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outrightmd

Rome, GA

Member Since 2005

Followers 10 Following 16

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Sunday Jan 15, 2006

Jan 15, 2006
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ahh. where do i begin.

girl update. before i left for nashville i talked to (i never know exactly what to call her.. girlfriend, ex or) the girl. we weren't supposed to be talking, atleast that was the plan, but of course we didn't stick to it. as i posted before she said she wasn't ready to commit to a relationship right now, and realistically neither was i. but i answered when she called and things were quickly back into something resembling the old swing. she told me she loved me. i told her i loved her. warm fuzzy feelings ensued. fast forward to sunday. i drove back from nashville and stopped by my sponsors house, because he called and told me that he need to tell me something. he tells me that he heard from two separate reliable sources (both mutual friends of the girl and myself) that she was seeing somebody else. i called her up to ask her myself, and after first trying to lie about it she admitted it. she said that for whatever reason she is incabable of being faithful in a relationship (which sounds like a cop out to me) and that she knew that eventually she was going to end up hurting me. that's why she tried to call things off last week.

to make an already long story short, i told her that it was over and any chance that we might have had to eventually get together was nil. i wasn't mean about it at all (i know that might sound weird, but i was practicing new behavior) and told her that i hope that everything works out well for her and she is safe. it was definitely hard putting the final nail in it, but it had to be done, for both our sakes.

i'm still smarting from the whole thing, but i know in the long run that this was the best outcome. we're both two sick individuals. i'm just really glad that i found out now instead of later down the road when i had invested even more of my heart into the matter. enough of my ranting.

i thought i was in love. and then something else happened.

omd.

<now playing on random .. toad the wet sprocket - don't fade>
buzzhum:
Yea man..thats tough. Facts being facts...evryones kind of fucked up from something somehow. I'm right here in the mix.

My last GF has been slowly warming up to me. Everyone that knew us..and I do mesan EVRYONE that knew us woudl say I'm insane for even entertaining the idea. They are probably right. IT was never really done in my head though...we sort of blew a gasget and called it over.

As the idea of her/us becomes a little (if only a tad) more of a reality, the issues and challenges that were there become more apprent again. You know, distance makes the heart grow fonder. The sad reality is love is not enough. I can say (but don't in places he can see it) that I love her.

The twist...Shes an awsome person that got the shaft as a child. She so pretty inside and out...amazingly hot in fact. Shes afraid though that if people notice her for that, that they will find out how broken she is..and all the crushingly terrible things that happened to her will be found out.

It breaks my heart.

So she has all these control features in place to make sure this never happens. I don't know if I have it in me to navigate these waters...I don't know if those waters are navigateable. Even the notion that shes intrested in trying us again is doen vaguly and is presented in a way that she coudl turn on me and say that I misuderstood what she was saying...that she simply still cares for me and wanted me to knwo....etc.


I didn't mean to get as in depth. Much of this is very new as of this week and then she wrote last night...so its really fresh in my head.

See you tomorrow perhaps? Try to come say hi if you can.
Jan 16, 2006

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