary clinic in my city. She was dying on my arms... she was only 1 year and 9 days old... Damn, I ask why and for what!?!!
We were going to do an expertise, but they told us that the laboratory was closed for the holidays, and... We had to put Yumi in the fridge for two days... She was lying in fridge in the garage of relatives... it's some kind of nightmare, I'm still crying while I’m writing all this 😭.... My little girl was cheerful and very friendly, active... Everyone was shocked by what happened... According to the doctors, she had a congenital pathology that did not manifest itself in any way, and then caused pressure on the brain and death....
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I can't fix myself... Still can't....
Shit happens again and again... I don’t have time to recover from everything that’s happening... I didn't make any of content for SG or art for few years.. I'm stuck in my depression.... I did new set for SG - TWO years ago, and I couldn't rendering it for TWO years... But I finally did it, thats why I'm here, and writing this post.... If You are still reading this, thanks 💗... Take care of Yourselves, sweeties 💓
P.S. ( sorry for this kind of post 😞.. I know, that this platform is for aesthetic and fun.. But this is a part of my life.. )
