Ugh. 
I feel so...blah.
Every other minute I go from fine to not fine. Fine, not fine. Repeat, repeat, repeat. In the "fine" moments I'm mostly numb. So maybe "fine" wouldn't be the right word.
The thing about breaking up with someone you'v been with for a long time is that you have to start defining yourself in different terms. You are now "single." The word "girlfriend" no longer applies to you, but the word "ex" does. You have to use these words when speaking to other people. I'm a pretty private person most of the time, so I hate having to do this...especially when informing my friends, family, or even just acquaintances, of the breakup. It's exhausting. I'm still recovering from an unknown illness (I was nearly hospitalized the other week), so I don't really have the energy for this bullshit. Which is why I have left my house only once the entire weekend.
I've also deicded not to maintain a friendship with my "ex." Ew, what a horrible word. Anyway, we aren't going to be friends. At least that's how I see it. He's not so cool with the idea, but that's just too bad. Every time we've broken up in the past, it hasn't maintained because we aren't really able to not touch eachother, and we get along so well. It just doesn't work. Maybe I'll be able to be his friend in the distant future. But not now.
Which leaves me with one true friend. And by that I mean one person who actually has an idea of who I am. And she's just moving into a serious relationship...which means she's not really available, and when she is...well, it's weird.
So I'm hoping to make some new friends in Santa Cruz. It would blow to move there and be all on my own (or until Hayley gets down here). For some reason, I'm awful at making friends with people my age. When I went to Costa Rica, I made some fantastic friends...and guess what? They were all at least twelve years older than me. I got really close to one guy in particular...to bad he lives in the fucking UK. And he's forty seven. Yes. The person I can literally relate best to in the ENTIRE WORLD(even closer than August) is gay, forty seven, and impossibly far away.
What. The. Fuck.
Ok I'm done whining. Have to get it out of my system, I guess.
Blah.
Thanks to everyone for the support.
♥♥
I feel so...blah.
Every other minute I go from fine to not fine. Fine, not fine. Repeat, repeat, repeat. In the "fine" moments I'm mostly numb. So maybe "fine" wouldn't be the right word.
The thing about breaking up with someone you'v been with for a long time is that you have to start defining yourself in different terms. You are now "single." The word "girlfriend" no longer applies to you, but the word "ex" does. You have to use these words when speaking to other people. I'm a pretty private person most of the time, so I hate having to do this...especially when informing my friends, family, or even just acquaintances, of the breakup. It's exhausting. I'm still recovering from an unknown illness (I was nearly hospitalized the other week), so I don't really have the energy for this bullshit. Which is why I have left my house only once the entire weekend.
I've also deicded not to maintain a friendship with my "ex." Ew, what a horrible word. Anyway, we aren't going to be friends. At least that's how I see it. He's not so cool with the idea, but that's just too bad. Every time we've broken up in the past, it hasn't maintained because we aren't really able to not touch eachother, and we get along so well. It just doesn't work. Maybe I'll be able to be his friend in the distant future. But not now.
Which leaves me with one true friend. And by that I mean one person who actually has an idea of who I am. And she's just moving into a serious relationship...which means she's not really available, and when she is...well, it's weird.
So I'm hoping to make some new friends in Santa Cruz. It would blow to move there and be all on my own (or until Hayley gets down here). For some reason, I'm awful at making friends with people my age. When I went to Costa Rica, I made some fantastic friends...and guess what? They were all at least twelve years older than me. I got really close to one guy in particular...to bad he lives in the fucking UK. And he's forty seven. Yes. The person I can literally relate best to in the ENTIRE WORLD(even closer than August) is gay, forty seven, and impossibly far away.
What. The. Fuck.
Ok I'm done whining. Have to get it out of my system, I guess.
Blah.
Thanks to everyone for the support.
♥♥
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
aspen:
drives me insane.
mystic5523:
Dealing with a change this big is never easy. The fact that your "alone" in this just makes it harder. Well just know that you'll always have people to turn to here on SG. I know that a message from some random person on a website isn't exactly the same as a nice shoulder to cry on or a big teddy bear to cuddle, but sometimes its just hits the spot.