orionid

I need to talk to someone. Like really talk. Like sit down for six hours or so and just empty out. The problem is that I need to do so outside of the cognizance of an over-bearing wife who won't even let me have ten minutes to myself to take a shit, much less anything else.

I've worked so hard to overcome everything that's been placed in front of me and I feel like it's been for nought. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm just a shell of damaged fucking goods that says "yes dear" like a fucking parrot. There are some things that cross a line and I refuse to budge on. Fuck you, I'm not selling my truck. No, not even now after you deliberately wrecked it. Fuck you, I'm not getting rid of my high school trophies. Not a one. "Pinewood Derby Partcicpant" and "Little League Best Attitude" mean just as much to me as "Virginia State Structural Engineering Champion" "Virginia State CO2 Dragster R&D Champion" and "National Technology Trivia Bowl 2nd Place." And I swear to fucking God, I'm one bad day away from putting a fucking sledgehammer through her fucking xbox.

I need out of this hole. I need a ladder, a flashlight, and a friend to help make it happen. I just want to be me agian, and I don't even remember who the fuck that is. I haven't seen that guy around since 2008 before my ex killed herself. I just wish I could shake the fucking etch-a-sketch and start the fuck over.