The other night, my son was having a hard time going to bed.... and I remembered when I was a kid. I felt there were angels that followed me around to keep me safe. I told him that at night, the night time angels come and revive his body so he can go on living strong the next day. if we don't sleep we can literally die!!! i told him the night time angels watch over him and heal him while he is sleeping....it reminded me that sometimes....i feel like someone is with me (schizophrenia?) lol no but seriously. I have had so many close calls, and felt like there was more for me so they (angels?) kept me alive....like when i was 2 years old. my mom would bring me out into the ocean in Maui on an inner tube in 4 and 5 foot waves....she was a crazy hippy ...so no she wasn't really thinking. but i could have easily died then.
then I was in a horrible car crash. flew off the road. hit the wall of a driveway, after sliding down the ditch at 60 mph, and hit this ramp (these people's driveway, and flew over it like 20 feet, nose dived my car, slammed my neck three times, and luckily no cops came, so i drove off with a dragging front bumper...lol... again....had to be angels...then I think I fell of this Arabian horse like every day for a year. she was crazy. then my huge 16'2 hand thoroughbred ex racehorse liked to rear, he reared in the ditch and fell on me, he weighed 1,250 pounds....I had a small bruise on my thigh, that was it.....
then there was the overdose, I was dead for at least 15 to 20 minutes.or more...at least...before the paramedics got there and had to use two anti heroin serums or whatever they use....I was foaming at the mouth, i had seen golden light, and felt as i was floating into warm bliss (the feeling of dying) then they woke me up, i was freezing cold and pissed off lol...but again....angels??? (i am now 3 years clean off of heroin by the way:o) yay! )
what is it that is so important that I need to do....I pushed my luck so many times, and I keep getting protected...those stories are only a small portion of the accidents in my life..... oh and not to forget setting my nightgown on fire when i was 4 and a half....i have 3rd degree burns all over my left boob. my mom said it looked just like white holes after she put the fire out with her arms...I..was hospitalized for 2 and a half weeks) .they said if the fire was not put out right when it was it would have got to my face and suffocated me .....angels???
I like to believe in them....
I have two healthy kids. a loving family. loving parents....loving boyfriend.....still working on my health (after ten years of opiate addiction there is some after math.) but I finally am on SG which was a dream of mine since i was 15 !!!!! i think luckily, someone or something was watching out for me so that I could live a life I wanted, not that someone else thought I should. Im a model, I always have been a SG girl, wild and different and its like home here. you cant be happy unless you are living the life you want, or at least working towards what you are really passionate about. I wish I started sooner but I guess I needed to really know how bad I wanted to do this first....I always would get inspired by the SG girls...but just didn't realize i was just as qualified as them to go for it.....
anyways....just some food for thought..... love you all. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox it makes sense that one of my favorite songs is ALIVE from pearl jam.... ooohhhh ooooohhh im still alive.. because literally sometimes that is all that matters to me and reminds me to enjoy just being alive!
