This is one of the only platforms where the ladies are actually nice to me. I don't understand. I don't really understand why y'all are nice to me, and I don't really understand why most people in my life aren't. I do my best to love people, be kind, and be respectful even when I don't understand their point of view. I'm not perfect. None of us are, but I do my best.
I know that this platform is really just so that us fans, those of us who support you ladies, can show that support in a tangible way. I know it's not a dating app. Besides, I don't really think of myself as worthy of any of y'all anyway.
The other day I realized that every single woman I have ever asked out on a date has told me no. Even the woman I was married to for 10 years, she told me no. It wasn't until after she spent 3 months trying to get other guys at that church to date her that she finally asked me out. Only when she realized no one was willing to date her was she willing to go on a date with me. Yes, I know that should have been a red flag, but my self-worth was even lower back then and it has been in recent months.
Now logic/reason would show that the only common denominator in all of this is me. So I readily admit that there's a problem with me. I don't really know what it is off hand. Frankly, it has been easier to spend time with companions and to solve my dating woes. I know that eventually I would like to spend my life with someone who gives a shit about me. I also know that while relationships with companions have very strict boundaries, most of them genuinely care about their clients. Even beyond appreciating their bills being paid. The relationships are real, they're just different. I tell myself that I'm content to see companions when I can afford it, and play video games when I can't. Truth is I don't really know what's true.
At this point, I'm just rambling. There is no rhyme or reason, it was not even a goal for this blog post. If y'all want to comment, that's cool! If you don't, that's cool too! I guess at this point I'm just looking for somebody to talk to. Have a great night. Blessings to you all.
