Hi all...just got today's Pop Bitch and would ike to share
The city of Chicago has banned foie gras.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Fantasy Football <<
Kurtis Blow - new soccer fan
Hip-hop legend Kurtis Blow was appearing at
Brixton Academy last weekend. He tried to
engage the crowd in some Brit-centric banter:
"So who is gonna win the World Cup?
England? France? Barcelona?"
-----------------------------------------------------
Donald Trump is to become an ambassador for Scotland.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Project Hurley <<
Model, actress, TV presenter?
Sky TV crew members are gutted that Liz Hurley
has ruled herself out of presenting another
series of Project Catwalk. Her appearances
on the first series were priceless. She
had trouble pronouncing things and could be
found wandering around the set chanting
things like "Patrix Cock, Patrix Cock,
Patrick Cox..." And she had an assistant to
help her understand which expressions
she was achieving on camera who stood behind
a monitor shouting out things like
"More happy!" or "Less eyebrow".
>> He shoots, he scores! <<
There's only two Wayne Rooneys
Poor Wayne Rooney, missing out on the
World Cup he was expected to dominate. But
maybe there is some good news to be revealed.
Insiders at Manchester United have said that
there has been much talk in the last two weeks
of the patter of tiny feet coming soon to
the McLoughlin-Rooney household...
-----------------------------------------------------
Billie Piper is writing her autobiography.
(Aged 23.)
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Just say no <<
Mexican standoff over drug laws
Mexican President Vicente Fox declared that he
would sign a bill to legalise recreational drug
use in Mexico. But sadly yesterday he reneged.
Initial reports have suggested it was due to
tremendous pressure from America. But we think
an even higher power than George Bush was
involved - God. Five children in Mexico city
were killed when a large metal cross they were
praying at was struck by lightning....
Just Say No... to God!
FYI: Watch the 1986 White House sponsored Just Say
No video featuring a young Whitney Houston!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5zJvX3pIY4\
-----------------------------------------------------
More than half of American prisoners are in jail
for drug-related offences. They outnumber the entire
European prison population.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> The perils of Pauline <<
More tales of Government folk
Pauline Prescott may not have been entirely
surprised about the last week's newspaper
reports about her husband's love of blonde
staff members. Last year she vetoed her husband's
invitation to their son David's wedding to
another of his bubbly, blonde, ex-secretaries,
Rosie Winterton.
(FYI: John Amos, Stepfather of Prescott's lover
Tracey Temple suggested The Mail might not have
been their favoured port of call, telling
the News of The World... "I suggest your editor
settles his differences with Max Clifford!")
-----------------------------------------------------
James Fladung, Mayor of Ault, Colorado, was so drunk
when arrested on assault charges last weekend,
that he broke the police breathalyser.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Gak attack! <<
The end of the line for music executive
The British music industry is a dull, corporate
world these days but at least one girl has
been doing her bit to bring back the spirit
of the 70s and 80s.
A blonde executive at SonyBMG has been making
friends with many of the label's top bands
like Oasis and The Zutons thanks to a prolific
consumption and provision of "fruit and flowers".
Sadly the gakhead's appetite was not matched by
her salary and she suddenly found herself
stuck with a five grand debt to her dealers
for the stars cocaine. Label bosses have checked
her into rehab at the Priory and are trying
to sort the mess out quietly.
-----------------------------------------------------
A US scientist, Louis Guillette, is claiming that
pesticides are making penis sizes decrease.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Grumpy Old Men <<
Why divorce was invented
Three men who would be worse to marry than
Kevin 'Happy Finish" Costner:
1. Hani Hind from Saudi Arabia, says he
is unhappily married to a ghost who is
threatening to hurt any human woman he marries.
He says he has had sex with his ghost wife,
Sarahoo, twice, which resulted in the birth of
a ghost child which, of course, Hani will never
see. Hind is currently in Damascus seeking help
to divorce his wife from Islamic scholar Abdel
Amir Houedi, who says these human-ghost
marriages are not unheard of, but that ghosts
aren't dangerous "as long as they are Muslim".
2. 80 year-old Gayadhar from India moved on to a
mango tree after a quarrel with his wife 50
years ago. He's never moved back, and only
comes down to drink water. His 55 year-old son
Babula, says, "I have gone to the garden
several times to woo him back but he vehemently
refused to return. Hurt and dejected, I had
to come back home."
