My husband gave me a 3-page letter he wrote while he was at training school and I don't know how I feel about it exactly. He said that I'm being selfish by not being as physically and emotionally supportive as he needs. He speaks about how I haven't initiated a kiss in ages, and physical affection is nearly non-existent from me, and when he gives affection it is received almost like a chore.
Which I admit is true. I've also discussed this with him many times...why its hard for me.
I don't want to be a callous bitch and I know he didn't write it to make me feel bad but...what he's asking isn't impossible by any means but it will be fake. I've tried to compensate by doing all the cooking, all the cleaning (except for the occasional laundry load done by him), and taking care of the baby, getting him surprise things here and there because I feel that doing is sometimes better than saying.
The thing is this shouldn't be about me because he is going to war, he is scared, and he is getting closer to the time when he will be in constant danger 24/7 for a cause that he doesn't believe was started honestly. He'll be missing the entire second year of his first child's life and she'll have to refamilarize herself with him when he gets back. But that isn't going to make our marriage good before he leaves.
Everytime I call home my mother tells me to be understanding and supportive of him and I say I will. I just don't know how to start doing things that are distasteful to me without him realizing. There are alot of emotional things btwn both of us that have been bottled up and ignored in order to get along as well as we have been.
At the same time, its like, well, fuck, he's going to war and hugging and kissing him is hard for you. What the fuck is your problem? And thats the root of it, I guess. What the fuck is my problem? There's alot of stuff that we need to get out but we can't do it before he leaves.
I'll try my best to suck it up and give him all of what he is asking. I want him to leave in the best state of mind possible considering the situation.
Which I admit is true. I've also discussed this with him many times...why its hard for me.
I don't want to be a callous bitch and I know he didn't write it to make me feel bad but...what he's asking isn't impossible by any means but it will be fake. I've tried to compensate by doing all the cooking, all the cleaning (except for the occasional laundry load done by him), and taking care of the baby, getting him surprise things here and there because I feel that doing is sometimes better than saying.
The thing is this shouldn't be about me because he is going to war, he is scared, and he is getting closer to the time when he will be in constant danger 24/7 for a cause that he doesn't believe was started honestly. He'll be missing the entire second year of his first child's life and she'll have to refamilarize herself with him when he gets back. But that isn't going to make our marriage good before he leaves.
Everytime I call home my mother tells me to be understanding and supportive of him and I say I will. I just don't know how to start doing things that are distasteful to me without him realizing. There are alot of emotional things btwn both of us that have been bottled up and ignored in order to get along as well as we have been.
At the same time, its like, well, fuck, he's going to war and hugging and kissing him is hard for you. What the fuck is your problem? And thats the root of it, I guess. What the fuck is my problem? There's alot of stuff that we need to get out but we can't do it before he leaves.
I'll try my best to suck it up and give him all of what he is asking. I want him to leave in the best state of mind possible considering the situation.
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If you can make a commitment to do this every week even if its just for an hour or two it will give the two of you something to look forward to.
I know that it sounds stupid and you must be thinking "but I hated dating and was glad I could stop when I got married".
Just try to spend time together away from the all-consuming army base. Give him the chance to treat you like a queen and not a mom and you will become attracted to him all over again.
[Edited on Jul 06, 2005 10:58AM]