Monday Feb 21, 2005

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So I'm in marriage counseling to help strengthen my marriage before my husband goes to Iraq...

So I'm bisexual (kinda leaning more toward women) and I don't really like that term anywho...as my husband said, "If people around here knew they'd think you were a slut and I don't know how that would affect my job."

So I love my husband for who he is and our friendship (which we had before we became anything else) but physically I love his smooth, pale skin, slender fingers, the curve his body makes while lying on his side and holding his freshly-shaven face in my hands. Generally, I avoid kissing him b/c I just...I don't feel either the desire or inclination even during sex.

So I told this (and other stuff which I may/may not decide to divulge on here) to my therapist and she thinks I'm in a complicated situation that could potentially be explosive and I need to decide how I feel about myself truthfully.

I'm kinda scared to go back to her... whatever I'm kinda scared of searching that far and being that honest because I don't want to potentially lose everything... puke

And my therapist said, "Either confront your issues and come to a solution including all involved or live in avoidance/denial, gain some bad habits, go down some bad paths in an external show of how you feel internally and be miserable trying to satisfy everyone but yourself. You have to be right on the inside before you can do right for your family."

Uhm...this is just too real for me. Anyone want to talk...I'm kinda feeling very vunerable, discombobulated, and nauseous.... frown
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
9ine:
Ok...I'm not going to ask you NOT to apologize anymore cause it just doesn't seem to work..Apologize all you want! I don't care tongue tongue tongue

Now I am even more confused...I like mournful songs and I also like listening to a cello but I can't even think of one jazz song with a cello in it...damn girl! you got me cornered blackeyed Perhaps I will send you mournful songs without the cello, and cello instrumentals separately... confused

Where is Mr. Dexter??? I sent a copy to Rx in MI and it got there a long time ago...I thought that yours would have arrived faster... frown

Are you shooting new pics?? With your 'fro perhaps? love

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PS - ...I think that you shouldn't avoid your therapist. I understand how scary all this might be for you but whatever the outcome may be, I believe that honesty is the best way to live our lives...it usually shows in the longterm...
I'll be here if you need anything. Just drop me a note.

kiss
rosehips:
All I can say there is that I think for most people therapy is a good thing. It can be scary, but, it can really help you to see what is going on. Just be sure that you have a therapist you are comfortable enough to be honest with.

I don't like the term bi-sexual either. I guess because it makes people assume some things about me that may not be true.

Re your comments to me: It is funny, growing up I hated my red hair. It was almost orange then and kind of frizzy. I thought it was my worst feature. Then as I grew older it turned into more of an auburn and I learned to control the curls. I love it now. One of my favorite things about my physical appearance.

Cycops huh? I can see the eye thing. Other than that he is kind of the poster boy for guys that don't do it for me. Nightcrawler on the other hand, oh yeah.

The date went very well. Such a nice sweet guy. I just wish he didn't remind me of someone else. I guess we will just see what happens.

Yes, I have been training since I was 8. Never really studied any one style. I had an older cousin who decided I needed to be able to defend myself. He taught me very well. When he decided he couldn't teach me anymore, I started training mostly on my own. Picking up various things from people I know, but, pretty much developing my own style.

Hope you are feeling better.

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