3. Bobby Davro. Speaking at a recent business
dinner in Glasgow Davro joked, "You jocks love
your whisky. I like my whisky like I like my
women - a good 16 year-old mixed up with coke."
****************************************************
Bid for the last ever glass Marmite jar and first
ever squeezy marmite tube in a charity auction now:
_http://tinyurl.com/ojepo
*****************************************************
>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Rocket Ron, Charles the Antichrist, Two Shags
"Fox News gives you both sides of every
story - the President's side and the Vice-
President's side..."
Watch highlights of the brilliant Stephen
Colbert's speech at the White House
Correspondents' Dinner:
http://tinyurl.com/za7rc
Hugo Nicolson (producer Screamadelica,
David Holmes' studio boffin) makes his DJ
debut on Saturday, May 6, at Good Luck Studio,
Sosho, Tabernacle St London EC2, 8pm-4am
http://www.sosho3am.com/clubnights/default.aspx?n=Saturday
Big Brother Oz podcast:
http://bigbrother.mn8.com
Get your Prescott 'Two Shags' t-shirt fresh from
http://www.Teefly.com:
For anyone who sat through the World Snooker final,
here's Ronnie's fastest-ever 147:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reko-IrdqBg&search=147
Addictive office game of the week:
http://farm.avocadolite.com/game.phtml
Circumcised men - get the pleasure of a
foreskin. Soft, comfortable, tapeless
Your-Skin Cone and TLC Tugger:
http://TLCTugger.com
Prince Charles is the antichrist, apparently:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0966279301/002-4376909-4544004?v=glance&n=283155
Ever wondered what a hip-hop version of This Is
Spinal Tap would be like? Watch Fear Of A
Black Hat and find out:
http://tinyurl.com/pou6l
>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries for Sunday 23rd April
++ Number One
GNARLS BARKLEY Crazy
++ Top Ten
FEEDER Lost & Found
++ Top Twenty
MICHAEL JACKSON Remember The Time
++ Top Forty
WE ARE SCIENTISTS Nobody Move Nobody Get Hurt
GOLDFRAPP Fly Me Away
T-PAIN I'm Sprung
FORWARD RUSSIA Nine
CAPTAIN Broke
The city of Chicago has banned foie gras.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Fantasy Football <<
Kurtis Blow - new soccer fan
Hip-hop legend Kurtis Blow was appearing at
Brixton Academy last weekend. He tried to
engage the crowd in some Brit-centric banter:
"So who is gonna win the World Cup?
England? France? Barcelona?"
-----------------------------------------------------
Donald Trump is to become an ambassador for Scotland.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Project Hurley <<
Model, actress, TV presenter?
Sky TV crew members are gutted that Liz Hurley
has ruled herself out of presenting another
series of Project Catwalk. Her appearances
on the first series were priceless. She
had trouble pronouncing things and could be
found wandering around the set chanting
things like "Patrix Cock, Patrix Cock,
Patrick Cox..." And she had an assistant to
help her understand which expressions
she was achieving on camera who stood behind
a monitor shouting out things like
"More happy!" or "Less eyebrow".
>> He shoots, he scores! <<
There's only two Wayne Rooneys
Poor Wayne Rooney, missing out on the
World Cup he was expected to dominate. But
maybe there is some good news to be revealed.
Insiders at Manchester United have said that
there has been much talk in the last two weeks
of the patter of tiny feet coming soon to
the McLoughlin-Rooney household...
-----------------------------------------------------
Billie Piper is writing her autobiography.
(Aged 23.)
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Just say no <<
Mexican standoff over drug laws
Mexican President Vicente Fox declared that he
would sign a bill to legalise recreational drug
use in Mexico. But sadly yesterday he reneged.
Initial reports have suggested it was due to
tremendous pressure from America. But we think
an even higher power than George Bush was
involved - God. Five children in Mexico city
were killed when a large metal cross they were
praying at was struck by lightning....
Just Say No... to God!
FYI: Watch the 1986 White House sponsored Just Say
No video featuring a young Whitney Houston!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5zJvX3pIY4\
-----------------------------------------------------
More than half of American prisoners are in jail
for drug-related offences. They outnumber the entire
European prison population.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> The perils of Pauline <<
More tales of Government folk
Pauline Prescott may not have been entirely
surprised about the last week's newspaper
reports about her husband's love of blonde
staff members. Last year she vetoed her husband's
invitation to their son David's wedding to
another of his bubbly, blonde, ex-secretaries,
Rosie Winterton.
