ormunroe

Well, I feel some more whining/venting is in order. Just clearing my head...

So I told my husband I'd put a dollar or euro in a jar for him everyday that I was supposed to use the exercise bike and didn't. He comes to me all smiles and proposes that for every two days I don't exercise when I said I would, he gets a blowjob. Perhaps he was really trying to motivate me...He knows what I think about blowjobs and penises. It wouldn't be torture by any means but its just...distasteful (in all senses; not just him but in general).

Its like me asking him to lick my butthole (something I know he has no interest in either giving or receiving) if he doesn't workout like he said he would.

So that got me to thinking and feeling guilty, of course. I don't give him bj's and I don't ask him to give me what I won't give him. It just seems weird to me that we're a couple like this. I love oral sex and he loves oral sex but we both love the oral sex with women. I don't want to give pity/guilt head but if he asked enough I would because he's going to freakin war. What kind of wife would I be if I didn't give him going-to-war head?

I don't know...I just...he's the only man I feel comfortable around semi-nude. I mean he's seen all the good and bad and he doesn't mind. I love him like no other and we have a child together.

I'm trying to make this work. I am. Marriage isn't easy and we've both made sacrifices but are they the right kind of sacrifices?

I love him but I don't want this. I can't leave. I love him and I am trying but I'm scared its wrong. I'm the same girl he met a few years ago needing a love that wouldn't reject while realizing my own need for independence.

I'm so tired of these fucking circles but I'll still be riding until he comes back.