orenda

Here's a glimpse of my life thanks to the blog homework provided by @missy & @rambo.

1. My Relationship

Most of you know that I am in a relationship, but some of you may be unaware of some of our love's details. Jeremy moved to my school in the eighth grade. He had an instant crush on me, but I was "too cool" to like him back. I was a total ass. About three months later after his wooing me, we began our courtship. Two little 14 & 15 year old dweebs. We were obsessed with each other. We did everything together. Seven years down the road, not much has changed. We have had breaks in our relationship here & there, but never for more than a few weeks. He was my first & only true best friend. He is my first & only love. He's shown me such a beautiful outlook to life; something I will cherish forever. And I hope we can continue being goofy fucks for tons of years to come.

2. My Family

Family is a very personal (duh) topic for me, and I tend to usually refrain from blurting out too many details on the subject. But, with this week’s assignment, why the fuck not?

I guess one might say I have a pretty “normal” family. My parents were married my entire life, up until 2012. Their divorce was quick and seemingly painless, for them anyway. I, on the other hand, took it pretty hard. I was never close with my mother. We always argued about trivial things like my black eyeliner, my metal music in junior high, and my not giving a damn to brush my hair before school. We let stupid little things like that greatly harm our relationship. With that being said, after the announcement of their divorce, I had no question about staying to live with my father. Everything was cool at first; we partied and drank on weekends, rented UFC matches on Pay-Per-View, and just had a great time. Then came his girlfriend. I knew that she had a helping hand in their divorce, so I was very hesitant to let her in. I tried. It failed. Horribly. I was asked to permanently leave my father’s home last summer. Having nowhere else to really go, I moved in with my mother and her new husband in the next town. I felt intrusive. I felt unwanted, despite their efforts. I still live there now, and I still feel a bit intrusive, even though he has an eight year old son that is home half of the time. It’s been a weird time for me. I don’t exactly adjust that well to change. 2013 was by far the most stressful time of my life, and I feel things are just now getting back on track; things except the relationship with my father. Before the divorce, and even during, we were absolute best friends. I told him everything. He was my confidant. My go-to guy for nearly every form of advice I ever was bold enough to request. But, I haven’t spoken to him since last summer. Nearly a year has gone by. I feel as though I was second best to him, and he chose another family and another path, that did not have room for me. I guess that is sort of immature… But I really just feel forgotten. I know I could reach out to him, but I cannot even go into details of the betrayal I feel due to his behavior. So, well… Uhm, I guess that’s that.

3. My Education

Some of you have probably read my countless blogs about college; it’s something I absolutely love writing about because it’s something I am undyingly passionate for. I have an Associate’s Degree in Liberal Arts.. My junior college was quite small. The campus was easily traversed on foot, end to end. High school class sizes. I felt comfortable there, and totally in my element. I aced almost all of my classes, played soccer for the college, and knew almost everyone, despite my shy demeanor. I graduated with honors and awards, bells and whistles, then was thrust into university life. I can honestly say it’s not that much different. I still go to a small school compared to most. Now that I am in more psychology specific courses, my class sizes are relatively small, which I love. I also landed a spot on a prestigious research team, and I study social anxiety and its predicting factors relative to college students’ drinking context. Interesting stuff. Nerdy stuff. I’m still an honors student. Still involved in various campus organizations pertinent to my field of study. And I am starting my senior year in August. While most people would be celebrating the end of their college careers due to having completed a Bachelor’s degree, I am well aware that I am just getting my feet wet in my academic pursuit. I start the application process to various graduate programs this December. My paramount goal is to become a counseling psychologist, specializing in the treatment of anxiety disorders with the use of cognitive behavioral therapy. I studied the puzzle pieces separately throughout my undergraduate career: cognition, emotion, and behavior. How do they all interconnect to facilitate one’s being? Psychology has aided me in making sense of these puzzle pieces, ever so carefully placing them to encapsulate the epitome of what it is I want to do with my mind as a professional. Through psychology, I can assist those in need by guiding them to make sense of their own puzzle pieces; I can metaphorically hand people the tools needed to reconstruct aspects of their lives they would like to see improve.