(FYI: John Amos, Stepfather of Prescott's lover
Tracey Temple suggested The Mail might not have
been their favoured port of call, telling
the News of The World... "I suggest your editor
settles his differences with Max Clifford!")
-----------------------------------------------------
James Fladung, Mayor of Ault, Colorado, was so drunk
when arrested on assault charges last weekend,
that he broke the police breathalyser.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Gak attack! <<
The end of the line for music executive
The British music industry is a dull, corporate
world these days but at least one girl has
been doing her bit to bring back the spirit
of the 70s and 80s.
A blonde executive at SonyBMG has been making
friends with many of the label's top bands
like Oasis and The Zutons thanks to a prolific
consumption and provision of "fruit and flowers".
Sadly the gakhead's appetite was not matched by
her salary and she suddenly found herself
stuck with a five grand debt to her dealers
for the stars cocaine. Label bosses have checked
her into rehab at the Priory and are trying
to sort the mess out quietly.
-----------------------------------------------------
A US scientist, Louis Guillette, is claiming that
pesticides are making penis sizes decrease.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Grumpy Old Men <<
Why divorce was invented
Three men who would be worse to marry than
Kevin 'Happy Finish" Costner:
1. Hani Hind from Saudi Arabia, says he
is unhappily married to a ghost who is
threatening to hurt any human woman he marries.
He says he has had sex with his ghost wife,
Sarahoo, twice, which resulted in the birth of
a ghost child which, of course, Hani will never
see. Hind is currently in Damascus seeking help
to divorce his wife from Islamic scholar Abdel
Amir Houedi, who says these human-ghost
marriages are not unheard of, but that ghosts
aren't dangerous "as long as they are Muslim".
2. 80 year-old Gayadhar from India moved on to a
mango tree after a quarrel with his wife 50
years ago. He's never moved back, and only
comes down to drink water. His 55 year-old son
Babula, says, "I have gone to the garden
several times to woo him back but he vehemently
refused to return. Hurt and dejected, I had
to come back home."
3. Bobby Davro. Speaking at a recent business
dinner in Glasgow Davro joked, "You jocks love
your whisky. I like my whisky like I like my
women - a good 16 year-old mixed up with coke."
****************************************************
Bid for the last ever glass Marmite jar and first
ever squeezy marmite tube in a charity auction now:
_http://tinyurl.com/ojepo
*****************************************************
>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Rocket Ron, Charles the Antichrist, Two Shags
"Fox News gives you both sides of every
story - the President's side and the Vice-
President's side..."
Watch highlights of the brilliant Stephen
Colbert's speech at the White House
Correspondents' Dinner:
http://tinyurl.com/za7rc
Hugo Nicolson (producer Screamadelica,
David Holmes' studio boffin) makes his DJ
debut on Saturday, May 6, at Good Luck Studio,
Sosho, Tabernacle St London EC2, 8pm-4am
http://www.sosho3am.com/clubnights/default.aspx?n=Saturday
Big Brother Oz podcast:
http://bigbrother.mn8.com
Get your Prescott 'Two Shags' t-shirt fresh from
http://www.Teefly.com:
For anyone who sat through the World Snooker final,
here's Ronnie's fastest-ever 147:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reko-IrdqBg&search=147
Addictive office game of the week:
http://farm.avocadolite.com/game.phtml
Circumcised men - get the pleasure of a
foreskin. Soft, comfortable, tapeless
Your-Skin Cone and TLC Tugger:
http://TLCTugger.com
Prince Charles is the antichrist, apparently:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0966279301/002-4376909-4544004?v=glance&n=283155
Ever wondered what a hip-hop version of This Is
Spinal Tap would be like? Watch Fear Of A
Black Hat and find out:
http://tinyurl.com/pou6l
>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries for Sunday 23rd April
++ Number One
GNARLS BARKLEY Crazy
++ Top Ten
FEEDER Lost & Found
++ Top Twenty
MICHAEL JACKSON Remember The Time
++ Top Forty
WE ARE SCIENTISTS Nobody Move Nobody Get Hurt
GOLDFRAPP Fly Me Away
T-PAIN I'm Sprung
FORWARD RUSSIA Nine
CAPTAIN Broke