This blog is going to ramble quite a bit but bare with me, I have a good story....
With it being a new year, without realizing it, i am always finding myself reminiscing over the last. Sometimes we forget to remember the last year because we are so excited to start a new one. It's even harder when sometimes the last year ends on a shitty note, like 2016 seemed to do to us all. It's been a while since i have written a blog, and i truly apologize for it. These last two semesters for me are getting intense. I have my National Board Exam coming up in May after I graduate and my "professor" (I use quotations because while she does teach at a college, calling her a professor is quite a stretch. She retires this year since the program has been indefinitely suspended from the college, so you can imagine her attitude...) she has us all super stressed. Needless to say, I have been pretty wrapped up in school. So I sort of forgot(?) about all of the amazing things that have happened this year.
In January my debut set as a hopeful came out! That in itself is pretty amazing. Not to dwell on the past, but I have come really far in my life. I wish I could have had my debut come out sooner than 2016, but I am super proud of myself for doing it. I am super proud of every suicide girl and hopeful alike that has a set come out. It takes guts to put yourself out there like we do, it may come easy to you but for the girl next to you it sometimes takes a whole lotta guts to do it. Like me. My anxiety has held me back in a lot of aspects in my life. I get super anxious sometimes leaving a comment.
Which kinda brings me to April and May of 2016. I was unbelievably lucky enough to go to a shootfest! *in my best minion voice* WHHAAAAAAAT? I met so many amazing ladies in Orlando and right here in my backyard. Some of these ladies I can spend hours with on the phone. Everyone I meet here is so unique and so beautiful in so many ways. In Orlando, I was basically crippled with anxiety but I couldn't help myself. I had my very first set come out as a hopeful and I am meeting women that I have been following for years on so many social media platforms. It was a totally insane experience that I dreamed about doing and was so overwhelmed that it was actually happening. I went to Disneyworld with @disco and @titan_, I satyed in a house with like a crap ton of beautiful hopefuls and SGs, I ate lunch while dressed as Captain Spaulding with @deerling @wolfling and @wednesdaya , went to a burlesque show with @wednesdaya , spent Mardi Gras with @fresa and @yourimmortal , drank tea with @gemmaedwards , bonded with @aerie and @prettyneurotic over a bowl, i mean I could just go on about all of the amazing ladies I have met and had the opportunity to hang out with. i have made so many friends that it just fills me with so much love. Despite how awkward and shy i am, all these lovely humans that I have met here want to be my friend.
Which brings me to why I joined SG to begin with. (im rambling quite a bit but this story is just getting good) I have always been in love with Lucille Ball and her time period. Vintage, beautiful, and made people smile and laugh. That's what I always wanted to be when I grew up, I always said that no matter what career I chose, I just wanted to be like Lucy. I struggled a lot with anxiety and always loved the women I'd see modeling for SG. The confidence and the beauty and the pinup! The pinup that gave me the most inspiration has always been @maud. Vintage and beautiful. I knew that if i ever had the courage to go after my dream of modeling for SG, I would want to do it with her style. She just has this grace in her sets that just....indescribable. She is my inspiration and I hope to just be a quarter of the model she is (because I don't even think half would be attainable for me haha).
Well, you know how they say you should never meet your idols because chances are you'll be disappointed? yeah, not the case with Maud. In fact, I would venture to say that she reminds me of a modern day Lucille Ball, with amazing tattoos. She is so bubbly, silly, beautiful, and just the kindest. Sometimes when I text her, I still get stupid nervous because *in a waynes world voice* "I'm not worthy"! Getting to do a shoot with her was just a dream come true! Literally. She made it so easy. She told me her vision of what she saw for my set and we did it. I felt so old Hollywood with the palm trees by the pool, getting shot my freakin Maud! It was such a whirlwind of an experience. She is truly a pinup goddess and my lovely friend and inspiration.
SG is so amazing. Women supporting other women because that is what it's all about in the end. At the end of the day, we are all here for the friendships. Of course, the beautiful women that we all love and support, but to make friendships with people like us. Outcasts, shy, awkward, wonderful, beautiful people. I mean for me, this is a place where I feel like I belong, where I can see myself growing with all of you.
I may be very quiet, but I love being here on SG and meeting everyone that I have. I want to meet so many more! Just reminding myself of everything that I have done in 2016 gives me a boost. I am chasing my dreams and conquering my anxiety. Thank you SG.
All my love XOXO
Oswin