4. My Music

When I’m riding around with my friends or around other people, my music taste is a little more open than when I am making my morning commute to work or school. I don’t mind listening to the radio with my girlfriends; I’ll get down and sing some Britney, bitch. However, my song choices when in solitude are much more… me. Obviously. My favorite artist, since my boyfriend introduced his music to me when I was fourteen, is the all-powerful Maynard James Keenan. He can do no wrong in my eyes. I love everything he has ever created, everything he has ever said. If you are unfamiliar with MJK, he is the front man of Tool, A Perfect Circle, and Puscifer (all of my favorite groups.) His voice is so captivating and striking. He can scream his ass off in a haunting howl of pro-social lyrical bliss, and he can serenade you into a peaceful lullaby-like state with his words through A Perfect Circle.

Puscifer is his newest project, and it holds a special place in my heart.

Tool and APC tend to focus on societal problems, equality, and opening your mind. Puscifer is just funky as fuck. He describes it as "simply a playground for the various voices in my head, a space with no clear or discernible goals, where my id, ego, and anima all come together to exchange cookie recipes." I fucking love that. I love that he can express his less serious side. He doesn’t always have to be taking down the man and reinforcing human enlightenment through his projects. I find there to be a lot of similarities with his idea of Puscifer and my idea of SuicideGirls. He is so deep and lyrical through Tool and APC, Puscifer is a whole different outlet. I am so high strung and freakishly driven in my education and even at work; SuicideGirls is my playground. It’s my platform to relax, tell you guys what I’m really thinking, show you what I really look like behind my collared shirts and slacks. I love you guys.

5. My Tattoos

I have such an array of art on my body, and I couldn’t possible love every single tattoo anymore than I do right now. My first seven or so tattoos were small, consisting mainly of quotes and lyrics, with one anchor and one heart. You know, typical white girl tattoos. LOL My latest four pieces have been large, detailed, traditional work.

This is by far my favorite style of tattooing. To be quite frank, I fell in love with this artistic genre drooling over the absolutely stunning @lass.

I admire all of the work she has gotten! Definitely had a hand in shaping my love for the pictures now permanently on my body.

6. My Psyche

Here I’m just going to jot down various elements of my personality that make me, me.

· I’m the most forgiving person ever. Almost to the point that I hate this quality of myself. You could pretty much slap me in the face, apologize, then we’re back BFFs. I just can’t stay mad. I hate confrontation… thus my forgiving demeanor.

· Despite my forgiving outward appearance, I do hold grudges. Horribly. I just hate telling people when I am bothered, so I act like it’s okay, their wrong-doing has been forgiven… then secretly murder them in my mind a million times. LOL not really, but you get the gist.

· My sense of humor is so varied. I laugh hysterically at the most immature fart jokes and name calling, but I love good satirical humor. When I’m really comfortable with someone, I make these weird ass little voices and make bizarre animal noises. Who fucking knows.

· I’m sensitive. Big time. You can look at me wrong and it hurt my feelings.

· As much as I try to portray that I don’t care what people think about me, I do. I really, really do. I will never forget, one of the first times I mustered up the courage to post one of my Sundies photos to my twitter account, a guy told me I should “Work them legs out.” I realize I have thicker thighs… But damn that really sucked to read. It was such a silly comment, but I needed reassurance. I wanted to post a photo, and get compliments. Who doesn’t, right? That was just rude. Needless to say, I haven’t been on Twitter in months.

· I’m that annoying friend that always says, “We should totally hang out! I miss you,” then never follows up. I don’t really mean to, I am just honestly SO busy all of the time. My only female friend in my town has an eight-month-old son, so it’s especially hard for our schedules to allow us to have “girl days” at the mall or out at dinner. I do wish I would make the time to reestablish friendships though… I don’t really talk to many people in “real life.”

7. I absolutely love shopping at thrift stores. I have found some of my most beloved items, whether it be lingerie or vintage dresses, rummaging through racks of used clothing.

8. My Persian cat, Elvis, is my absolute heart and soul. I don’t know if I could ever love anything more than I love him.

9. I cannot get enough of spicy foods. I love jalapenos, habaneros, sriracha… Nothing ever seems to be hot enough.

10. I played varsity soccer in both high school and college, and I have a few injuries that I believe will always be with me. I developed scoliosis from a bad fall a few years ago, and I had to attend physical therapy for two years. My knees are just weird. I have Osgood Schlatter disease in my right knee, and I strained my left meniscus too many times to count. My feet were cleated by other players so many times that my toe nails have never really fully recovered. If I hit my toe the wrong way, my nail comes off. Like, the whole thing.

So, this long ass blog should help you figure me out just a hair more than maybe you had me pegged previously. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading what you all posted, you interesting batch of freaks, you.